The choice​ is Yours!

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Unconscious background matters a lot to succeed in our life or live a happy peaceful life at least. Should we think about it twice before ignoring this very important aspect of our life? True, we need to explore it first. As it is very deep and complex human emotion. Let me give you an example :

You are going to see someone and on the way, you come across some naughty or disturbing people. People react in different manners to deal with the similar, strange, nasty situations. And there could be many types of reactions  – they all depend on your unconscious mindset. Such as:

  1. You are feeling so good inside that you totally ignore the experience and think about the upcoming event seriously.
  2. You react in the manner you think you should react and become angry for a while. Then you motivate yourself not to forget your real aim and goal to meet today.
  3. You not only react to the worse situation rather kept on thinking about it on the way back to home.
  4. You keep quiet on the spot but keep the hurt emotions inside and give a fake smile to others.
  5. You try to convince yourself that it is the part of life but the scenes of that nasty situation come in front of your eyes and you cannot focus properly.

There is no hard and fast rule to adapt to deal with any worse situation in life. It all depends on the situation indeed how you react to it. However; in most of the situations, things would turn back to you due to your negativity and low mood. For example:

Situation no 2 :

In this situation, you become angry and try to deal with your anger for a while. It is not a totally positive situation. If you get out of it very soon, then you are out of the trap of negativity and will conquer the world.

Situation no 3:

The most likely you are in trouble deep. You are going to meet many other similar situations due to your low mood and negativity. You should not expect any good in future.

Situation no 4:

you are dealing with the situation but that is not real you. You are hiding your inner anger and negativity. So again you are not going to find your peace and joy in near future.

Situation no 5:

In such situation, you are again not in your control. Your emotions are taking you down the way you will find more depression, anxiety, and suffering. Your mood is not energetic and helping to take you to the next level of success and prosperity.

Situation no 1:

In this situation, you are free to move forward in your life. You can expect a bundle of joy, peace, ecstasy, and happiness all around you. Your experiences would take you to another world and yes, that is real you with your true desire fulfilled. It could be anything you adore and wish for.

The bad events or worse situations would come again and again in your life. Usually, for the better results, your consistency, with overall positive emotional health would predict your future in the way you could ever imagine or much better than that. Thanks

 

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How Do You Introduce Your Toddlers To Your Friends And Relatives

How parents introduce their children to others impact on their personalities strongly. There are many examples that may clarify the concept better. Let us consider:

A parent is introducing his/her child to his/her relative/friend and says with a smiling face-

  1. She is too aggressive. Please be careful…she could harm you through her sharp nails. (the child is only 2 years old).
  2. My son is too shy. You can see he is not behaving properly in front of you.
  3. My son is too hyper. Please do not stop him from doing anything. He will create a scene.
  4. My son too submissive. He cannot say ‘no’ to his rivals.
  5. My son is extremely scared of strangers. He will scream if I leave him for now.
  6. She is too rash, could bite and hit blindly. So be careful guys.
  7. She is very social being, would like to show you her room and toys.
  8. She is very fond of books.
  9. He likes to destroy things all the time. Very destructive mindset, he has.

And all the relevant similar comments that parents pass on to others make a deep impression on their parent’s children who are passively listening the talk between you and the significant others.  Therefore, it is highly recommended to strengthen those traits of personality in your statements that you really want to observe in your off springs later on. Otherwise, your mentioned traits would reinforce the same quality among them and they would love to adopt them as a part of their personality.

When You Perceive A Negative Belief In The Name Of Positivity

Positivity is a universal trait and a common factor to enhance our well being all over the world. Every day we learn about positivity and try to adopt it as much as possible in our day to day life. We love to be called as positive parents, couples, children and positive members of our society. We by all means, fight with our negativity and try our best to achieve an acceptable level of  resilience. It is our utmost aim to live a happy, positive and successful life.

Unfortunately, our positivity is not a real positive thing  rather a cultural belief. In some of the cultures of this world, people are suffering from their positive (unnatural and false) attitudes.  For example, in the traditional societies of Pakistan, there are many beliefs that are thought as positive and people love to hold them as a symbol of pride and honour whereas they are a source of grief, anxiety, and depression for the other group of people.

