Educational Psychology

Keeping a balance between mind and body while focusing on the goal leads to success:

Courtesy to Google images

Today was the Fun Sports Day in St Mary’s Primary School, Bathgate. My son was also participating and having fun with his friends. It was a sunny day with light wind. I was not sure what I was going to observe and learn about that specific event. I thought I would just pass time and then come back with blank mind. After all the sports level was quite basic. There could hardly be anything to learn from.

Then I started watching little kids running and trying to win enthusiastically and with great passion. I can see real fun on their faces and more fun on the parents of those kids. It was not as boring as I thought I would be.

The main thing was that they all were of the same age in one group and belonged to almost similar cultures. They were having almost similar nurturing environments, learning facilities, and parental involvement. They had no specific instructions on how to win. They all seemed fully engaged with the idea of winning and having fun. I meant to say that despite having similar developmental levels and almost equal learning opportunities, one or two of them stood apart out of the group of around 20 to 25 and won the race.

I observed that the children who won had some similar traits, for instance:

They all were very much focused

They all were maintaining a balance between their brains and body movements

They all seemed very much attentive to their tasks

They all were maintaining a normal pace neither fast nor slow

They won irrespective of their body shape and energy level as some of them were fat

I also noticed that the children who were left behind the winners were sharing some traits too, for instance

Some were fun-seeking

Some were highly enthusiastic

Some were overly anxious

Some were too relaxed

Some seemed uninterested

Some looked depressed

Some were overly conscious

So what do we learn from it. In life, we all try to maintain a balance between our mental states and bodily actions. We get instructions from our brains to complete the tasks as effectively as possible. We all want to reach our goals without losing the balance! At every stage of life, we compare ourselves with people who are similar to us in some capacity. When we see others going fast, we try hard to win. Meanwhile, when we see others leaving behind, we try harder to get better than those who are ahead of us. And the race continues.

In fact, life is not a race. We don’t have to win to compete with others rather we have to win to reach our full potential. When we reach our full potential, it does not matter whether we won or not. So we should try our best and use each and every possible means to find our dreams. We should enjoy the process as well. The goal should not be to win and leave others behind; rather win while utilizing our full potential and improve ourselves to achieve what we want.

Consider the age appropriate reasoning in motivating your kids to do something important to you and them

The word ‘why’ is very important in motivating a person to make some decision. When one believes that the task given to him is worth considering, he/she is naturally inclined towards it. The goal, belief, purpose, benefit or cash whatever is in your mind to boost your energy towards a set task, is the most important thing. It is usually in your unconscious when you set your mind to take an action. There could be one or several motivating forces behind your actions;  however, usually one factor is big enough to make a person willing to do something.

For the children ‘why’ is very important as well. They are never willing to do anything unless you tell them the reason for that. Suppose being a parent you want your child to work hard and stand first in his/her class. You apply different techniques to get that goal. You offer various reasons to work hard. Say you tell them to:

  • Work hard – as it will help you to become a successful man in future
  • Work hard- as it will help you to gain popularity among kids.
  • Work hard- as it will boost your scores in the class.
  • Work hard – as your parents would feel proud of you.
  • Work hard – as you will get a beautiful life after that.
  • Work hard – as you will be punished if you fail.
  • Work hard- it will make you smart and strong.
  • Work hard- if you want to achieve your goals in future.
  • Work hard- it is good for your mental health.
  • Work hard- as it was the wish of your grandparents.
  • Work hard- as I love to see you working hard.

Consider all of these goals wisely and think about them. Do you feel motivated if you are said like that? Rarely, we get involved by these motivational catching statements. What about children- they don’t pay attention at all!

Now change your strategy and divide the time into the units. For the kids, consider the age of the child being a big factor in making them motivated towards doing something. If your child is 5-year-old and he/she is interested in playing with toys for most of the time; then consider this information as the best motivating force. For example:

  • Work hard for one more hour – as I have a secret surprise for you.
  • Work hard for the next two hours- as there is something of your choice waiting for you.
  • Work hard for half an hour please- as we are going to play together after that.
  • Work hard for one more hour please- then you will get a reward sticker for today.
  • Work hard for the whole day – as in the end of the day, you will be surprised by some sweets (of your choice).
  • Work hard for two hours only- then you can watch your favorite movie/video.

