LIFE SAVING DRUGS – THREATS TO LIFE!

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I wonder why we struggle for something important to us. Though it is the pure way to express ourselves in the best possible manner; it is not always justifiable. Actually we are slaves of many things starting from our dreams, desires, aspirations, obligations, concepts and perceptions to our customs, culture and religion. We can tell a lie to our friends, parents, and relatives, but we know what is truth inside us. We know we are following a path of our own choice.

Unconsciously or consciously we are running towards our set goals. In this journey we never stop. Starting from our birthday, when we cry for our favourite toys, dolls, and cars until the day of death when we only yearn for a healthy body! At times we are hungry for food, and the other times we are happy for our newly bought luxury car. People forget about their dreams after they achieve them and start dreaming again! We are human, so we do the same.

The point is that why we do all of this stuff ? Do we really really need it? Can we live a happy life without something we desire very deeply in our heart? Should we strive for the success or for the peace hidden in that success? Are we not wasting our time by engaging ourselves in worldly affairs? Is there any power to save us from cruelties of life miraculously or we are just believing in supernatural powers to feel protected and secured?

Whatever is the case, we are not ready to leave our mind-set for any trivial reason. We want to experience the reality and check about the laws ourselves through our own experiments. We don’t like short cuts; rather we want to struggle hard to find the truth. We are like young kids who want to check if the fire burns or not. How can we behave wisely in our childhood?

You know what is the first thing in life- important to all of you whether you are young, adult or old? The very first and foremost thing in life is your own peace of mind and satisfaction over all. Until or unless you are not satisfied with whatever you do; you will not stop running around. At the same time if you are happy, satisfied and at peace; you are there already where each one of us want to reach. Now its up to you, how you get that eternal peace – through adopting the ways that most suit you or through following the paths of other successful humans.

The most important care in this self examination is that you should not keep negative goals with you in the first place. The negative goals are never meant to get the same positive results. So if you want to become rich and then happy; you are basically negative in your approach. You need to mend your thought and say that you want to become happy- might be through riches or other sources of nature. In this way, you are totally positive in your basic approach towards life.

Keep it up and be happy!

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Envy for being Your Daughter!

I love my daughters as much as I love my sons. I could never imagine anybody gives any harm to them in any form. I will always protect them. There is no excuse or reason why could not I listen to their heart and support them in life. My first priority is my kids and then others.
One of my daughters is married and living in her own home that she bought a few years back. She can come to see me anytime and the same is with me- I can go to her house anytime. My son-in-law often visits me and helps me in house chores just like he helps his mom in his parents home. We don’t mind visiting each other many times. We don’t follow any custom in this regard. Daughters and sons live their own independent life. They get married by their own choice and live in their own independent home. Though they can live with their parents; anyhow it is usually not very practical. It all depends on the circumstances where one chooses to live! Our sons are brought up just like girls. They don’t feel shy in doing house chores and helping their moms and dads. We don’t discriminate among kids based on gender. Girls can have as many friends as boys. Girls can move freely everywhere in the country. Girls are secure and happy. They know how to follow their dreams and parents never stop them rather help them in achieving those. We don’t spend lavishly in marriages. We, men and women, enjoy the freedom of choice, abundance, care, support, and dignity while living together. We even don’t discriminate between professions; for us, all professions are equally valuable. A sweeper is as respectable as the head teacher. I will not mind if my daughter ( a doctor) would choose a boy ( only high school pass) for her partner. We are quite open minded people. We don’t force anything on anybody. Everyone has his own weaknesses and strengths so we should tolerate each other differences. Yes, we don’t allow someone causing any kind of harm to anyone: psychological, emotional, physical, financial, social or sexual. We protect each person from being abused. We live happily with each other or don’t live with abusive partners. There is no need to be quiet and sacrifice. Our society is full of love, respect, harmony, dignity, freedom, happiness and growth. We celebrate our development together. We enjoy life fully!

