In how many ways you can Hurt others?

For the people who just don’t know how to behave badly; for the people who cannot think of taking revenge from their enemies; for the people who are not so much daring to declare their attitude in front of others; for the people who are not capable of saving their selves from their fellows; and for the people who want to give lessons to their rivals but just cannot!

It is hard for good people to become bad; it is also hard for them to behave rudely with anyone (friend or enemy). Such personalities just do not know how to do that wrong thing. They are not capable of doing bad or wrong things. They feel hurt inside and take revenge from their enemies in dreams. They are not brave enough or they are too shy to show their attitude. But they are disturbed inside and that disturbance becomes their constant stress.

So if you are one of those people; pl note the following things and try one of them to see the results. Hope you will get some relief out of even reading such tips:

  1. Do not make eye contact with your enemy; it will hurt them severely.
  2. Never start the conversation from your side. Wait until they start speaking. Wait and wait. It will hurt them a lot.
  3. Keep/look yourself busy; especially when you are sitting with your enemies. You can use mobile net or tablet for keeping yourself busy.
  4. Keep your appearance a tidy one. Your grace will kill them!
  5. Keep smiling and think about your friends when you are in your rival’s company. You can talk with your friends on phone at that particular moment to get some confidence.
  6. If you are a mother or father of a child; then engage with your child actively at the time your enemy is around.
  7. Simply leave the place for any good excuse and get rid of the situation you do not like at all.
  8. It is usually better not to invite them in your house or not to go to their home as well. Instead arrange a party in some other place to meat each other ( if it is very necessary).
  9. They are like barking dogs; you cannot stop them but can avoid them by silently passing by them.
  10. Such relationships are like wealth found in the commode that you neither can pick up nor can ignore. You have to look at and leave it there as it is! You do not even need to bother about them! Or they are like shit (in the form of persons) found in your toilet that need to be flushed (from your memory). In any case you have to deal with it – there is no other way out.

The severe mistakes you need to avoid in such cases are:

  1. You being their friends, try to pretend good
  2. When you over react and smile and maintain eye contact!
  3. When you invite them to your home or go to visit them for humanity sake!
  4. When you expect them to be as good as you!
  5. When you hope they will change and become nice to you!
  6. When you spend time, money and energy on them!
  7. When you become overly nice in front of them!
  8. When you start doing things for them!
  9. When you ignore their mistakes and think they will never happen again!

So please avoid the mistakes mentioned above- usually people do in maintaining close relationships. Decide once what you want to do and then act wisely. It is better to perceive the situation earlier than keeping regret for the whole life! Exceptions are always there so be wise and vigilant for the actions you are supposed to take in any particularly worse situation!

The Approach: Half Glass Full

Today I was thinking about one situation and many observations at the same time.

Have you ever considered that the situation you are in, seems a heaven to others belong to you. Or the opposite: you dream a life that others are living with a heavy heart. This is because we are looking at us with the negative mindset and others with a prejudice mind. The people we wish to be alike must have their own dreams, aspirations, hopes, desires, and wishes to come true. This is an example of contradictory angles of thinking about others and our lives!

Although it seems very simple to become positive, realistic and as much natural as possible, but it is not that simple to apply in our real life with faith and honesty. Let’s take an example in this regard:

Mother is teaching her child and the child is no more interested in reading or writing (reason whatsoever). Mother is insisting on her to be serious in the study. The child is annoyed and messy and rude to some extent. In the mean time, she attends a call and on the inquiry, replies that:

My child is being stubborn and is not behaving any more………..

My child is making me angry and not doing the homework properly…

My child is creating fuss between me and her…..

My child is just like her father – the same rigidity in behavior

My child is very intelligent; never concentrates on one thing at a time….

My child is really hyper and behaves like an adult……… wow

My child is playing with me……………

My child is too naughty and rigid …

My child becomes bore at home,,,,,,,

My child is missing her father, that’s why doing silly things….

My child is feeling lonely, so could not study with motivation….

My child is just like me, never takes the study seriously,,,,,

My child behaves like a scientist who never liked doing homework at home….

My child is just a pain in my ass………………..

You can see different women express the same childish behavior differently, in a different mood, with different strength, and with different intentions. In fact, our mood depends on things like:

Where we are living and what our immediate environment is

Whom we are talking with.

What we want to share at that particular time…

What we want for our children in the future….

How we protect our children…

How we spoil our children…..

How much stressful we are…..

How much in peace, we are….

What is our education level…..

What is our educational background…..

