There Is No Objective Reality Indeed!

“Belief is defined in Webster’s Unabridged Third New International Dictionary as a ‘conviction of the truth of some statement or the reality of some being or phenomenon………………………… One must therefore take cognitive, behavioral, sensory, motivational, affective, and contextual factors into account when attempting to unravel the mysteries of belief system evolution.” (Walters, 2002, p. 21).

 We perceive as per our interpretation and understanding of the world. We are not always right in assessing people around us- rather, many times we have to face challenges, dishonesties, and cruelties of other people. We could not get the reality due to disguised faces, fake facial expressions and postures. We have to believe on our senses- eyes and ears especially. We have no other way except to believe what we are encountering with. There is no objective reality in this world – as all realities are subject to our own experiences with the environment in which we interact directly. We are for most of the time product of our own beliefs, concepts, and theories for that we solely are responsible. That is why so far, nobody could prove scientifically that he/she is right in his/her conduct.

Not only our perception of the relationship is biased, our perception with  the universe is too absurd. Some among us like all what is blessed to them, including miseries and misfortunes; some say thanks to only a few of them and complain for troubles and sufferings; and some say thanks for the misfortunes and complain for the blessings. The first two categories are well understood as we all belong to one of them. What about third one? Many of us belong to the third one, but they rarely are aware of that. For example: when a parent thinks that a baby boy is a symbol of abundance and prosperity, they say thanks to the Universe for such a blessing.  Later on, that boy brings complaints for them. Similarly a girl is usually thought as a sign of bad luck in many parts of India. When that girl brings good luck to the family, the family reconsiders their views and says thanks for her instead of saying complaint. The same is true with many things for which we should say thanks – we complain against; the things we should not complain and say thanks instead, we complain.

Being a parent, you must have observed your children’s behavior minutely. Have you ever noticed that your children are not following in the same directions you are teaching? Yes. It is true. Children follow the guidelines, but with their own interpretations. You will say not to run, and she will stop walking; you will ask her not to throw things and she will conclude that you do not like her; you will tell her to finish the plate and she will throw the food in the dust bin! Thus, since childhood we are quite prone to misinterpret or interpret in our own way to suit our goals and objectives.

Colors in all over the world are same- red is red, black is black and white is white. If I tell you to imagine red in your mind, which image you imagine – blood, follower, flag, eyes, shirt or what. The same is true for all colors. We all keep various images for various colors likewise for various concepts. We distinguish strongly in our imagination of the same concept given to us in the unique manner. We believe in the same concept while expressing differently. For example: being straight means honest to one’s feelings or being arrogant, would depend on the perceiver’s unique perception of the concept. Being romantic means being sexy (physically), intimate (with empathetic attitude) , or loving ( simply nice in communication) ; would also depend upon the perceiver’s special ability to perceive such a complex emotional trait.

Gender discrimination is very common in many parts of the world. It is worst in the countries where people derive their own meanings of well defined world rules and laws. Such persons commit crimes against women of different kinds, but use different concepts to convince and protect their survival overall. It is well noted that “Common errors of construction include arbitrary inference, dichotomous reasoning, magnification, minimization, overgeneralization, and personalization, although other possibilities exist.” (Walters, 2002, p. 45). Thus, the most wanted criminal acts can also be justified, appreciated and valued subjectively.

However, what do you think about subjective reality? Do you still feel that your opinions are based on unbiased truths, beliefs and values? Are you still convinced that your reality of life is universal and your values are appreciated internationally in the way you express them? Do you still hold a belief that your expression is the best expression indeed? If yes, you are still in the process of learning self perceptual mechanism. If No, you have already mastered the skill I am teaching myself yet.

Ref:

Glenn D.walters. (2002). Criminal Belief Systems. An integrated-Interactive Theory of Lifestyles.

