How can we discriminate between men and women on the basis of gender?

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Gender roles have been described as society’s shared beliefs that apply to individuals on the basis of their socially identified sex. Stereotypes can be conceptualized as the descriptive aspects of gender roles, as they depict the attributes that an individual ascribes to a group of people. Agency is often cited as the defining characteristic of the male stereotype, and communality as the defining characteristic of the female stereotype Whereas men are thought to be more agentic (i.e., independent, assertive, decisive), women are thought to be more communal (i.e., unselfish, friendly, concerned with others). Values (Halstead & Reiss, 2003) as, “ the principles and fundamental convictions which act as general guides to behavior, enduring beliefs about what is worthwhile; ideals for which one strives; broad standards by which particular beliefs and actions are judged to be good, right, desirable or worthy of respect”. Taken together the concepts of gender roles, stereotypes, and values, we can synthesise the concept of gender stereotypes, especially in Muslim, Latin American, and Black African societies, as being the product of religious and cultural patterns often are transferred from one generation to another through values and beliefs which underlie attitudes, behaviors, and norms

 

PAKISTAN was placed at 148thout of 149 countries in gender inequality index, as per the World Economic Forum report, 2018. Gender role discrimination is quite evident in the pictorial form of textbooks assigned to primary schools in Pakistan in which women are seen as helpers to men while doing various house hold chores, field works, or supporting their men while working at home (Agha, Syed, & Mirani, 2018). The main thing is that they are not doing something out of their will and desire rather give service to the men in their family. ALSO, a wide gap in general mobility between genders where women are half as mobile as men has been observed by the researchers (Adeel & Zhang, 2017). Additionally a severe gender disparity has been observed in children enrolment rates that are not significantly related to household income which implies that overall boys are preferred for higher education than girls irrespective of the economic status of parents (Quayes & Ramsey, 2015). In the same context, women are not generally encouraged to pursue a career, and their income related needs are hardly met by their own efforts ( Shah, & Baporikar, 2013).

 

Pakistan is a country where we celebrate sorrow feelings (like the custom of rukhsati in marriages), pains, and sufferings of the other vulnerable people. Pakistan is a country where we enjoy taking part in others helplessness, selflessness, and dependency. We provide opportunities to feel embarrassed (by teasing them physically in supermarkets), we provide sentiments to feel shame, to feel guilty and to feel harassed. Pakistan is a country where we love to kiss someone even at the cost of her dignity, willingness and approval. We are basically pathetic minded people and we don’t react upon others emotions appropriately- a kind of schizophrenic or in other words mentally sick people!

Usually, parents show the way to their kids and tell them, say

         Don’t don it, it is not appropriate to your sex

          Girls should stay at home

Boys should play with boys

Girls should know how to do house chores

Boys should look strong and resilient

Girls should help their mother in the kitchen

Boys don’t need to learn knitting or sewing

Boys don’t shout

Girls should behave nicely

Boys don’t play with dolls

Girls don’t play outside

Girls don’t complain

daughters are guest in their parental home

and much more alike

It is so simple! when something is not appropriate due to gender identity – it is not appropriate actually. Our way to analyse it should be appropriate. We should tell our kids a different reason to do something or not to do something. We should not focus on gender in any way.

When we see the broad picture, societal pressures, parental attitudes, religious themes, and overall cultural settings combine to depict the sorry picture of gender discrimination in the society of Pakistan. It is not one single person’s fault, or duty to bring a change. It is each one of us if we are live, and if we can think, we are liable for thinking so. We need to be punished for thinking so- when we go for it by choice!

I request the parents of our society to deal with your kids fairly and equally. You are not allowed to discriminate among them on the basis of their sex except choosing color blue for boys and pink for girls. You can still choose various outfits to identify your daughter and son distinctively; you can still choose a haircut for girls and another for boys; however you should not go beyond it. Gender discrimination is not harmful in any way– but according to UNO guidelines of human rights it will become harmful when it will limit them from gaining personal abilities, restrict them from pursuing professional careers, limits the access of equality education and health, prevents them from making choices about their lives, results in violation of human rights, restricts them from enjoying fundamental freedom of movement with peace and security, and when these discriminatory beliefs underlie sorrow and grief in day to day family life.

Freedom, independence, powerful acts of decision making, free mobility, and strong ego could also be the ornaments of the women, as well as men. Women can exert their true will and make choices based on their own desire rather than to the sake of the family, culture, honor or any other fake idea or belief. In other words, women can decide what they want to do in their life, till how long they want to stay with their parents, when they want to get married, to whom they want to get married, to whom they want to get married a second or third time. In total, they can decide about their life freely and without having any social pressure in an ideal situation.