There could be any reason behind our mood; yet it heavily targets our children. In the above situation, the reply that reflects that you are trying to teach your child and she is not in the mood yet would be sufficient. The child should understand that she needs to behave properly to learn. If you are tired of the efforts being made for your child, take a break! Do not overemphasize the situation to make you vulnerable to stress, anxiety and depression in the end!

The same is true with other relationships: husband and wife, between siblings, among relatives, between friends, between boss and employee, and between God and us. In each situation, we need to learn how can we describe the situation positively and meaningfully instead of making it a deal for others. We can approach any event of our life with a big smile and great attitude; otherwise our negativity and ignorance would make our life miserable and vulnerable.

Thanks

Love your health – By Pass The Stress!

We are dealing with a great number of diseases directly or indirectly while living and sharing in the same environment in today’s modern era. In each part of our world, people are becoming victim of diseases and ailments consciously or unconsciously. Some are scary one like cancer and some are general like cold and flue. In the same way, we deal with lots of psychological ups and downs. But unfortunately very few among us recognize it and are fully willing to deal with them wisely. We are, for one excuse or another, not comfortable in expressing our true feelings to others especially the psychiatrists. If I say that psychological hurt starts first in many long lasting diseases than physical ones – I might not be totally wrong.

To forgive someone is very common good nature explained in almost every moral literature of the world. However, many among us, do not fully apply it in their lives. They feel hurt, feel depression, anxiety, and remain in the state of anger for years. Among them, many catch diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, gas problem or a constant headache. They simply do not understand what happened is solely their fault. As they never let the people hurt go!

When you are in stress, you carry a lot of weight on your body. Your body is not programmed to handle that much stress for such a long time. You think you are right in, feeling depressed, hopeless and sick being a true person. You might think you have no choice! The fact is, your sensitive heart or brain is no more ready to deal with your negative emotions and keep on transferring its burden to your body parts. That is why your head, back, knees, stomach, eyes, ears, blood pressure, and breath are being seriously affected. Nevertheless, you realize this fact until you get something in the form of a disease-chronic or acute. Ironically, it is not your luck rather you have purposefully established it!

So if you are facing some problem in life, become emotionally upset, living depression, and facing anxiety symptoms- with all your powers face your problems with a big hug and smile. Believe me, your health and happiness, is more important to your living and survival than any other thing in this world. On the other hand your stress is not going to make you stress-free!

Sometimes we do not learn things ahead. If this is the case with you, then go on with your stresses and keep your bad memories alive. Argue against the reality you are facing or destined to face. Being angry all the time will ask you a great price of health and at that time you will have no choice! Good Luck!

ABUSE IN DISGUISE

According to wikipedia, “Psychological abuse, also referred to as emotional abuse or mentalabuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder” and Any act, including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth (for more info see http://www.vchreact.ca/read_psychological.htm)

Emotional and Psychological abuse includes:

  •      Telling someone they are worthless,
  • Telling them no one else wants them,
  • Forcing someone to do things at an exact time or in an exact way,
  • Undermining a persons actions, thought and beliefs,
  • Telling someone they are weak and could not manage to look after themselves on their own,
  • Making someone believe they are mad,
  • Telling someone that the domestic violence and abuse is their fault.
  • Not allowing someone to have visitors,
  • Controlling who a person is friends with,
  • Not allowing them to go out,
  • Not allowing someone to see their family and friends,
  • Not allowing someone to be left alone with other people,
  • Not allowing someone to use the phone, send letters or emails.
  • Locking someone in a room or house,
  • Not allowing someone to go out to work, not allowing someone to go to college or evening classes,
  • Accompanying someone everywhere that they go in order to keep control over what they do, who they see and what they say.
  • Telling someone they are a bad parent,
  • Getting children to say and do things to upset someone,
  • Encouraging children to get involved in the abuse.
  • Abusing someone’s children or pets,
  • Damaging possessions,
  • Accusing someone of lying when they are not,
  • Telling someone they are fat, ugly and useless,
  • Making someone believe that no one else likes them.
  • Threatening to harm someone, or to harm their children or pets.
  • Threatening to have someone locked up saying that they are mad,
  • Threatening to have someone deported or withholding care if someone is aged, ill or disabled,
  • Telling someone they will find and kill them if they leave,
  • Threatening to abuse someone in front of their children, family or friends.

Emotional abuse is often difficult to recognise. It can be very subtle, often being overlooked by a person’s friends and family. The person affected may not even think or feel that abuse is taking place.