When You Perceive A Negative Belief In The Name Of Positivity

Positivity is a universal trait and a common factor to enhance our well being all over the world. Every day we learn about positivity and try to adopt it as much as possible in our day to day life. We love to be called as positive parents, couples, children and positive members of our society. We by all means, fight with our negativity and try our best to achieve an acceptable level of  resilience. It is our utmost aim to live a happy, positive and successful life.

Unfortunately, our positivity is not a real positive thing  rather a cultural belief. In some of the cultures of this world, people are suffering from their positive (unnatural and false) attitudes.  For example, in the traditional societies of Pakistan, there are many beliefs that are thought as positive and people love to hold them as a symbol of pride and honour whereas they are a source of grief, anxiety, and depression for the other group of people.

Consider the following examples for clarification purpose:

In Pakistan:

  • It is very common to wish a baby boy for a young couple as boys are thought as superior than girls.
  • Baby girls are thought as guests in their own home. It is very much acceptable belief that a girl’s own home is settled after her marriage.
  • They are usually given less priority in almost all affairs compared to boys. It is very common norm to say exclusively to girls to eat after the boys and serve the others.
  • Some household chores like doing dishes, cleaning pots, washing, and dusting, are reserved for girls due to their very nature (low-degree jobs).
  • Many things like riding a bike, playing in a park, running a shop, riding a bike and dressing up like boys, are thought as boys things so the girls are not allowed to do that.
  • Most of the families do not allow girls to select their partner and they consider it a matter of their honor.
  • On the birth of a baby girl, mothers could be divorced, beaten, or verbally emotionally severely abused.
  • Some professions are taken as reserved for girls only (teaching, medical, and artistic) otherwise boys can join any profession they like to be in.
  • A girl has to obey her husband throughout her life (irrespective of his cruelty, tortures and abuses), as divorce is thought as a stigma on a girl’s life.

People do not accept the right of living alone for their girls as it is  too a matter of honor and dignity.

The list is never ending indeed. My purpose is not to highlighting the discrimination against women in Pakistan, rather to emphasize the idea that some of the cultural things are taken as a symbol of pride, honor and respect; people adopt them and feel happy in adopting them blindly as a part of their culture. They have no idea that their acceptance of cruelty would make the counter parts sick, dumb and vulnerable, susceptible, and unfortunate.

In the light of the above examples, girls feel extremely low self-esteem, decreased level of self-worth, lowest level of self-respect, and lose their self confidence in studies, social life, and after that in professional life. They feel homesick in the company of their own parents, they feel rejected and ignored at home and in society, they feel less powerful in the practical life ahead and in the end they compromise for the sake of their own family – usually children.

What is so positive in the eyes of the public (it is better for girls to stay at home) is not a fair decision. What is  so acceptable among society members (girls are guests in their own homes) is making our half of the population feel homeless and homesick. What is taken as a symbol of honor (you are the mother of boys) is making the daughters feel miserable and less worthy. What is  thought as girls’  sole responsibility (to perform exclusively household duties) is an example of severe gender discrimination.  What is  so common and good tradition of our culture (girls leave their parents on wedding day and live at the mercy of their husband and in laws forever) is making our daughters feel segregated and helpless in many ways. Indeed, these are all rubbish ideas, wrong theories, and false practices established in the dark ages when people lived in caves and had no education at all.

My stance is that one must not accept all the positivity blindly until or unless it is proved that the idea is worth accepting as a positive idea. One culture might involve something negative in the name of positivity. It is not always enough to say that hundreds of thousands of people are following one thing so the thing is worth following. NO. Sometimes, a wrong thing is followed by a large group of people, but the thing is wrong indeed. Thus, it is up to you whether you accept the idea as a positive one or reject it as it is. When a positive idea is positive, it spreads positivity. On the other side, when a negative idea is supported by most people and thought as a positive one- it will generate negativity, discrimination, inequality and resentment. There is no such universal formula that could define what is negativity and what is positivity – but you can save yourself from such messages through a severe negation as they stop you from being active, confident, successful, energetic, passionate, vibrant, creative, professional, empowered, assertive, decisive, happy and lively.