Traditions and customs should not be practised on someone’s freedom and right to live fairly. When you say, someone, to be quiet on having pain, to be patient and do sacrifice, you are not follower/preserver of a tradition (nice women sacrifice for their family), you are not making her a true legend; rather you are a perpetrator and exercising a devil. In other words, you are making their life miserable and torturous- that is a crime in itself.  

For the women who usually feel guilty, and miserable, it is not easy to make them understand that they need to change their reaction from feeling guilty to feeling aggressive, annoyed on the apparent mis justification and mistreatment. Though it is unlikely that we change our mindset in an hour or so; however, we need to speak, think and reflect until neurons in our brains start working on such communicatory pathways and take information at the conscious level to act physically. This is the first step and it is the most crucial one in certain cultures like PAKISTAN.

Harmful gender stereotypes, rigid constructions of femininity and masculinity and stereotyped gender roles are a root cause of gender-based violence against women and put them at risk for various kinds of psychological and mental disorders like anxiety, depression, and stress. To eliminate gender-based violence against women, it would be crucial to transforming discriminatory gender norms and stereotypes into fair and equity-based traditions and norms that promote non-violent, respectful and equal gender relations between men, women.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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References

Rhoodie, Eschel, M. (1989). Discrimination against women a global survey of the economic, educational, social, and political status of women. North Carolina: McFarland & Company, Inc.

Mirza, I., & Jenkins, R. (2004). Risk factors, prevalence, and treatment of anxiety and depressive disorders in Pakistan: Systematic review. British Medical Journal, 328(7443), 794. https://www.bmj.com/content/328/7443/794.full

Khan, M. M., & Reza, H. (2010). Gender differences in nonfatal suicidal behavior in Pakistan: Significance of sociocultural factors. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, 28(1), 62–68. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1943-278X.1998.tb00626.x

Ali, N. S., Azam, I. S., Ali, B. S., Tabbusum, G., Moin, S. S. (2012). Frequency and associated factors for anxiety and depression in pregnant women: A hospital-based cross-sectional study. The Scientific World Journal, 2012. https://www.hindawi.com/journals/tswj/2012/653098/abs/

Khan K.S., Rafique G., Bawani S.A.A., Hasan F., Haroon A. (2015). Social and Societal Context of Women’s Mental Health, What Women Want, What They Get: Gap Analysis in Pakistan of Mental Health Services, Polices and Research. In: Khanlou N., Pilkington F. (eds) Women’s Mental Health. Advances in Mental Health and Addiction. Springer, Cham

Agha, N., Syed, G. K., Mirani, D.A. (2018). Women’s Studies International Forum. 66. Pp. 17-24. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.wsif.2017.11.009

Quayes, S., & Ramsey, R. D. (2015). Gender disparity in education enrolment in pakistan. Asian Economic and Financial Review, 5(3), 407-417. Retrieved from https://search.proquest.com/docview/1678797188?accountid=14116

Halstead, J Mark & Reiss, Michael J. (2003). Values in sex education. London and N.Y. : Routledge Falmer.

Shah, I. A., & Baporikar, N. (2013). Gender Discrimination: Who is Responsible? Evidence from Pakistan. Women’s Studies, 42(1), 78–95. https://doi.org/10.1080/00497878.2013.736284

Tazeen S. Ali, Gunilla Krantz, Raisa Gul, Nargis Asad, Eva Johansson & Ingrid Mogren (2011) Gender roles and their influence on life prospects for women in urban Karachi, Pak0istan: a qualitative study, Global Health Action, 4:1,DOI10.3402/gha.v4i0.7448

Pakistan second worst in gender equality: WEF. (2018, December 19). United News of India (UNI) [New Delhi, India]. Retrieved from http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A566261610/STND?u=ustrath&sid=STND&xid=e61f3084

Eagly,A.H.(2009). The his and hers of prosocial behavior: An examination of the social psychology of gender. American Psychologist, 64(8), 644-658. 

http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.64.8.644

Eagly, A. H., & Mladinic, A. (1989). Gender Stereotypes and Attitudes Toward Women and Men. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 15(4), 543–558. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167289154008

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Thoughts That Matter!