Consider the following examples for clarification purpose:

In Pakistan:

  • It is very common to wish a baby boy for a young couple as boys are thought as superior than girls.
  • Baby girls are thought as guests in their own home. It is very much acceptable belief that a girl’s own home is settled after her marriage.
  • They are usually given less priority in almost all affairs compared to boys. It is very common norm to say exclusively to girls to eat after the boys and serve the others.
  • Some household chores like doing dishes, cleaning pots, washing, and dusting, are reserved for girls due to their very nature (low-degree jobs).
  • Many things like riding a bike, playing in a park, running a shop, riding a bike and dressing up like boys, are thought as boys things so the girls are not allowed to do that.
  • Most of the families do not allow girls to select their partner and they consider it a matter of their honor.
  • On the birth of a baby girl, mothers could be divorced, beaten, or verbally emotionally severely abused.
  • Some professions are taken as reserved for girls only (teaching, medical, and artistic) otherwise boys can join any profession they like to be in.
  • A girl has to obey her husband throughout her life (irrespective of his cruelty, tortures and abuses), as divorce is thought as a stigma on a girl’s life.

People do not accept the right of living alone for their girls as it is  too a matter of honor and dignity.

The list is never ending indeed. My purpose is not to highlighting the discrimination against women in Pakistan, rather to emphasize the idea that some of the cultural things are taken as a symbol of pride, honor and respect; people adopt them and feel happy in adopting them blindly as a part of their culture. They have no idea that their acceptance of cruelty would make the counter parts sick, dumb and vulnerable, susceptible, and unfortunate.

In the light of the above examples, girls feel extremely low self-esteem, decreased level of self-worth, lowest level of self-respect, and lose their self confidence in studies, social life, and after that in professional life. They feel homesick in the company of their own parents, they feel rejected and ignored at home and in society, they feel less powerful in the practical life ahead and in the end they compromise for the sake of their own family – usually children.

What is so positive in the eyes of the public (it is better for girls to stay at home) is not a fair decision. What is  so acceptable among society members (girls are guests in their own homes) is making our half of the population feel homeless and homesick. What is taken as a symbol of honor (you are the mother of boys) is making the daughters feel miserable and less worthy. What is  thought as girls’  sole responsibility (to perform exclusively household duties) is an example of severe gender discrimination.  What is  so common and good tradition of our culture (girls leave their parents on wedding day and live at the mercy of their husband and in laws forever) is making our daughters feel segregated and helpless in many ways. Indeed, these are all rubbish ideas, wrong theories, and false practices established in the dark ages when people lived in caves and had no education at all.

My stance is that one must not accept all the positivity blindly until or unless it is proved that the idea is worth accepting as a positive idea. One culture might involve something negative in the name of positivity. It is not always enough to say that hundreds of thousands of people are following one thing so the thing is worth following. NO. Sometimes, a wrong thing is followed by a large group of people, but the thing is wrong indeed. Thus, it is up to you whether you accept the idea as a positive one or reject it as it is. When a positive idea is positive, it spreads positivity. On the other side, when a negative idea is supported by most people and thought as a positive one- it will generate negativity, discrimination, inequality and resentment. There is no such universal formula that could define what is negativity and what is positivity – but you can save yourself from such messages through a severe negation as they stop you from being active, confident, successful, energetic, passionate, vibrant, creative, professional, empowered, assertive, decisive, happy and lively.

Thanks

Would You Drink More To Be Out Of Trouble ?

We being a human always search for easy fixes, short cuts, and quick ways to fulfill our desires, wishes, and needs. We want to be happy as early as possible. We are quite impatient and inconsistent in achieving our goals to become successful. It is our nature and we fight with our nature to look mature, reasonable, vigilant, cool, persistent and tolerant.

I see people spending a huge amount on only entertainment: crazy sports, watching movies, reading fiction, clubs, dinners, parties, celebrations, shopping, and what not. I see people spend a lot on the things they do not need rather they think they would need. I see people spend a lot on luxuries as compared to their needs (after their basic needs fulfilled).

Have you seen people drunk on the roads, especially on weekends? Have you seen people in clubs, dancing, drinking, and having fun in a large number? Have you seen people in cinemas watching their favorite movies? Have you seen people in the markets while buying lots of stuff luxuriously and carelessly? Have you seen people traveling for fun sake only? Of course, you must have seen people in libraries lost in books too.

What is the difference between the two types: the one searching for happiness outside and the one searching for happiness inside. The first choice would never end: after each episode, there is another to watch, after buying one thing, you would need another one tomorrow, one drink this weekend and one for the next one, one resort this year and another for the next year. So there is no full stop, no satisfaction forever. You have to be engaged daily while pursuing your pleasures and happiness.

The second way is looking inside. In this mode, you are going inside- looking for some help, researching your problems and their solutions, finding new concepts to deal with, creating new theories to tackle and jumping in the sea of happiness that would leave its footprints on your personality forever. You are growing day by day – giving more life to your senses, body and to the world outside.