 Basically, there could be anything from your kid’s favorite world of choices to offer to motivate them. They will get motivated and willingly perform the hard work each day. After passing a few months or weeks, they will no longer be interested in the old motives; rather would need a new list of motives to make them energetic again. And the cycle of motivation will continue until they would understand the meaning of working hard in the real sense. And as each child is unique and capable of doing a lot with the great power of motivation, enthusiasm and creative abilities; one should seek for various incentives for each child to work in the unconscious according to her age group and as per her own need at that particular time frame.

Thanks

1

Doing Homework is Fun for Some!

28641140646_b78bef08dc_c

When your child is not interested in doing homework? Not interested in reading or not interesting in writing – what would you do ? Stuck! Follow the steps below and hope for the best.

  • At first, start thinking positively. Your child might not be a scientist, doctor, engineer, or priest of the future- he might become a sweeper, postman, door guard or cleaner of someone’s house in future. There is nothing wrong in it. What is important in life is education, not status; morality, not money; character, not beauty and good health is the one and the only thing in life to strive for and thankful to All-Mighty.
  • Now, if you still want your child to study hard and pay attention to homework; then watch him or her minutely. Watch day and night and look for things he or she is interested in. Find out his or her interests or cultivate some interests in his or her life. List all of those things according to the priority of your child. For example:

Watching movies

Playing digital games

Playing outside

Talking to friends on Facebook

Singing or listening music

  • Now try to motivate your child to do some homework through the above incentives. You can appreciate his or her small efforts with the rewards ( above mentioned) or anything else appropriate. Please take care of timings in this regard. The incentive should be achievable and not frustrating to achieve within a reasonable time frame. The reward should be very near to completing a task; otherwise, it will lose its effect. There could be thousands of incentives, rewards, motivating grandeurs, and charms for kids to manipulate; however they should not be used in the routine. When a child is a little bit used to do his or her homework in time, incentives are no more needed; otherwise, the child would learn to manipulate your needs as well.
  • Start talking with your child ( in any age) with confidence about the issues you are facing with him or her. Tell him or her, what is irritating you and in what ways, he or she could solve this issue. Tell your child honestly that you are suffering from him or her. Help him or her to understand your stance, perspective, and concern; no matter how long and how many times you need to talk!
  • It is always better not to compare your child with other children; however, sometimes you have to set criteria to educate your children. You can explain your child, ‘ look, the other child is reading very fast, can you try to read like him, or better’. Your child will start trying. Appreciate, appreciate and appreciate. That’s all. Leave other child and focus on your child again.
  • Do what you want from your child. You cannot do his homework, but can do something on a notebook in the same time your child is doing homework. This is true when the home is single child home. Parents should be present with their children mentally and physically when their children are studying. At least for the young children, this is a must! It will make doing homework a fun for your child.

There are many other things to suggest but would recommend in another blog.

Thanks

Problems Based on Realistic, Imaginary or Conceptual Solutions

There are countless kinds of psychological disorders-some are already discovered and some are still in disguise. We, being a human, are destined to face emotional ups and downs-there is nothing wrong with it. However, we, the psychologists, name our emotional episodes when they are more prominent to other emotions and become a hindrance in performing day to day life activities. We, seek for the therapist or psychologist to get a quick relief-without knowing the nature of our problem. Though psychologists are well trained and insightful, yet they are unable to find out our repressed thoughts and related experiences. Therefore, they would guess about the real nature of our problems   instead of seeking the true diagnosis!

So first you need to tell the doctor( (psychologist) what are you feeling? What are your worries and what you want to get out of prescription? When you tell the symptoms of your disease; the doctor tries to assess it too, and confirms your disease to prescribe a set of medicines and recommendations. In the same manner, you need to tell the psychologist the real symptoms of your disease(disorder) based on what the therapist would assist you with the counseling procedure. However, in the world of psychology, neither you could convey the right feelings inside you nor your therapist could judge finally what is the trouble through scientific analysis ( like blood tests and x-rays in medical science). This is the dilemma of the psychotherapies and a clear reason for being not so popular in the modern world.