When you are going out for a walk or for any trivial thing, what is usually in your mind? Very simple, you think about things to do next or things going on in your life at that moment. Sometimes, some kind of information is so strong that you even cant focus on your present talk- this time the information hidden in your brain is stronger than all other confounding factors. Let’s say you have been told that you are going to be a millionaire- should you see the world around you in the same light or very differently. Definitely very differently. Your all vision to see the world including trees, flowers, grasses, landscapes, seaside, buildings, roads or even a look on your own close family members will be changed for that moment! And what next- you will smile and react on the information with great gestures. You might be very pleasing, happy and satisfied in the coming few days at least! You will be under the influence of this informational background until you get some other unconscious thoughts to interrupt this one. Then you will be again under the effect of that specific thought. And the circle of unconscious tutorship will never end until you die!

This is a very powerful technique if we utilize it in our learning paradigm. We must encourage our kids to learn more and more not because of the motivation of getting some rewards or not having punishment incentives rather because in the mind there is something powerful to guide them in the way they should. It could be a thought that you have to do it for the sake of your dignity, respect and honour; or it could be a thought that challenging kids are always winners or leaders, or it could be a belief that you have to prove that you can do it by tomorrow. It might not be suitable to the young pupil; however, it will be must strategy for the teenagers. For the young pupil, there should be something to achieve practically- other than an abstract concept. They should be given a title to prove themselves what they should look like. They would happily imitate that personality/model in real life. Moreover, it should be unique to maintain the integrity of the child. It should also be relevant to the child’s personality. It can be an odd idea or can be any complex concept that a child may grasp, accept and internalize. One would need to juggle around to find a strategy to deal with the child’s unconscious mind so that he could start living up to the high standards(usually set by parents or teachers). It looks very simple- but indeed it is not that easy!

How can we give feedback in the shape of unconscious​ background?​

 

We all know we have a conscious and unconscious mind and we all deal with our mind continuously all the time. It is very much clear that without mind, we cannot survive. The things we do with our choice, like or dislike are always considered part of our behaviour and the things that form our experiences, on the whole, become part of our memories. We live a life with motivations, aspirations, accomplishments, disappointments, worries, appreciations and total satisfaction/dissatisfaction overall. In our day to day life, sometimes we just don’t want to do something and we think our mood is off. We don’t feel thrilled to do something. Many times we don’t know the reason behind those low mood episodes and sometimes we exactly know what is the reason behind our depress mood. Our depress mood is the first sign of our depressive life in case it continues and we don’t do anything to stop its occurrences. So, suppose we don’t know the reason for our upset mood- in this case, we cannot do much help to uplift our spirit. Whereas, when we know what is the reason behind our low mood and our reason is someone else’s behaviour with us- then, in this case, we are again in the helpless situation. You got it, that in this case that significant other would need to resolve the issue. If I tell you I am angry with you and don’t tell you the reason for that – how will you react? If I tell you, that you are worst- what will be your reaction? On the other side, when I tell you that I love you, what will you feel like? On listening something positive your all day will be a great time of your life – and you will do many things with feeling love right inside your brain. So we can say that, sometimes, some people create our unconscious with their loving words, gestures, statements, language, behaviour or whatever the way they choose to say that they love you. And on the other side some people, all the time remind us that we are bad and thus ruin our lifetime

abuser

For the people who belong to the ‘difficult’ category, and who make other’s life miserable with no guilt, I have no advice. For the people who are in that abusive situation, and facing such people in their life on a daily basis, at first, stop being stupid by thinking that you are dealing with humans. Such people are unpredictable, miserable to deal with, and highly toxic. Believe me, they don’t need even your attention span for a second! However, if you have to deal with them, be careful and be aware of your safety exit roots!

The Person-Centered Background Effect

The person-centred approach is a widespread practice nowadays. It says that we should trust in our self-perception and we can determine our well-being through a proper understanding of our situation and needs. It means that there is no need to value unconscious motives and meanings derived from other sources by counsellors. Proposed by Roges (1959), it says that we are capable of organizing our beliefs, concepts, and self-perceptions. Our self-concept is central to our perceptions about others and the world. The self-concept might be different from the reality of what we are in reality. We might think that we are strong; however, in fact, we could be assessed as shy and feeble personality.
I am entirely in favour of such thoughts. We know what we are and we can very quickly be guided in that light. However, when we are in trouble, our unconscious mind dictates to us what we don’t want to listen in reality. Suppose you are going to save someone’s life and your belief tells you that it might put you in trouble. Or the reverse case, you want to do something refreshing and funny; however, your mind says you to do something generous and moral. What we do, choose, figure out, decide to do, or think about all depend upon our unconscious thought that is present in all times and that is subject to change. We do not pay attention to that thought and react as we think we are doing.
For example, we are going shopping with a great mindset. It is straightforward to guess; we will have excellent shopping experience following that. Another side, with sad and muggy mood, we will make many mistakes in shopping or will not enjoy that experience thoroughly.

