background

Some Background Colors

The colours of life are always unpredictable. Likewise, our emotions are. I am not an artist, but I know that a mixture of black will make a colour darker, and the more you put it, the more the fade effect would happen. The original colour will be finished and dissolved into the black one.
So along similar lines, we behave, think, and feel. Some of you might get information that their deadline for doing some task is near or their deadline for meeting some threshold is near. Some of you experience your attention level fluctuating under some stress, or if there is some uncertainty in the environment and if you listen to some susceptible news! So all of this is backgrounds that dim your original life, and resultantly your initial thoughts, emotions and behaviours fluctuate.
For a background to work, it is essential that it :
it is relevant at that moment
it is the most important among all other backgrounds
by all means, you are affected by it
most of the time, we are aware of its influence
it will not last longer or until the colour effect changes
or the next competent background comes in


Whatever it is, when we are under its effect, our emotions, language, behaviour, everything is changed. Then the people interacting with us will get the wrong signals from us as we are under some toxic influence of our background. Or the other way around.
We are different by all means when we are happy; we feel good, behave, and react differently. The environment we live in is also perceived differently. We know the effect, and we have no control over it.
You cannot change your background, and so the effect as well. But you can limit its impact if you are aware of its source. You can try some interventions to feel as congruent and as authentic as possible. For instance, you can use shifting attention, displacement, diverting attention, and other tricks to ease your symptoms. You can work on it or wait for it to fade away naturally. The choice is yours. If you decide to work on it, it will not cause you much harm. In this work, remember to recognize it at the first stage. Then try to use strategies to lower the effect if it is negative.
For the motivators and initiators, a pleasant background is always a catalyst for their actions. They can try to have a scaffolding effect which means when they know they are in the good background, they can use it for their benefit. They can be involved in their goals for longer and more productively if they use that background sensibly. You only need to be aware of that. It is that simple.
The background is your body of emotions, that give strength to your emotions. The background will define who you are in terms of your feelings. The gap between behaviour and thoughts is due to the unknown effect of backgrounds (contexts). When we are conscious of our backgrounds, we can better deal with our emotions and behaviours. The mediation effect of backgrounds should always be addressed and discovered for the benefit of our survival and effective physiological and psychological health. Keep going and keep trying; one day, you will be a master of it. And the day will come when you will define your background and work on it, eventually leading to your choiced emotions, behaviours and life as a whole.

To Daughters of Pakistan

When we talk about the background, we talk about any persistent belief that is strong enough to dictate our behaviour, to affect our emotions and to change our perceptions about the way we react to the information. Such environmental stimuli could cause many physical or emotional changes in our psychological or physical lives. Among these factors or beliefs, one is the ‘COVID-19’. People are taking it seriously enough to apply all precautions on their lives. Mainly they are staying at home, shopping for basic necessities, resisting going out to see friends and family, just postponing all parties and picnics; are using hand sanitizers often, wearing masks on faces, and keeping the social distance at all times. People have changed their view of the world around them and that is ultimately changing their behaviour in return. All this is happening consciously or unconsciously; however, it is powerful enough to pave the way to follow the guidelines given by their health officials or governments. This is the reality of life. 

Similarly in our traditional domestic life, we, being girls follow some beliefs collectively that ultimately design our lives, dictate us a certain type of behaviour and similarly guide us that we cannot resist. Among these beliefs, one is the ‘rukhsati’. Rukhsati dictates our parents to up-bring their daughters under the influence of their destiny (rukhsati). It helps people to understand the status of women in our society; it helps us to feel like we are having a different status from our siblings (brothers), and it sets our pathways accordingly. We lose our confidence in decision making, we leave striving for a powerful career, we think about marriage stuff as our ultimate reality, we miss our parents while being with them, we make our minds ready to sacrifice for our parents, for our husbands and then for our sons. Not only we accept such thoughts for ourselves rather we donate them to our daughters proudly and happily. We simply ignore reality as we are the most satisfying souls in the world. This is not true sadly. 

We deserve something more than we get from our parents. We need unconditional love from them; we need real support from people around us, and we need social security to protect us in times of need. We need real care and equal rights from our partners when we are in a relationship; we need equal help as men retain from our family and parents, and we do not need to sacrifice for anyone! We can dream big, we can earn respect like men too, we can hold decisions too to follow, we can run a house too to support the family and we can live a fulfilling life too with dignity, respect, success and challenges. We are not physical things to keep us inside the home or to protect us from others; rather we can enjoy outside life too with courage, determination and power- just like men! Our destiny should feel proud of us rather we cry under the umbrella of destiny! 

Again it is important to note that we cannot change our behaviour unless we change our thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, and even emotions. We need to change how we think first. And this is called ‘background’ information. This unconscious belief system could determine a new ‘us’ if triggered with new beliefs, thoughts and emotions. Then the behaviours will take place. In the end, the traditions will die, cultures will revive and new values will take place. The incredible change will not take place suddenly; however, the first step is always a little ‘nod’ that something somewhere went wrong in our lives for which we are still paying the price. This little uncomfortable feeling will change the world at last!  

Thoughts That Matter!

When you are going out for a walk or for any trivial thing, what is usually in your mind? Very simple, you think about things to do next or things going on in your life at that moment. Sometimes, some kind of information is so strong that you even cant focus on your present talk- this time the information hidden in your brain is stronger than all other confounding factors. Let’s say you have been told that you are going to be a millionaire- should you see the world around you in the same light or very differently. Definitely very differently. Your all vision to see the world including trees, flowers, grasses, landscapes, seaside, buildings, roads or even a look on your own close family members will be changed for that moment! And what next- you will smile and react on the information with great gestures. You might be very pleasing, happy and satisfied in the coming few days at least! You will be under the influence of this informational background until you get some other unconscious thoughts to interrupt this one. Then you will be again under the effect of that specific thought. And the circle of unconscious tutorship will never end until you die!

This is a very powerful technique if we utilize it in our learning paradigm. We must encourage our kids to learn more and more not because of the motivation of getting some rewards or not having punishment incentives rather because in the mind there is something powerful to guide them in the way they should. It could be a thought that you have to do it for the sake of your dignity, respect and honour; or it could be a thought that challenging kids are always winners or leaders, or it could be a belief that you have to prove that you can do it by tomorrow. It might not be suitable to the young pupil; however, it will be must strategy for the teenagers. For the young pupil, there should be something to achieve practically- other than an abstract concept. They should be given a title to prove themselves what they should look like. They would happily imitate that personality/model in real life. Moreover, it should be unique to maintain the integrity of the child. It should also be relevant to the child’s personality. It can be an odd idea or can be any complex concept that a child may grasp, accept and internalize. One would need to juggle around to find a strategy to deal with the child’s unconscious mind so that he could start living up to the high standards(usually set by parents or teachers). It looks very simple- but indeed it is not that easy!