These words are not mine. These words are words of almost every women in the UK. I met a new person each day and find that she is so much happy, secure, free and rich. We, living in Pakistan, couldn’t even imagine such a luxury in life. No drama, no trauma, and no abuse at all. If you find some news contradictory to what I said- they are not many. Most of the women are living a peaceful life from all backgrounds. So, should we ever give our traditions and customs the second thought to modify to the overall good!

Should money be the root cause of all​ happiness!

 

 

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I always cherished wealth as something beautiful, alluring and mind-blowing thing to feel proud of. I have never thought my life ahead without my pretty, ambitious desires, wishes, and aspirations. I thought it is the only form of happiness one could achieve by hard work and motivation. I thought I need to have a rich background if I want so and so….

Now I feel I was 100 percent wrong. People still would not feel like me – as it is very hard to realize what it is in the actual sense. Let me give you some examples:

A person dying from any trivial form of cancer would be ready to give his all belongings to you in return of his health!

A person who wants to become a parent would be much likely to spend all his wealth to fulfill his/her ultimate desire!

A person who is crazy for being socially acceptable and popular artist, would not care for his wealth in case he needs to spend it lavishly to achieve his goal!

A person who wants to settle down abroad might empty his all bank balance to create a life of his own choice!

Anyone who is crazy for someone or something could sacrifice much more wealth than he realizes for that very cause. Nothing wrong with it.

In short, we, basically, follow our desires, aspirations, and inspirations in life after fulfilling our basic needs of food, health, and shelter. And we are always ready to spend on such wishes, no matter how strange they are in the eyes of others. In other words, our wishes or needs (not basic) are our bosses who control us and make us think about them. We for most of the time are under such influence and for a very short time act wisely. It creates a vicious circle of desiring and fulfillment – after one wish always there is one more. Should it ever stop! Just like hope, such desires never stop, rather should not stop. The only thing we could do better is to control these loops through planning wisely. We can focus on our long-term goals and leave other distractions at all. After fulfilling our basic needs, we should not be controlled by others: marketers, business men, customer seekers, or any other entrepreneur. These people would never let us follow our real goals and distract us from achieving them by hard ways. Therefore, it is our duty to carry out all that is needed to follow our goals of life and spend money in the right direction, not anywhere else.

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Thus, money itself is not helpful in any way; rather it provides us ways to satisfy our needs – need to fulfil our hunger, need to have a shelter, need of dressing up, need of maintaining social status, need to learn, need to become a healthy person, need to explore the world in depth, need to get married, need to get trained and need to earn more and more. It implies that if you are a needy person- you would need money and at the same time you would not need money if you are satisfied with your life overall. If all said above is true, whom, you guess should be the wealthiest person of the world!

To Crazy, Hardworking, Housewives​!

TAKE A BREAK!

WHEN YOU HAVE LESS TIME TO ENJOY; YOU WILL ENJOY MORE!

Enjoyment is basically very relative term. Our brains are designed to enjoy when we have certain limitations. They might be limitations of time, energy, or space. For example, when we take a short break after a long hard work; we enjoy our little break more than the full day off. Similarly, we enjoy the ‘day-off’ more than the weak holidays. Here, I am focusing on the housewives who totally devote their time to house affairs and kids. Obviously, they find time to take rest occasionally but at the same time their job is never ending and seems to continue forever! People would never regard their work as a real work – rather they would think these women are either enjoying or wasting their time. So much so, these women don’t themselves recognize their efforts towards the humanity and universe overall. Many of these working women go into depression and become patients of anxiety and stress disorders. They find no outlet for themselves unless they seek for it with passion and motivation. Moreover, they are never appreciated on their traits by their close family members for being a hard worker at home, for being a sacrificing human at home, for being gentle and caring at home or for being restless at home!

