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When a girl is born in the UK, her parents welcome the child with flowers of love, care, and unconditional affection. Girl daughters feel very proud of being a daughter and start their life with great confidence and motivation. They are pleasantly taught about the rules of life in which they are expected to be educated as much as possible, to achieve a career to their satisfaction, and to live a happy life ever after. They are taught about the freedom they will enjoy in their life; they are taught about their rights ( right to move, right to dress-up, right to marry, right to re-marry, right to divorce, right to have kids’ custody, right to speak about their love and interests, right to save their life, right to leave a bad person’s company, right to live alone, right to speak for their rights, right to call police in time of danger, right to excel, right to live as per their wish). Girls are always their parent’s daughters like sons: no discrimination at all. Girls enjoy the same lifestyle as their brothers keep rather they are more valued and honored. Parents spend more on little girls and let them enjoy the games like judo, karate, gymnastic, swimming, boxing, and other skills even when they are 3 or 4 years old. Usually, girls show more energy and flexibility in these games! They are never given any message in which they would be fearful about their future husband, future home or future in-laws! They are never given any idea of ‘leaving home after marriage’, rather they can live forever with their parents if they would like. Girls are more protected in a sense they can live alone after they are grown up. They can choose their partner and get a divorce without having any ‘honor killing’ syndrome. They can very easily shut the door to their husband if he is harassing them or abusing them in any form.  They  are not mentally prepared for the house hold work in future ( for the husband and his family). They are not waiting for the prince to take them to his palace to protect them ( an imaginary theme). They are free to move anywhere in the world with peace of mind and happiness. They are free to choose any profession, any vehicle to travel, and any identity to own. They enjoy the support of their parents, culture, society and the government in each and every field of life. They are very much pampered and loved. 

    It does not mean there is no rape, no sexual or emotional abuse, no threat and no killing in this society. There are still some cases to report and to feel scared; however, they are not as much in quantity as much we ( in Pakistan) could note and publish. In each home of Pakistan, gender discrimination, gender differences, physical and emotional abuses, parental control ( negative )and female child neglect is very much prevalent. A female child starts her life with lots of mixed messages about her female role at home, in society and in her married life. She is supposed to adopt that role in her adult life irrespective of her education or career choices. She is very much forced to think in that particular way in which she is a female, a responsibility to parents, a subject of fear, a figure of special respect, a source of honor, a guest in her parents home, a person who will be living the life of her husband, a person who will leave her parental home for her husband’s home, a person who cannot live alone with respect and honor, a person who is less powerful than a man, a person who would always need a man to protect her, a person who is vulnerable to various traumas, a person who should be caring, loving and serving to others, a weak person and a weak decision maker. 

   

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Thus girls, even from educated and well-established families suffer a lot. They do not enjoy their life as they would if they were born in the UK ( or any other liberal society). They are very much oppressed and suppressed due to societal norms, traditions and customs. They even like those traditions and beliefs as the change would disturb their comfort zone. However, this is not what should continue as many of them are suffering a lot due to these discriminatory acts and thoughts,painful beliefs, cruel customs, horrible traditions, bizarre irregularities, injustices, emotional, physical and sexual abuses. Mostly women who suffer from such traumas in their childhood, are  very much vulnerable to anxieties, depression, and post traumatic stress disorders in their adulthood. So much so, suicidal thoughts are very common among such victims.

    Therefore, I request you ( if you are a parent) to please negate the beliefs that create any discrimination among your kids; ( if you are a girl) fight for your own rights or at least never accept any negative belief; (if you are a victim) speak about it on any forum you could and if you are in any capacity to protect someone you know- please go ahead and bring a change in society.

Thanks

courtesy to Google images

Female Child Abuse in Pakistan​

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Almost every other child in Pakistan is being, physically, mentally, sexually and emotionally severely abused by her own family members. The data is usually not collected and news is never generated for ordinary people. Even if the news is being printed, the case is being registered; there is no output from police or courts. 