Our most of the problems are based on our perception of the situation. We do not understand what is wrong with us. We blame others for our miseries and issues; however, it is not right for most of the time. When psychologist uncover our background information at that particular time ( the time of misery ), the real cause for our pain comes out of the shadow. We feel great relief at that moment. So the hidden unconscious information/perception of the situation is the most important thing to discover.
For example, a person is very much lonely due to his family members behaviour. He thinks he is being ignored and not given much importance. Here, the belief ‘the importance given by family ‘ is fundamental to be discovered. In other situations, other ideas might work as a background. Those beliefs play an essential role in our decision making, role-playing, acting and reacting and even thinking.
Thanks TH

life is all about doing little things!

 

bare feet boy child couch

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

 

I have seen people doing complicated things in life like pursuing education, choosing demanding professions, working hard to earn a living, spending time under challenging hobbies and trying their best to make their lives easier. Usually, people think they will become something big in life and will start enjoying life after that! They believe when their present projects will finish they will change their lifestyle and will choose to have fun on a daily basis. They keep on doing their odd stuff with the hope that one day they will leave their struggle towards a comfortable life and start living their life fully!

LIFE USUALLY ENDS IN DOING THE SAME THING EVERYDAY AND THE DAY COMES WHEN WE FORGET ABOUT OUR INITIAL PLANS ABOUT LIVING!

Do I question you whom you love most – your goal or your journey towards the goal? You will say your goal with no doubt; however, it should be your journey. Your goal will last only for a few days to celebrate and feel pride off; however, your ride will keep you involved for almost all of your life. So if you choose your goal, you will not be enjoying your journey, or you will not be living entirely for the rest of your life. If you select the drive, you will probably enjoy for most parts of your life and your goal as well.

The same ideology will apply to your little, trivial, minor things in life. Suppose you are planning to go for a movie night with your friends. You will have two choices- enjoy the time while watching a movie or experience with your friends even before the show-time. Choose the second option so that you could enjoy more! Buy some chips with great enthusiasm, enjoy shopping for food, have fun with travelling towards the cinema, and come back with great memories and happiness. It is not the movie that you are going to watch, essential to making you happy; you intend to watch it with your friends that is more important. Likewise, you can check your whole lifestyle and choose the traveling time towards your goals to enjoy more than your goals (only).

Little things that we ignore in today’s fast-paced world are essential to care for. You might say that you have no time for these stupid things- but actually, you have no guts to make you happy and alive. So please do stuff for you and your family – little and meaningless. You can choose from thousand small ideas and make your life easier and happier. From little things, I don’t mean to buy a flower for your wife or husband or buying a toy for your son or daughter. Instead from little things I intend to listen to each other carefully, to pay attention to your children with love and smile, to walk together to enjoy each others company, to have dinner together to chat about fun stuff or to sleep with peace and chill!

Life is all about simplicity, peace and fun. It has nothing to do with high aims, goals and objectives. Though you cannot ignore the ultimate aim of your existence; you should not ignore the price you are paying for it. If you are giving your whole life to bring about a change in your lifestyle, it is not worth doing it. Your efforts should make you happy and fulfilled at the same time your goals. Keeping both things in harmony would take you to the highest level of peace and ecstasy. This is how we become the real HUMAN. 

 

Change Your Religion!

god-or-karma-what-to-believe-in-1090x613

Are you feeling dejected, lonely, segregated, unfulfilled, depressed, overwhelm, stressed, anxious, low in energy, low in mood, low self-esteem,  and unhappy overall! Change your religion!

You are not on right track. Your belief system is not supporting you rather destroying your spirits a. nd energies. You need to change it. You need to check what are the thought patterns you are holding- positive or negative. You must change the following :

A . your God.

B. your holy book of beliefs

C. your love

  1. D. your Name
  2. E. your address
  3. F. your Death

 

Your God :

please check if you worship the right God. You might be worshipping some people and thinking they are your All. you need to see if you are pleasing your fellows just like you please your God. Your God should not be anybody around you. When we give human beings a status of God, they become our gods and realize us that we are wrong. So please change your God if you have anybody around you to please all the time!