Honestly think about your worries, distortions, and perceptual ambiguities and then decide if they need :

  1. realistic practical solutions
  2. imaginary refined mind-set
  3. new behavioral changes
  4. new conceptual understanding
  5. physical health along with psychological well-being
  6. clarity of thought, concepts or beliefs

For the practical problems, you do not need a psychologist- rather a lawyer, doctor, social worker or a helping hand.

Then ask yourself, are you in trouble due to your own things or things related to other fellows? Things which involve other fellow beings need others too, to participate in the session with you.

When you are aware of the nature of your problem, you go to the right person and save your time and energy. It is the basics you must know before going to any therapist or counselor. Wish you good luck and be happy!

Say Sorry To Your Kids!

Parents are always interested in the well being of their children and sacrifice is their second nature. Parents usually collect all their wisdom and comfort their children first and then think about their own needs. We, no doubt, are very much aware of our parent’s intentions, well wishes, and great love for us.

 However, there is no perfect parent in this world. One can try to become perfect; but it is simply not possible to do all what is required in the most professional mechanical way at the exact time. So we are prone to do mistakes while having a great pressure of good parenting style. What do you do when you acknowledge your mistake? Let me give you some examples to understand the concept:

  • Suppose you could not get what your child is saying and shuts her up abruptly
  • Suppose you mistakenly taught wrong meaning to your child
  • Suppose you are upset due to some reason and snubs your child rudely
  • Suppose you could not make some food for your child due to your leisure or lazy attitude
  • Suppose you know you could comfort your child, but you did not act like that due to some enmity for your husband
  • Suppose you are neglecting your child due to your abusive relationship with your partner
  • Suppose you are ill-treating your child due to your anxiety in job

There could be several reasons for your rude behavior with your children that would create a guilt for you. You know you have done something wrong with your children and no body is witness to that. You, in your heart, feel guilt and shame! You feel regret and sorry for that. How would you treat yourself positively and replace your feelings with new energy of love?

Certainly it is very important for you to get rid of such feelings but how?

There is not much work for you to do in this regard. You may say SORRY  to your child and explain to her why you were rude or indifferent according to her age level. Even if the child is two years old, she will listen to you carefully and respond empathetically. This is most important for both of you to resolve the issue as early as possible; otherwise the gap of misunderstanding would become too huge to settle down.

The Best Medicine For Stressed Parents  

 

DSCF6862

In todays modern lifestyle, everyone is stressed up, tired and bore,  especially the parents. In most of the parts of the world, parents are usually engaged in earnings and greatly tired when back home. Even if one of the parents is not working hand, he or she must be doing house chores and at the end of the day would feel strained, pains, and aches with dull and strange mood. Each one of us is suffering from some kind of anxieties so they will further boost the stress and play their role in feeling less energetic and rude to some extent. Usually parents are irritating and annoyed on trivial matters of children. They feel like to take a long, deep sleep when their children want their time!

Not all of you have the same situation so I will focus on the group who is especially stressful and full of anxiety and depression at the moment. However, it is becoming very common routine of parents nowadays to become more critical and less sharing with their kids. My observation is not different in this regard. I have seen many who just want to get rid of their day to day routine and want an escape. They are simply not ready to accept the reality of their situation that they are Parents now and no more kids!

What parents do when they feel low? Usually they take medicines, go for the therapies, and try several tips to return to their old track. They go for swimming, for example, go for a walk, go to the gym, go to yoga, listen soft and soothing music, change their eating habits, and do whatever their source suggests them to do to live a stress free life. The point is that all of such tactics are not wrong if they do not  forget one thing all together.

They forget that nature can never ever do something wrong with them. They, being a parent, are not blessed with only duties, responsibilities and anxieties. Nature’s blessings are  equal to everyone. It makes no sense that what a wealthy man can afford to relax, a poor cannot. This is especially not true with the parental stress. Nature cannot be biased in bestowing her blessings to its creation. There must be something wrong with us. We must have forgotten something very important and unique; so we are suffering.