People do not check their attitude towards their kids- usually, it is too rigid, harsh and intolerable. They scold them, beat them and even torture them so badly that they feel like to run away from home. Especially for the females, their behavior is never acceptable. The following examples will further elaborate the concept of female abuse in detail: 
a. Most of the parents never welcome a female child – a kind of abuse
b. Parents always expect from female child to take care of siblings and others in terms of house chores and serving food. 
c. The female child is rarely exposed to good education and health needs. 
d. Female Child is always kept home due to security and religious reasons. 
e. The female child is never allowed to play in parks with boys  or alone.
f. the female child is not given skill or technical education. 
g. female child is always exposed to toxic beliefs : such as leaving home after marriage, being obedient to husband; being obedient to in-laws; never ask for her own interests; sacrifice for the family honor; never argue in front of husband; never think of her own income; girls first priority is home; girls should be expert in cooking; girls should not participate in family matters as they have to leave the family one day; girls should not go to markets often; girls should not mix with boys; girls should not speak loudly; sons are better than daughters; and many alike.Some of the beliefs are not bad itself; however, they are used in such a negative way that contribute towards female child abuse very much.  
g. The female child is encouraged to look after her face, body, and dress more than other things (education, career, finance, and security) as she is supposed to win a beauty contest for the future husband. 
h. Some female children are being sold, dropped somewhere or left unattended for being female at home. 
i. Some fathers always blame their wives for giving birth to a female child in front of their daughters. 
j. People offer food to male members first and then females. This applies to other things also. 
k. The females are less likely to be exposed to driving a car, bus or truck. Similarly, she is less likely to shop (any big item that a boy can buy), run a business or have a bank account under parents guidance. As a child, they are never educated to adapt these roles in future. 
L. Parents spend a lot on sons compared to daughters. 
m. The female child is less likely to have friends or enjoy any social circle. 
There are many other restrictions that make a female child less confident, less motivated and less creative. They are never able to lead their own lives and follow their dreams. Rather they always walk on the egg shells with the fear of being homeless, stigmatized or tortured ( in some cases being dead). 
 
Thanks 
Courtesy to google images

Stop Abusing Your Kids!

Abuse is a wide term that can start from a little humiliating joke to threatening a person to death. Every individual perceive it differently and silently! However, a general rule of thumb is that it is some feeling that you bear out of being abused from someone you know. Parents are not free from this kind of allegation as some of us definitely abuse their children. How can a parent abuse his child? There are many ways to abuse a child in which some are
being short listed below:

a. When a parent deliberately ignores his child’s needs such as cleaning, washing, feeding, cuddling and teaching..
b. When you see a child in danger and do not react in the best possible way to help the child whether it is your or someone else’s.
c. When you teach your child how to harm others, how to tell a lie, how to create fuss or how to make mess- you are abusing her.
d. When you do not stop your child from being aggressive, being crazy, being obsessive, or from being selfish. In each case, it is your duty as a parent to teach your child about her possible negative behavioral consequences.
e. When you teach your child about wrong, negative and harmful traditions of your society. Your child is not supposed to fulfill demands of society’s unhealthy and cruel traditions if there are any.
f. When you do not give your child a sense of confidence that she could share her feelings with you; you are abusing her. She will not feel secure unless you make her feel secure by your behavior and verbal assurance.
g. When you leave your child in a stressful situation to punish her. It is also a kind of abuse if your child is innocent and not getting what you mean.
h. When you force your child to sit with people she does not like or when you force your child to talk to people she does not like to talk to. You are not supposed to force your child to do anything unless her safety and security is compromised in doing so.
i. When you leave your child with others whom you are not sure if they would provide enough care to your child.
j. When you threat your child to leave her alone or any other kind of threat!

These are all passive abusive behaviors that most of the parents unconsciously adapt. It is always good to see our attitude in terms of abusive language; sometimes we can modify our role and become a good parent!

Rukhsati: A Tragedy Of The Women Of Pakistan

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source : retrieved from Google images. Just search ‘rukhsati’ on google, or on you tube; you will get it all what it means to Parents of Pakistan.