Thanks

When rules and values need not to be put through?

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We need rules, values, laws and boundaries create a peaceful society, to control our emotions and to have a little check on all of us for being honest, trustworthy, and disciplined human being. We, in all over the world observe certain patterns with respect to our safety, integrity and well-being. We as a nation cannot deny the rule of law over almost everything we come across, whether it relates to your ego, respect, and freedom of choice or it is a matter of your rights of living, schooling, and facilitating your health worries. We, with no doubt, understand the importance of civic laws, social laws, and moral laws, especially which are running in our local setups.

Now consider the following examples :

I still remember when I entered UK immigration zone three years back. It was in the long queue waiting for the check out while holding my one year old infant baby boy on my lab. Though my son was intact and seemed fresh, yet I was over tired with the long journey of about 15 hours,  while doing babysitting and nursing intensely. I was thinking that UK is a country where rules have priority over everything so I would have to face a long queue in any circumstance. Moreover neither me nor my son was sick to get some excuse. While I was thinking in these lines, one lady came towards me and took me to the front bench to sit and wait. I thought there must be some kind of punishment for me as I was from Pakistan( apparently a corrupt country ). But then I came to know that it was an honor for a mother with an infant to get priority over public  and leave the queue. We were out of the immigration so soon that no one could imagine.  This was not discrimination rather a great gesture of honor for the mothers from the UK ( the country of laws).

Usually we are bound to obey the road signs and traffic rules in Scotland. Police can put a penalty of huge amount if someone is caught by while breaking the law. However, I with my little son have enjoyed a free walk and crossing at any time, at any place without any obvious restriction of law as traffic from both sides willingly and courteously used to stop for us even in rush hours and at restricted places (where one cannot cross the road). It does not mean, we are illiterate or getting unfair advantage of our rude behavior rather wherever we stand for a while along the road, the traffic from the opposite side thinks that we are about to cross and stops. Sometimes, we had to cross the road unwillingly as the traffic was waiting for us to clear the road. How amazing and caring attitude indeed these people have!

My driving instructor told me about each and every rule of driving while saying that when there is matter of saving your or others life, no rule is more important.

In buses, trains, and parks, people give priority to others (older, younger, kids, women, special) voluntarily and leave the space for them.

Once I took my parcel back from the Royal Mail, which has already been sent to the receiver. According to law, no one could do me a favor but according to morals, one could get it back. I thought it is UK, so law would not help me out. I was wrong in that assessment as the people here left the law aside to get me out of trouble. I thank royal mail for their timely help and great concerns.

Therefore, laws are there to help us , to organize and control us, to create discipline among nations, societies, and cultures, to protect humans from animals or animal like humans, to punish the cruel acts and to flourish the empathy and sympathy among people, to save the nation from discrimination, nepotism, and inequality, to promote love, cooperation and justice  overall. But whenever there is a special need to break the law in rare circumstances, to get the same objective (described above), one must not care for the law and rather go for the objective. It is too one form of abiding by, strengthening and rejuvenating the law in real spirit. So when the law is the basic hurdle in cultivation of peace, break it or bypass it for your safety and dignity.

Do We Perceive Moral Values As Per Our Will?

What we Misperceive through our eyes, is not always restricted to our eyes. You must have seen many optical illusions in your life that represent different perceptions for different people. Nobody is sure for their reality. They change their perception even for the same person. Strange! But it is true. If you have no idea of illusions, then click the link below to learn more about illusions.

http://www.michaelbach.de/ot/

Today my focus is not on illusions rather the secret behind those illusions. First consider the following examples:

  1. Have you ever read a word according to your own mental picture- rice for price, money for enemy, sex for best and many others.
  2. People comment on the same product that vary a lot. For some it is amazing and for others it is disgusting.
  3. For one color, different people have different opinions. Some adore a color and some hate the same!