That, something very important is, that the best medicine is the sharing your love with someone: your parents, siblings, your children or your friends. When you love someone, you are in cool mood, stress free and fresh. When you become parents you become more responsible and mature. This does not mean you cannot play with your kids. You need to understand that playing with your kids is not only your kids wish and need; it is basically your physical and innate need. Moreover, playing with your kid will reduce your stress hormones, give you more happiness, increase your oxygen level, boost your energy, improve your vision and memory and leave you with a refreshed and sexy human being. If you are suffering from high blood pressure, diabetes and any kind of psychological disorder, your time spent with your kids will help you to recover fast.

Here, it is important to note that playing with your kids should not be taken as going with your kids to the playground or playing areas. You should spare some time to play with your children every day in which you play a role just like your kid. You may pretend that, but it is the most important part of the game. Even if your kids play with their siblings, cousins, or friends, your role will never be compensated. Thus to become a loving and caring parent, you need to engage yourself with your kids as much as possible. It will not only help your kids to become a good human being rather get you away from present or upcoming diseases, sufferings, anxieties, and stresses.

If you have another point to raise in this regard, please do not mind commenting on it. I would love to reply you in my humble capacity.

Thanks

How To Improve Interaction And Attachment Between You And Your Children  

 

There are many activities that you can choose from to create a wonderful environment at home while playing with your kids, but in this article I will only focus on things that need no or small amount of cash and will provide maximum pleasure of interaction and attachment between you and your toddlers.

1. Stickers

You may buy stickers for your and your kid’s choice and guide your child to stick them on their favorite toys to look better. For example, they can make eyes on several items; they can put the ball like stickers on the wheels of their cars to make the wheels more beautiful; they can fix many things with the help of stickers. It is so much fascinating and creative activity that not only provides your child a good hand and eye co-ordination rather is vital for strong bonding between you and your children.

2. Draws

If you have one simple table with draws, you can create many activities with your child. She can put her clothes, socks, scarf, hats, shoes etc. in them separately and can play with them at the same time. Similarly kids can enjoy putting their favorite stuff like dolls or cars in draws from time to time. You can join them by putting their toys in draws and can create a friendly and harmonious environment at the same time.

3. Books.

Books are very cheap in charity shops. Parents can buy lots of them, and both kids and parents can enjoy together while talking to each other and having fun with their kids. If you buy a magnetic book (or make it at home without magnetic part of it) it will pay you much more than its price in terms of attachment and satisfaction. Kids just love to put different stuff on pictures whether they stick or not.

4. Painting and Drawing

There are many kinds of paints and markers available in market nowadays, but if you buy a simple black slate or white board to draw with simple chalks or color markers, you can share lots of things together. For older kids, painting is very interesting activity, if one of their parents joins them in their refreshment and learning time.

5. PC or Laptop Fun

If you have a computer or laptop at home, your kids would like to see their favorite series/items (depends on their age level) on it too, and you both may enjoy while sitting together. If you have to do something very important, your child can watch her favorite item separately and you can also do your surfing separately in one window! Moreover, your kid can enjoy typing ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’, etc. if you buy a separate keyboard for her so that she could move her little fingers freely.

6. Food Fun

You can offer your kids lots of things that they can cut and make their favorite items like cars, dolls, animals etc. Such baking cutters are easily available in markets and are not very expensive too. Kids love to enjoy in meal times too so providing them this activity will also increase their appetite.

7. Cards

You may buy the memory cards from the market or can make them yourself free of cost. Kids usually love cards of different pictures, colors and figures. You may create many games with cards that all depend on the nature of cards and age of your child. In this way, you and your child may play together while having immense fun and learning.

8. Join Them

The last important thing is to join them whatever they are doing. For boys if they are playing with cars, try to fix their car problems, make new cars out of old ones, find new routes for them, change their shape if possible, etc. if you are with girl and she is playing with dolls, try to make doll stuff yourself. It shows all your affection and love that your child will never ignore. And you do not need any training for that, it is just a matter of willingness to join your kids whatever they are doing.