Parents who are symbol of love, care, blessing and happiness for the children are sometimes perceived as strangers, caretakers, and home owners. Parents who should give unconditional love to their children, in some parts of the world, extend their love to their children if they belong to a specific gender-male. For girls, their love is temporary, conditional and very much hypocritical. In almost each and every part of Pakistan:

  1. Daughters are taken as guests in the parent’s home until they are married.
  2. Girls are supposed to leave their parental home forever on wedding day (a tradition called Rukhsati)
  3. Sons are expected to live with their parents and take care of them.
  4. Daughters are expected not to visit their parents often after marriage
  5. Son is usually discouraged to see his in-laws often
  6. Daughters are supposed to do house chores and obey their husbands /in-laws
  7. Most parents think it is a matter of their great honor ( in the most negative way) or they will kill their daughters if:
    • Their daughter gets a divorce and come back due to any reason
    • Their daughter is raped or abused
    • Their daughter comes back due to facing brutality and cruelty of in-laws
    • Their daughter comes back due to having husbands rude, unfair and constantly demanding attitude
    • Their daughter is simply not ready to get married
    • Their daughter is having an affair  or on date
    • their daughter wants to live independently and alone
    • their daughter wants to live with her parents forever

In short, parents that are the only hope of children in this cruel world to welcome them, comfort them and console them in time of need and grief; in Pakistan girls are very much deprived of that ever lasting shadow of pure and powerful loving background. Girls, to some extent, receive their share of love and care from almost all kinds of parents; however that love is not enough to provide them with the energy to fight for their rights and live happily ever after. In life love is not the solution of every practical problem; rather we need to enforce some laws, rules, regulations to administer the social evils wisely. The traditions that cause discrimination, feelings of helplessness and flourish injustice, abuse and cruelty/atrocity among society members at a large scale, must be banned. We are not born to follow traditions blindly; rather traditions are established to comfort and facilitate us in a better way. Hope,  people and especially parents would think twice before saying their girls a guest in their homes.

When You Perceive A Negative Belief In The Name Of Positivity

Positivity is a universal trait and a common factor to enhance our well being all over the world. Every day we learn about positivity and try to adopt it as much as possible in our day to day life. We love to be called as positive parents, couples, children and positive members of our society. We by all means, fight with our negativity and try our best to achieve an acceptable level of  resilience. It is our utmost aim to live a happy, positive and successful life.

Unfortunately, our positivity is not a real positive thing  rather a cultural belief. In some of the cultures of this world, people are suffering from their positive (unnatural and false) attitudes.  For example, in the traditional societies of Pakistan, there are many beliefs that are thought as positive and people love to hold them as a symbol of pride and honour whereas they are a source of grief, anxiety, and depression for the other group of people.

Consider the following examples for clarification purpose:

In Pakistan:

  • It is very common to wish a baby boy for a young couple as boys are thought as superior than girls.
  • Baby girls are thought as guests in their own home. It is very much acceptable belief that a girl’s own home is settled after her marriage.
  • They are usually given less priority in almost all affairs compared to boys. It is very common norm to say exclusively to girls to eat after the boys and serve the others.
  • Some household chores like doing dishes, cleaning pots, washing, and dusting, are reserved for girls due to their very nature (low-degree jobs).
  • Many things like riding a bike, playing in a park, running a shop, riding a bike and dressing up like boys, are thought as boys things so the girls are not allowed to do that.
  • Most of the families do not allow girls to select their partner and they consider it a matter of their honor.
  • On the birth of a baby girl, mothers could be divorced, beaten, or verbally emotionally severely abused.
  • Some professions are taken as reserved for girls only (teaching, medical, and artistic) otherwise boys can join any profession they like to be in.
  • A girl has to obey her husband throughout her life (irrespective of his cruelty, tortures and abuses), as divorce is thought as a stigma on a girl’s life.

People do not accept the right of living alone for their girls as it is  too a matter of honor and dignity.