Suppose you are marring a man/woman who is just perfect for you. You think  his/her company would have a tremendous effect on you in the long run. You may go for it but risk is yours. You might not get what is in your mind – you might be wrong in assessing that personality.  On the other side, if you think you are strong enough to decide and live by your choice and the other person is free to live with you as per his/her wish and till the time you both are having good terms. In this case, you are not bound to live together forever with someone you do not deserve, as your partner is not bound too to live with you. In this scenario, both of you are not at risk: neither in union nor in separation.

Through a little analysis of the above example, we come to know that in the first approach, one is handing over its worries and happiness to someone else’s hands. Whereas in the second approach one is not willing to live by its partners choice, thus is more inclined towards its inner strength and will power.

When you close your eyes and try to forget about your problems, problems remain there. When you take your problems as your projects and work on them with motivation and determination, the problems start to diminish.   Similarly when you engage in time-consuming activities to forget your worries, you waste time. Though time is a good healer but it is not a good healer in each and every matter of life. Moreover, time healing techniques is not yours – it would play its role as per its nature. It might be the lifetime to heal your wounds! So would you waste your whole life for time is the only healer for you!

I do agree that time is a great healer but only for little problems. When you have got cold, you have no option except to take Paracetamol. Similarly in some tiny matters, you need to pass time and wait for the solution of your disease. What about chronic diseases? Should you wait and see what will happen tomorrow or should you go to the doctor to consult? Definitely, you should seek a doctor’s advice. So it depends on the situation.  Like medical problems, if your problem is interfering with your day-to-day life, and it is more than a month and your problem is persisting; do not ignore the symptoms. Go to some specialist and get some advice. Do not waste your time.  You cannot find happiness  in drinking, shopping, traveling, playing, watching or doing something to let you forget about your worries. As there is no quick fix to your psychological disorders, to get you out of trouble miraculously. Yes, you can find happiness through these hobbies, if you are already happy.  So first, become happy, then look happy, first deserve then desire, first feel then enjoy!

Helping The Poor Girls In Pakistan

A boy is a symbol of  power, authority, success, luck, wealth and a stream of fortune forever. Being a boy means, having a home on a permanent basis, having safety forever, peace of mind with respect to parents love and care, having a continuous and unconditional love of parents and relatives, feeling high all the time only due to your gender identity. Though a boy needs to get educated, yet he needs nothing else. He needs to get educated and lead his life as per his own choice. He has to earn money and status for him and his family’s well being. But he is all in all in deciding many domestic matters. He is free in his movements- not afraid of being raped on the way going home. He is getting priority in all the matters, from attending  a luxurious dinner to attending a trip outside city. Boys are very much social in nature as compared to girls as they are more encouraged and appreciated in adapting that attitude. Boys are brave as per our culture. Boys never weep according to our cultural education. Boys should be respected, honored and valued more due to their gender as compared to girls. Boys should keep the money in their hands as they are responsible for their sisters (or female member’s) needs. Boys are free to living alone, whereas girls are not simply allowed to do that.

Girls feel, in such a society, that they cannot express themselves fully being a girl. They bear restrictions on their dressing, social life, education, liberty and freedom tremendously since the day of their birth. They are not well come, being a girl at home, in a family, and in the society. Their position is weak being a girl at home, as they are thought a burden upon parents. They are taken as symbols of honor that can be damaged through any sexual activity. They are not allowed to go out for a walk alone, as their safety is compromised. They are pushed to stay at home as their presence at home is considered  a safety precaution. Their primary responsibility is towards their family – taking care of others (usually males) through household affairs and making sacrifices for them. Girls are never free to choose their life partner of their own choice. Rarely parents accept it, if the partner chosen by their daughter is from high class and worth marrying.  Things are very complicated for girls. It seems, all are their well wishers, but in reality, all are only protecting them from the unseen and unrealistic dangers. That over protecting attitude generates feelings of low self esteem and worthlessness among girls. They live their lives under constant pressure of society, family, and the culture overall.

The dilemma never ends. When a girl is married, her all decisions are carried out by her husband – usually husband is the only earning hand. Girls, even after being mothers, are not thought as an influencer and decision maker. They have to live according to the rules of their husband and his family. There is no rocket science that you cannot understand. There is simply the abuse: emotional, verbal, social, and physical. A girl cannot decide how many children she wants. She cannot decide what career she wants to pursue. She cannot decide what is her planning of the future in terms of spending money on her needs. In most families, girls even cannot decide what food they wish to eat. For sports, girls are never encouraged to participate in. They are thought as the weakest part of the society –  a misfortune bestowed upon the people.

I salute them for living in such a society and smiling all day. I can see western girls being more independent, free, happy, energetic, powerful, influencing, authentic, intelligent and inspiring in overall all fields of life – as compared to Pakistani ones. My humble advice for our generation of girls is that to take charge of their lives, their happiness and their decisions. Do not rely upon anyone, especially when it comes to your life, your need and your pleasure. Seek your way to find your destiny, your identity and your future and be persistent in seeking that throughout your life. This is your war: fight or flight-It is up to you. But if you fight, there are ample chances that you will win; otherwise chances are that you will be caught and could not rise again.