Thus we can conclude that we have different perceptions of the same phenomena at the same time. Even we change our perception with respect to a little change in time, our experience or age. One idea is brilliant for one person, and the same idea is shit for the other one. One article is worth reading for one, and the same article is rubbish for the other one. One man is the real leader for one party and the same man is a big joke for the other one. We have thousand examples to quote in this regard.

In spite of all that, we cannot say that a man is a women, a killer is a good man, a rapist is at right cause, a child is not innocent, a robbery is appreciable and all other examples alike.

There must be some limit in perceiving a thing in our own way. We can say that we love someone because of his smartness and others can say that they love the same person for his intellect but we cannot say that we love someone because of his cruelty.

In the moral world, things are more complicated and more illusions exist than any other field of life. One moral quote is perceived differently among different people. Usually people act upon moral education as per their own perceptual understanding of that moral thought. They use the context they think is suitable for that quote. They verify the quote in their own brain and act on that according to their own standard.

For example: honestly is the best policy. Now see how people apply this quote in their lives differently while thinking that they are following the message in the same way others are using.

  • A person pays the right amount to his workers and makes sure that there should not be any penny  up or down.
  • Second person thinks he should not get a leave while making any fake excuse.
  • Third person thinks he should not take advantage of his company rules.
  • Fourth thinks, he should be honest in front of his wife and should not hid his feelings at any cost.
  • Fifth one thinks he should not earn a huge profit from the things he is selling- normal profit is OK.
  • Sixth one thinks one should not advertise wrong traits of his products to market them at large level.
  • Another one thinks one should not tell a lie to his family about his income.

There are countless examples to quote.  The crux is that when we start perceiving some information, we interpret it in our own brain, in our own unique way, and apply in our particular circumstance. We definitely perceive very uniquely and claim that we are perceiving something like others. Whereas our perception is very unique by all means. The same concept, the other person is applying in some other field of life and claiming that the concept is his favorite one.

Therefore, belonging to the same religion, we behave differently, react differently, adapt differently to different circumstances, and feel differently on similar occasions. We think we are following the same education and moral values, but our perception is different. The way we adopt the teachings, is very much contrasting to others.

Thanks

The Universal Parental Religion 

There are many cultures in this world and all are aware of the name, ‘cultural differences’. We think we belong to a different region so our likes and dislikes are different. We feel we behave similarly while living in the same group and follow the same religious teachings that each one of us living around us belong to. For example, being a Muslim, we think all Muslims are alike because they share the same religion. Being a Christian, we think all Christians behave in a certain way. Usually people living in one group for a long time, share many things together – they follow the same teachings, cultural aspects, traditions, customs and other trivial ways of life.

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Watering Your Seed Of Love Blindly Is Equal To Digging Your Grave

Love is a blessing, a virtue, a diamond, a star, a flower, anything you love, you love. No one can dictate you what you need to love. Love is your personal choice. Your identity your personal trait. You are always right in loving something, someone or any abstract concept. You are the owner of your love. Even in the worst times of life, you cannot stop loving someone you love. Love remains in your heart so it will not affect your day to day life, it will not affect your attitudes, it will not change your behavior, it will not even make you conscious of your feelings of your love. Love is so much more reliable and valid like your prayers – like your heart.

In spite of all of your perfect and precious love, I tell you, you love first and define later. Your love is always biased. Your love is always fair and right. Your love is always good for you. Your love is always adorable and high.

Your love is almost settled in your teen years. You are programmed to love, according to the teachings of your parents, culture, society and education at large. After your teen- age, you only defend your love and find reasons. You love first, then prove why you love. You first decide who is your love and then prove why you love that particular body. First, you choose whom you love and then argue in favor of or against that person.