The list is never ending indeed. My purpose is not to highlighting the discrimination against women in Pakistan, rather to emphasize the idea that some of the cultural things are taken as a symbol of pride, honor and respect; people adopt them and feel happy in adopting them blindly as a part of their culture. They have no idea that their acceptance of cruelty would make the counter parts sick, dumb and vulnerable, susceptible, and unfortunate.

In the light of the above examples, girls feel extremely low self-esteem, decreased level of self-worth, lowest level of self-respect, and lose their self confidence in studies, social life, and after that in professional life. They feel homesick in the company of their own parents, they feel rejected and ignored at home and in society, they feel less powerful in the practical life ahead and in the end they compromise for the sake of their own family – usually children.

What is so positive in the eyes of the public (it is better for girls to stay at home) is not a fair decision. What is  so acceptable among society members (girls are guests in their own homes) is making our half of the population feel homeless and homesick. What is taken as a symbol of honor (you are the mother of boys) is making the daughters feel miserable and less worthy. What is  thought as girls’  sole responsibility (to perform exclusively household duties) is an example of severe gender discrimination.  What is  so common and good tradition of our culture (girls leave their parents on wedding day and live at the mercy of their husband and in laws forever) is making our daughters feel segregated and helpless in many ways. Indeed, these are all rubbish ideas, wrong theories, and false practices established in the dark ages when people lived in caves and had no education at all.

My stance is that one must not accept all the positivity blindly until or unless it is proved that the idea is worth accepting as a positive idea. One culture might involve something negative in the name of positivity. It is not always enough to say that hundreds of thousands of people are following one thing so the thing is worth following. NO. Sometimes, a wrong thing is followed by a large group of people, but the thing is wrong indeed. Thus, it is up to you whether you accept the idea as a positive one or reject it as it is. When a positive idea is positive, it spreads positivity. On the other side, when a negative idea is supported by most people and thought as a positive one- it will generate negativity, discrimination, inequality and resentment. There is no such universal formula that could define what is negativity and what is positivity – but you can save yourself from such messages through a severe negation as they stop you from being active, confident, successful, energetic, passionate, vibrant, creative, professional, empowered, assertive, decisive, happy and lively.

Thanks

When rules and values need not to be put through?

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We need rules, values, laws and boundaries create a peaceful society, to control our emotions and to have a little check on all of us for being honest, trustworthy, and disciplined human being. We, in all over the world observe certain patterns with respect to our safety, integrity and well-being. We as a nation cannot deny the rule of law over almost everything we come across, whether it relates to your ego, respect, and freedom of choice or it is a matter of your rights of living, schooling, and facilitating your health worries. We, with no doubt, understand the importance of civic laws, social laws, and moral laws, especially which are running in our local setups.

Now consider the following examples :

I still remember when I entered UK immigration zone three years back. It was in the long queue waiting for the check out while holding my one year old infant baby boy on my lab. Though my son was intact and seemed fresh, yet I was over tired with the long journey of about 15 hours,  while doing babysitting and nursing intensely. I was thinking that UK is a country where rules have priority over everything so I would have to face a long queue in any circumstance. Moreover neither me nor my son was sick to get some excuse. While I was thinking in these lines, one lady came towards me and took me to the front bench to sit and wait. I thought there must be some kind of punishment for me as I was from Pakistan( apparently a corrupt country ). But then I came to know that it was an honor for a mother with an infant to get priority over public  and leave the queue. We were out of the immigration so soon that no one could imagine.  This was not discrimination rather a great gesture of honor for the mothers from the UK ( the country of laws).

Usually we are bound to obey the road signs and traffic rules in Scotland. Police can put a penalty of huge amount if someone is caught by while breaking the law. However, I with my little son have enjoyed a free walk and crossing at any time, at any place without any obvious restriction of law as traffic from both sides willingly and courteously used to stop for us even in rush hours and at restricted places (where one cannot cross the road). It does not mean, we are illiterate or getting unfair advantage of our rude behavior rather wherever we stand for a while along the road, the traffic from the opposite side thinks that we are about to cross and stops. Sometimes, we had to cross the road unwillingly as the traffic was waiting for us to clear the road. How amazing and caring attitude indeed these people have!