In short, parents can enjoy with their kids while doing lots of things together if they have time and energy at some point of the day. The important thing is that, toddlers need someone’s presence with them to have parallel play otherwise they will not be so much involved and enthusiastic in learning or playing. Parents need to watch them carefully how they like to play with and then they can add something from their side as a guide and teacher. Toddlers will not follow the instructions of parents rather they need to be listened patiently and tactfully for most of the time. The activity routine needs to be changed too. One activity every day will lose its effectiveness and you with your kid will not find it interesting anymore after a few days. So different activities on different days will enhance your Child’s IQ and will provide to both of you the best quality time ever.
Thanks

 

Indirect Effect Of Mothers Gestures On Their Children

Parents do have a strong effect on their children’s personalities. Usually their attitude towards their kids and towards others is very important. Most of parental concerns are about kids education, leisure, social life and behavior in general, in terms of how they are getting along with all of this stuff. They rarely think about their selves, their beliefs, their values, and their behavioral aspects that may cause their kids behaving in a certain manner. Especially mothers (because usually they are primary caretaker) conscious or unconscious attitude towards their kids and others, has a great effect on their kids’ personalities. Assume one child is behaving rudely with other kids and the mother of aggressive child is watching that while attending a call from a friend she loves to talk. There could be several expressions in this regard:

The mother continues with no expression
The mother yells at her child and says firmly,’No’.
The mother continues her talk and mentions about the kids in a plain tone.
The mother says to her friend that she could not control her son’s rude behavior with others.
The mother tells her friend that her aggressive son is sometimes too much hyperactive, just like his father- she smiles while saying that.
The mother continues the talk and change her place to avoid the situation.
The mother says the other children not to speak with the rude one anymore.
The mother ends the call and asks the children what happened and then tries to calm down the rude one through polite arguments.
The mother yells at all the children for disturbing her a lot.
The mother takes the rude one with her and isolates him for a while.
The mother gives the rude one a piece of chocolate so that he would behave better.
The mother tells the other kids to follow the rude behavior as it is a symbol of bravery and power.
The mother tells the other children to hide themselves unless the rude one calms down.
The mother tells the lady that she is going to kill the rude one, but in reality she is not doing anything.
The mother tells the lady that she is quite helpless in controlling the kids sometimes.
The mother warns the kid about the father’s arrival soon.
The mother tells the rude one that she is not going to favor him anymore.
The mother tells the rude one that she will call a police.

And there could be several other expressions to solve the situation ahead.
Thus, in most of the cases, parents’ own attitude is directly related to their kids emotions and behaviors. Especially the mother’s own personality and her attitude in many matters play a significant role in the cognitive and behavioral development of their kids.
Thanks

 

 

 

 

How Can We Save Our Children From Being Aggressive?   

Aggression in children is not very common in cold countries as compared to warm places. There are many factors that contribute to the child’s aggressive behavior: weather, noise pollution, family structure, food, and parents parenting style. The most important one is ‘parents’ parenting style’.
One should know what to do when his/her child is in an aggressive mood otherwise things will become more complex and alarming in the future. Here are some common mistakes that parents do and contribute a lot towards the aggression of their children deliberately or unconsciously:
Continue reading →

The Best Gift Parents Give To Their Children

Parents are responsible for their children’s well being overall. It includes healthy food, good education, a safe place to live, a sense of unconditional love, and a sense of greater self-esteem. Parents at their level best try to fulfill all. They not only give formal education to their offspring rather informal moral education go side-by-side. Vigilant parents provide their children not only a clean, safe place to live rather a sense of surety within. Empathetic parents understand the importance of unconditional love towards their children and at the same time impose some limits to stop their children from being aggressive, disobedient and rude. Parents are well informed about their children’s level of self-esteem in schools and their work together with teachers to improve it their better future and a successful life ahead.
Though the responsibilities of the parents never end, what they do not understand in this regard is their responsibility to give their children indirect education, love, safety and self-esteem that will create long lasting effects. How can parents fulfill such a need:
By loving each other in front of their children
By taking care of each other in front of their children
By respecting each other in their children’s presence
By tolerating each other in their child’s presence.
By showing empathy to each other when children are around
By behaving nicely when children are around
Thus, their children will imitate their role models and learn a lot. When parents do something else and say something else, children cannot follow any of these. They b

 

ecome confused and do what they like based on their own immature calculation. Not only this, we, as parents, need not to pretend that we are loving, nice or caring – we need to be real, honest and pure with ourselves to convey our messages to our children in reality.
Thanks