For example, you love your mother first, then you find particular traits in her and say you love your mother due to such traits. So even you are not aware of your unconscious feelings of love for your mother. Similarly, you love your children first, then argue about your love that is already there. Certainly it will be true for all of your loving attitudes. You will not realize that you do not choose anything due to its qualities, attributes or traits rather you choose something due to your first belief of love for it. When you decide it is good, you go for it and it proves good to you. When you decide it is bad for you, then you convince yourself by arguments that the thing is not worth loving.

In contrast, when you find something new in your life, you again try to reach to the conclusion and resolve it on your first experience with it. You decide once for all what is that: loving or ugly. Whatever you decide, usually you do not go against it later on. This is human nature.

For some special matters, we change our opinions of love after not getting the expected response and if consistently we face unexpected reactions for a long time, then we ultimately are forced to change our opinion about love. Thus we settle down to another conviction and again start defending it by our heart and soul for a fairly long time. Here it is important to note that the more tension between our belief of love and our contrasted experiences is, the worst we would feel. So the beliefs of love are not wrong but when they prove wrong, they hurt us. As beliefs always come first, we should be very careful in progressing them with great heart work. Again the more stronger they are, the more damage they might bring to us.

Thanks

Morality From Culture To Culture

When I search for humanity in literature, it usually comes with broad perspectives about the products like truth, honesty, empathy, selflessness, sincerity, and all other things related to these. Although these are not wrong perceptions about humanity, but we need a clear and concise concept about each of it in this complex era. For example, for truth, it must be clear what to say in a particular circumstance, whom to say truth, how to deliver it, when to deliver it and other related precise details. Sometimes, one single truth may take a  person’s life and alternatively that truth may also save someone’s life. The same is true with other phenomena. We are for many times not sure about the reality of our morality or we are not trained in that sense that is why we miss many expressions of it.

We simply apply the morality, what we think morality is. In some cultures, respect is something related to standing up in front of others (like in Pakistan) while in others respect is something related to doing what is required (like in China). Similarly, in some cultures, asking for help is not respectable (in some parts of India) while in others it is the most convenient way to live (in UK). Nevertheless, in some places, one should take care of others’ likes and dislikes with the exchange of highly valuable gifts (like in Pakistan) while in others one must give someone (as a gift) what he /she likes for him/her self (sender)  plus it could be anything from a feather to a house (like Arab countries). There are a thousand examples to quote in this regard that prove that we address morality according to our own cultural, religious and personal needs.

Similarly, there are certain things in one culture that are thought as normal while in others are simply rude. For example, in one culture guests may be refused politely if you are busy (like in the UK), while in another one, guests simply cannot be refused or we will become rude. Like in Pakistan and India, guest cannot be refused at any time, for any cause. It is not polite to refuse them. Likewise, in some cultures, one must not enter others personal space while in others this is being proud, antisocial, and unfriendly. When we compare the rights and duties of women and men in different cultures of the world, we will find huge differences of different kinds. In short, whatever is your culture, you will feel that way and judge others accordingly.

When we define our morality according to our needs, we must respect others moral values as they are too according to their needs. However, there is a very delicate line between what is a cultural thing and a criminal thing. For example, in one culture, marriages are more about businesses whereas in others a marriage is a sacred entity and is more about religion. In some cultures, women are not treated equally like men and they need to know more about morality than men. In such cultures, girls have no right to ask about their status or should not expect the same status like boys. Their moral values vary for each section of the society and morality means total slavery of the poor class to the rich class/bosses/owners. From these examples, one must think what kind of cultures are these? Are they carrying up some values or criminal acts in the name of cultural beauties?

Thus, to take care of someone’s culture when you know it is not worth taking care, is more about harming him/her than benefiting. Whenever we encounter something dangerous, alarming, negative, in the name of morality, we must not obey, irrespective of its origin or root cause. We must obey the moral rules that are in the interest of humanity overall. If there is any rule that is neither harming anyone nor benefiting, then it is up to us to follow it or not to follow. We, being the best judge, can set a moral guideline for us and others that proves best or we can choose to adapt (already set world criteria of being human) otherwise.