If you think you are fit in these women’s general criteria and you are one of them then take a break. You don’t need to go ahead in your blind passion for house chores. There is no stop line and you will get nothing out of it. It is not an advertisement about money matters, financial freedom or requirement of the job by the job market. My concern is related to your mental health, self-esteem, and self-enhancement living within your limits and opportunities. If and for most of the time, you are free to choose your destiny; then throw yourself into the sea of unknown – outside. There are plenty of opportunities for you to choose from, to excel and to get adapted to. You should never ever choose to live under someone’s influence and control with no gain at all. This sounds crazy! Isn’t it! Yes, it is. Even if you feel tired and exhausted while doing two jobs at the same time, you are traveling towards your goals and not stagnant at one place!

In short, for the women of patriarchal cultures, women should take a break from the house chores and do something else to bring a change into their mental and physical lives. Otherwise, nobody will force them to do that. The culture, beliefs, and customs would keep them from real life situations and stop their energies to flourish. Such women should not rely on their fathers, husbands, brothers, and sons to take care of them in old age; rather they should take a step ahead to take care of themselves. And that is worth taking care! Such breaks would make them happy, calm and energetic than being lethargic, stuck and confused while doing lots.

THANKS 

………..if you love me!

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Every body in this world loves to his or her family in his or her unique way. This looks very ridiculous when one defines love as the definition of love is perceived very differently by each of us. After all we all are human. Our perceptions are unique and valuable. However, when it is the true love, it does not matter how you are going to display it.

For example, one could buy a new care for his beloved one, the other could buy a ring, and someone could just buy a flower to express his intimate love. Even one can express his love by different ways in one’s  life at different occasions. There is no ambiguity in this definition at all.

The second way of expressing love is through gestures, attitudes and behaviour. When one is caring, helping and behaving nicely to his beloved, it is the expression of love. There are ,no doubt, thousands of expressions to show love to your beloved ones. And many of us adopt a unique way to express their feelings of love to their beloved ones. We don’t find this information contradictory and confusing at all.

The third way is very strange and negative. Some people among us think they love someone when they :

Expect care from others,

Expect respect from others,

Force others to follow them,

Motivate others to imitate them,

Make others to obey them,

Help others to make them obliged,

Speak with them to give them company they need,

Even love them in charity,

Teach others the ways they like for them to adopt,

Try to influence others by their thoughts and beliefs,

Want to see others as per their own wish and desire,

And think they are superior to all whom they love the most.

In short they  think they love their fellows, that is why they are supposed to guide them in the way they think is better for them. They never leave their beloved ones free to choose; rather they limit their options by hook or crook . They never care for others aspirations, dreams or skills; rather they expect total surrender to their wishes from them. These people think they are in love with their beloved ones and this is the true expression of their love for them. So much so, some of them cross the road of humanity and dignity in their perception of love and become perpetrators of sexual, emotional and psychological abuse. There is no excuse for them, as they don’t know the definition of love. This is absolutely a crime, an abuse and a selfish human act that should never be ignored. Please perceive the love of your beloved ones in these lines; otherwise the next victim of abuse could be you!

Abusive cultural belief systems promote anxiety, depression, stress and suicidal tendencies

Our brains are full of thoughts, perceptions and memories. They often contradict with each other at various levels and try to win. Sometimes we are convinced and settled down, while other times, we just can’t make them organised and get stressed. Some times arguments win our hearts; while other times we lose! If I say that it’s all game of logical reasoning and clarifying ideas then nothing wrong in it. The ideas we like, we adore, we publish and act upon spontaneously. The ideas we don’t like, we don’t get; we don’t bother and  behave like that. Here I am talking about beliefs we really do not like, but destined to follow them due to cultural constraints and environmental limitations. Not only this, those beliefs are putting peoples’ lives at risk for depression, anxiety and stress disorders especially women’s lives are at risk for PTSD and many other traumas related to abusive conditions. 