Thanks

A Word To MY Fellow Bloggers

Today I was wondering why my blogs are not getting attention after doing so many things and after having thought on topics of my interest for such a long time. I was having a mad mood throughout the day  while feeling same lack. I was wondering why my blogs are not worth reading by the viewers. Then I kept on thinking on the same lines and thought my books are not getting attention. No one has ever checked them. I had a stomach ache all the way coming to home from the market. No argument could convince me for my bad luck and hopelessness.

I was nearly fainting when a sudden thought came to my mind, and I would like to share it with you so that you could also get some spirit at your low times, the feelings were like that:

Mona, you know the best ever knowledge in this world is the least expensive, even then people are not ready to get it in their spare time. You can find all religious books online for free to read or download like the Bible, Quran, and many others. You know the best ever content is there and people are not bothered much to read it for themselves. Then how can they become motivated to read you whereas you have just stepped in, in the blog market.

Mona, in todays modern world, people are more interested to buy dreams, unreal, and fiction stories than non-fiction and hard cruel realities. People would like to waste money on non-sense fashion, movies and glamorous shows as compared to reading free library books while sitting in the library or at home. People would most likely convince themselves to buy products to comfort their bodies than buying some books to ease their souls. People are more interested to go on Facebook to make new friends and have a chit chat than reading blogs – especially yours.

Mona, you need to be patient and consistent if you really want to have viewers daily. It does not mean that you are not worth blogging, it means you need to bring some changes in your attitude and schedule to make your blog a real show. It does not mean you only take care of the choice of your viewers rather it means you present your views in the most acceptable and challenging way. Your style should be unique and convincing otherwise you will lose all!

What do you think, is it a good advice that I should consider? If you have another suggestion for me, please let me know. I would be highly grateful to you as this is my beginning and I have to improve all the time continuously and persistently.

Thanks

Shades Of Nature  

We all have different types of personalities, attitudes, moods, emotions, languages, cultures, beliefs, values, traditions, customs, and priorities in life. We share a few commonalities and the big differences even when we live together as a family member, a part of a social group and being a part of a culture, in one country – ultimately in one world.

While editing your picture, have you ever noticed the lightening effect mechanism? Or when you go outside on a sunny day and suddenly a dark cloud appears; you find a night scene around you instead! You find it hard to recognize the real color of things in that darkness. You cannot judge the real time of the day in that sudden changed background. You cannot feel the sun anymore! However, here are two options for you to choose from:

First strategy:

If you are a lover of a sun, you will be disappointed and a bit sad on a sudden cloud’s arrival. If you are a lover of the rain, you will be happier with this sudden change. Therefore, your mood will depend upon your concepts in your brain about that change.

Second Strategy:

There is another way to deal with this natural change in your life. You think this is nature’s way to communicate with you and you try to understand the hidden meanings of this message. You trust on Universe (God for the believers) that there is always something good for you in each sudden change you encounter and you may express your gratitude in return for such changes. As you believe that these are natures gifts for you and you are lucky to feel them, to touch them, to recognize them, to acknowledge them and to be with them.

In the second way of expression, it does not matter what happens- rather it matters how you react. When you react in that manner, the nature is always kind and responsive in return; whereas in the first two ways, you are getting nothing except a hollow feeling. Thus the first strategy is for the worldly people; the second strategy is for the spiritual ones. You can try both to see the real difference between them.

Apart from this, there is another lesson in seeing the world under dark and light effects. When we depict our circumstances under bright sunlight while utilizing our harsh and strong emotional energy and manipulate our feelings aggressively; we become severely charged and difficult to resist, control and convince. On the opposite side, when we react calmly, with a cool mind, being contented and polite- we are dealing with the same environment under dark cloud effects while utilizing our emotional intelligence in the best possible way. Thus the substance remains the same, only our reaction makes the difference.

All in all, our perceptions of things will change with our perception of nature. Nature remains same –whether it is dark or light. We see the different moods in us with each changed sight. Nature provides us the same subject with different backgrounds; thus we perceive differently. The reality of things remains there as it was a hundred years ago. Matter does not change its volume – only changes its form.

We can always challenge our perceptions and analyze them to find out our real perceptions. When we come to know the science of lightening effects, we will better criticize our judgments for our preferences. When we come to know that there is only one picture ahead that is sometimes dark and other times light due to the natures lightening effects, we are no more confused and bewildered upon our conflicting perceptions.
Thanks