My driving instructor told me about each and every rule of driving while saying that when there is matter of saving your or others life, no rule is more important.

In buses, trains, and parks, people give priority to others (older, younger, kids, women, special) voluntarily and leave the space for them.

Once I took my parcel back from the Royal Mail, which has already been sent to the receiver. According to law, no one could do me a favor but according to morals, one could get it back. I thought it is UK, so law would not help me out. I was wrong in that assessment as the people here left the law aside to get me out of trouble. I thank royal mail for their timely help and great concerns.

Therefore, laws are there to help us , to organize and control us, to create discipline among nations, societies, and cultures, to protect humans from animals or animal like humans, to punish the cruel acts and to flourish the empathy and sympathy among people, to save the nation from discrimination, nepotism, and inequality, to promote love, cooperation and justice  overall. But whenever there is a special need to break the law in rare circumstances, to get the same objective (described above), one must not care for the law and rather go for the objective. It is too one form of abiding by, strengthening and rejuvenating the law in real spirit. So when the law is the basic hurdle in cultivation of peace, break it or bypass it for your safety and dignity.

Do We Perceive Moral Values As Per Our Will?

What we Misperceive through our eyes, is not always restricted to our eyes. You must have seen many optical illusions in your life that represent different perceptions for different people. Nobody is sure for their reality. They change their perception even for the same person. Strange! But it is true. If you have no idea of illusions, then click the link below to learn more about illusions.

http://www.michaelbach.de/ot/

Today my focus is not on illusions rather the secret behind those illusions. First consider the following examples:

  1. Have you ever read a word according to your own mental picture- rice for price, money for enemy, sex for best and many others.
  2. People comment on the same product that vary a lot. For some it is amazing and for others it is disgusting.
  3. For one color, different people have different opinions. Some adore a color and some hate the same!

Thus we can conclude that we have different perceptions of the same phenomena at the same time. Even we change our perception with respect to a little change in time, our experience or age. One idea is brilliant for one person, and the same idea is shit for the other one. One article is worth reading for one, and the same article is rubbish for the other one. One man is the real leader for one party and the same man is a big joke for the other one. We have thousand examples to quote in this regard.

In spite of all that, we cannot say that a man is a women, a killer is a good man, a rapist is at right cause, a child is not innocent, a robbery is appreciable and all other examples alike.

There must be some limit in perceiving a thing in our own way. We can say that we love someone because of his smartness and others can say that they love the same person for his intellect but we cannot say that we love someone because of his cruelty.

In the moral world, things are more complicated and more illusions exist than any other field of life. One moral quote is perceived differently among different people. Usually people act upon moral education as per their own perceptual understanding of that moral thought. They use the context they think is suitable for that quote. They verify the quote in their own brain and act on that according to their own standard.

For example: honestly is the best policy. Now see how people apply this quote in their lives differently while thinking that they are following the message in the same way others are using.

  • A person pays the right amount to his workers and makes sure that there should not be any penny  up or down.
  • Second person thinks he should not get a leave while making any fake excuse.
  • Third person thinks he should not take advantage of his company rules.
  • Fourth thinks, he should be honest in front of his wife and should not hid his feelings at any cost.
  • Fifth one thinks he should not earn a huge profit from the things he is selling- normal profit is OK.
  • Sixth one thinks one should not advertise wrong traits of his products to market them at large level.
  • Another one thinks one should not tell a lie to his family about his income.

There are countless examples to quote.  The crux is that when we start perceiving some information, we interpret it in our own brain, in our own unique way, and apply in our particular circumstance. We definitely perceive very uniquely and claim that we are perceiving something like others. Whereas our perception is very unique by all means. The same concept, the other person is applying in some other field of life and claiming that the concept is his favorite one.

Therefore, belonging to the same religion, we behave differently, react differently, adapt differently to different circumstances, and feel differently on similar occasions. We think we are following the same education and moral values, but our perception is different. The way we adopt the teachings, is very much contrasting to others.

Thanks