Your holly book of beliefs:

Please check what are your beliefs in the first stage. There might be something that is stopping you from taking a step. Your beliefs must not be updated if you are feeling trouble in managing your day to day problems. Your thought patterns need to be edited from time to time. If you are having old thought systems, you cant survive in the new modern world of today.

Your love:

you need to accept that your ‘love’ is your ‘enemy’. You can be exploited by that. You can be challenged by that. You can be threatened and victimized on that. Pl don’t love something – don’t be mad for something. Love everybody and every little thing but not somebody or something.  The more specific you are in your love, the more danger you are inviting in your life.

Your Name:

This is very important as your name is your identity. Here I mean your best face to other people. Do you look like a creep, monster, gentleman, sincere type, obsessed, crazy, depressed, active, lazy, determined, or what? Change it if it is not working for you. Change your look first from outside and then you will see you are changing from inside too.

Your address: 

See, what you accept and what you reject in others. If someone wants to become your friend what are the attributes you are looking for in him/her? I think you need to change it if you are experiencing some relationship issues. Not all people are suitable to your kind but sometimes you have to change your criteria of goodness. Sometimes some obviously bad people help you in your struggle to find good people! Through interacting with people opposite to your personality might create some traits in you that you need or otherwise lacking in you.  Think it and do it!

Your Death:

you cannot change your death time and death destiny as well. But you can change your mindset for your upset mood and depressed brain. When you are in anger or in a depression, you are dead as you cannot move further. You cannot help yourself-you are dead! So pl don’t be dead on trivial matters of life. Raise your standard of being dead. Do not take care of others so much that they play with your emotions and make you dead often. If you want to die, die for a great cause so that you should be respected and honoured by the whole wide world.

Thanks

 

The toxic​ concept of ‘Rukhsati’ with worst implications

Suppose you give a toy to your child to play with and say that the toy does not belong to him, instead to someone else who is going to pick it up after a few hours. What do you think the child will do. Evidently, he will play with that toy but with what kind of feelings? Will he be overjoyed at finding/borrowing a toy? Will he want to take that toy with him forever? Will he be a little bit careful while playing with that toy as it does not wholly belong to him? Will he name that toy with love and passion? Will he be happy at returning that toy to someone after playing with it for a few hours? Will his feelings be the same as if this toy would be his own? Naturally, he would not love that toy as much as he would if that toy entirely belongs to him. He would be more than happy; if his mom says,” you can have this toy as long as you like, it is yours.” Now, in this scenario, the feelings of the boy would be entirely changed. He would like to play with the toy with great passion, no fear, total care, and commitment. He will have no fear of losing it after some time. He might name this toy and make it his best friend ever. There are lots of possibilities of the great relationship with that toy.

Now, suppose that toy is also a human being. In that case, that person would feel the same emotions. In case of leaving the person, playing with him, he will feel dejected, fearful, sad, stressed and anxious. He might develop some personality disorders while staying in an unpredictable, non-consistent and uncertain environment. On the other hand, upon finding a true guardian permanently, he would become overjoyed, content, peaceful, happy, satisfied and balanced overall. His personality would grow and shine in future while living in a settled, harmonious and non-contradictory household.

The above example is only to show you the difference in girls emotions when they live with their parents with the background of leaving them permanently after marriage or with the background of living with them permanently irrespective of marital status going on. Mostly girls, in developed countries of the world carry no burden of leaving their parents at any stage of life. They marry and decide where to live as per their own choice. They don’t have to leave their parents – not at all. So they are more confident, more energetic, more enthusiastic and more lively in almost all spheres of life. The parents, on the other hand, groom them with unconditioned love, great care and affection with no fear of losing them at any stage of life. The bond is everlasting.

In our societies, where girls are no more free to choose where they want to live; they are usually raised up in their parent’s homes, and then they are sent to their grooms home to live forever. In such cases, one is always shaky, fearful and reluctant before making any decision/ taking any step towards education, career, or relationships. People behave as if they are waiting for the disaster of leaving their girls on marriage day and girls act as if they are ready to sacrifice their whole lives for the sake of parents honor and dignity through leaving their home forever. Ironically it is normal to think like that. However, in traumatic situations, where parents have only one girl to look after them, or the girl could not find a groom to live with, things become more complicated, stressful and traumatized. Stupidity, negligence, and ignorance make their lives worse than ever. They don’t understand that laws or traditions are for the benefit of the humanity rather than being destructive and toxic in nature.