In a terrible, abusive and negative environment, out thoughts, ideas and feelings are just not intact. We think very differently from the people around us. We live a life not according to our own standards; rather as per others values and beliefs. We call our weaknesses, our limitations and never dare to say ‘NO’. We confront to our own selves and convince ourselves that others are right whereas it’s not always true. Especially in an abusive culture, one feels quite helpless in proving his/her argument, no matter how right his/her point is. As usually all others around speak against you and try to make you to follow the traditions and customs(abusive in nature) blindly and quietly. 

There are many examples to quote. Like in some cultures women are not given their basic rights. They are supposed to perform /carry out many troublesome and annoying/odd/weird traditions in the name of religion and culture. And many times, they feel pressurised to do that in all circumstances. Such traditions go against women’s basic human rights; however no one questions it. For example, in some cultures,  many things women are not supposed to do like men due to their feminine nature; however women should be allowed to live a happy free life-like men. Women are not encouraged to live an independent life like men in some societies which is also an example of an abusive culture. Women are not encouraged to move alone and seek for their job;  also a sign of abusive environment.  Women are being married due to family pressures or girls are not given the same status at home like sons; and girls are supposed to do minor things and are not considered important in decision-making for family matters. All of these are examples of abusive and negative society where one could not do certain things ( otherwise positive and important) due to unhealthy and toxic belief systems inculcated in the social norms. how-you-beliefs-are-preventing-you-from-getting-through-4734_203x200

Rukhsati (part 2): a source of emotional and psychological abuse!

Rukhsai is a concept which means a girl is not supposed to live with her parents after marriage and should live with her husband and his family forever. This or the similar meanings exist almost in every home of Pakistan and India. When a girl is born, she is usually blessed with some statements like,” God bless her with great luck and destiny” which means that god give her a good husband and in-laws in future (otherwise her luck is bad luck and there is no future for her anymore). People focus upon girls husband more than the girl itself. Education of the husband is more important than the education of the daughter; job of the husband is more important; home of the husband is more important and family of the husband is more important than family of the girl (where the girl was born). When our daughters listen to such mixed messages, they start dreaming of their future in terms of their hubby and in-laws (in some cases). They do not dream about their own future in terms of their education, profession or own home. They deny owning/upgrading their parents home as it is like a guest house where they are living for a short period. They even have little right in making decisions about their own life and future as it is the property of their future husband! In many cases girls are forced to marry as it is good for their brothers coming marriages.  

What about a girl who wants to feel like a boy in her home ? She regrets why she is born in a female body. She simply does not like the idea of leaving home or leaving home for hubby.In this case, there is no solution. She has no choice – either go for a marriage or face the curses of family members! She will never be appreciated or encouraged by doing so, rather people will blame her for increasing problems for her parents. 

Given the fact that a girl is very much protected by this way; it is a continuous pain in some of the little hearts ( aged 0 to 16). Toddler girls are unable to understand the hidden message and take it the other way round. They feel they are less loved, less welcome, and less motivated in return. They start feeling that they are not like boys or boys have many privileges in society  that they lack. They appreciate their parents for being there for them always in spite of the fact they are not staying with them forever. They feel reluctant to choose difficult professions, difficult subjects, or difficult lines in life as it will increase burden on their parents shoulder. They feel they are unable to return their parents’ blessings in shape of living together, helping them and supporting them. They feel home sickness in the very young age; lack of security; fear of unknown; and absence of parents even in the company of parents. This is the biggest reason for being inactive, aggressive (in some cases), shy, moody, agitated, depress, anxious, worried, and self-centred or non-social. These problems would lead to further cognitive and  personality disorders.

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There are countless reasons for not giving such concepts to a female child. A child, boy or girl has equal rights upon parents even in case of conceptual background. Female child should not be discriminated against male child on the ground of living together with parents. Female child needs unconditional love as much as male child; female child should feel secure and completely loved like male child in every situation of life; female child should not be treated as she is lacking something as compared to male child in terms of rights and responsibilities; and most of all female child should be given the same space in the home as the male child throughout their life span! 

Note:

This article is written while keeping in view the Pakistani culture and customs.