To Daughters of Pakistan

When we talk about the background, we talk about any persistent belief that is strong enough to dictate our behaviour, to affect our emotions and to change our perceptions about the way we react to the information. Such environmental stimuli could cause many physical or emotional changes in our psychological or physical lives. Among these factors or beliefs, one is the ‘COVID-19’. People are taking it seriously enough to apply all precautions on their lives. Mainly they are staying at home, shopping for basic necessities, resisting going out to see friends and family, just postponing all parties and picnics; are using hand sanitizers often, wearing masks on faces, and keeping the social distance at all times. People have changed their view of the world around them and that is ultimately changing their behaviour in return. All this is happening consciously or unconsciously; however, it is powerful enough to pave the way to follow the guidelines given by their health officials or governments. This is the reality of life. 

Similarly in our traditional domestic life, we, being girls follow some beliefs collectively that ultimately design our lives, dictate us a certain type of behaviour and similarly guide us that we cannot resist. Among these beliefs, one is the ‘rukhsati’. Rukhsati dictates our parents to up-bring their daughters under the influence of their destiny (rukhsati). It helps people to understand the status of women in our society; it helps us to feel like we are having a different status from our siblings (brothers), and it sets our pathways accordingly. We lose our confidence in decision making, we leave striving for a powerful career, we think about marriage stuff as our ultimate reality, we miss our parents while being with them, we make our minds ready to sacrifice for our parents, for our husbands and then for our sons. Not only we accept such thoughts for ourselves rather we donate them to our daughters proudly and happily. We simply ignore reality as we are the most satisfying souls in the world. This is not true sadly. 

We deserve something more than we get from our parents. We need unconditional love from them; we need real support from people around us, and we need social security to protect us in times of need. We need real care and equal rights from our partners when we are in a relationship; we need equal help as men retain from our family and parents, and we do not need to sacrifice for anyone! We can dream big, we can earn respect like men too, we can hold decisions too to follow, we can run a house too to support the family and we can live a fulfilling life too with dignity, respect, success and challenges. We are not physical things to keep us inside the home or to protect us from others; rather we can enjoy outside life too with courage, determination and power- just like men! Our destiny should feel proud of us rather we cry under the umbrella of destiny! 

Again it is important to note that we cannot change our behaviour unless we change our thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, and even emotions. We need to change how we think first. And this is called ‘background’ information. This unconscious belief system could determine a new ‘us’ if triggered with new beliefs, thoughts and emotions. Then the behaviours will take place. In the end, the traditions will die, cultures will revive and new values will take place. The incredible change will not take place suddenly; however, the first step is always a little ‘nod’ that something somewhere went wrong in our lives for which we are still paying the price. This little uncomfortable feeling will change the world at last!  

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