Emotional abuse can affect women and children experiencing it in many ways. It can leave deep psychological scars and can seriously damage the self-confidence of the person experiencing the abuse. For more information see:

http://www.welshwomensaid.org.uk

In most of the cultures of this world, abuse is simply not even recognized as abuse, rather considered a moral and spiritual duty of the women towards their husbands. Usually husbands and in-laws use all kinds of abuses towards their daughter-in-laws. In most of the emotional and psychological abuses, women are exposed to, women are simply not aware of the fact that they are being abused on daily basis. one can easily recognize the forms of subtle and traumatic abuses from such examples:

  1. women are restricted towards visitors, visiting family and friends, and going out in general.
  1. women are required to perform a set of duties at a particular time, in a specific way, and according to someone’s special needs whether they like it or not.
  1. women are under estimated in their capability to earn, to stay alone, and to manage the finances alone. In all important matters of life, they are not listened even!
  1. women are expected  to follow the customs and rituals of society blindly, irrespective of the fact that many of them create severe depression, anxiety and stress in turn. For example: traditions designed to feel women less empowered like rukhsati, karo kari, and others.
  1. women are also expected to live according to their husbands sweet wishes. It would include any thing from having more than 12 children in less than 12 years, to being childless in 20 years of married life! It includes everything from having full cocktail hijab to bikini style beach dress! All depend upon a man- the husband.
  1. women are taken as sex objects in some of the culures – so they are no more free to move freely.
  1. Women are never given identity of their own name: at first they are identified with the name of their father and then after marriage they are recognized on behalf of their husbands good names!

In most of the areas of Pakistan, women are treated as if they are not human at all. Their identity, respect and worth are of no value when they are being brought up. So much so, they are not well protected, fed, and secured in their own parents’ kingdom. As a result, they become victims of trauma, anxiety, depression, stress, and many other psychological and emotional disorders. Well, they are not aware of this fact that they are being abused and it is a crime in the dictionary of Law. It is a blessing in disguise as if they knew it, their stress would be doubled!

The Best Medicine For Stressed Parents  

 

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In todays modern lifestyle, everyone is stressed up, tired and bore,  especially the parents. In most of the parts of the world, parents are usually engaged in earnings and greatly tired when back home. Even if one of the parents is not working hand, he or she must be doing house chores and at the end of the day would feel strained, pains, and aches with dull and strange mood. Each one of us is suffering from some kind of anxieties so they will further boost the stress and play their role in feeling less energetic and rude to some extent. Usually parents are irritating and annoyed on trivial matters of children. They feel like to take a long, deep sleep when their children want their time!

Not all of you have the same situation so I will focus on the group who is especially stressful and full of anxiety and depression at the moment. However, it is becoming very common routine of parents nowadays to become more critical and less sharing with their kids. My observation is not different in this regard. I have seen many who just want to get rid of their day to day routine and want an escape. They are simply not ready to accept the reality of their situation that they are Parents now and no more kids!

What parents do when they feel low? Usually they take medicines, go for the therapies, and try several tips to return to their old track. They go for swimming, for example, go for a walk, go to the gym, go to yoga, listen soft and soothing music, change their eating habits, and do whatever their source suggests them to do to live a stress free life. The point is that all of such tactics are not wrong if they do not  forget one thing all together.

They forget that nature can never ever do something wrong with them. They, being a parent, are not blessed with only duties, responsibilities and anxieties. Nature’s blessings are  equal to everyone. It makes no sense that what a wealthy man can afford to relax, a poor cannot. This is especially not true with the parental stress. Nature cannot be biased in bestowing her blessings to its creation. There must be something wrong with us. We must have forgotten something very important and unique; so we are suffering.

That, something very important is, that the best medicine is the sharing your love with someone: your parents, siblings, your children or your friends. When you love someone, you are in cool mood, stress free and fresh. When you become parents you become more responsible and mature. This does not mean you cannot play with your kids. You need to understand that playing with your kids is not only your kids wish and need; it is basically your physical and innate need. Moreover, playing with your kid will reduce your stress hormones, give you more happiness, increase your oxygen level, boost your energy, improve your vision and memory and leave you with a refreshed and sexy human being. If you are suffering from high blood pressure, diabetes and any kind of psychological disorder, your time spent with your kids will help you to recover fast.

Here, it is important to note that playing with your kids should not be taken as going with your kids to the playground or playing areas. You should spare some time to play with your children every day in which you play a role just like your kid. You may pretend that, but it is the most important part of the game. Even if your kids play with their siblings, cousins, or friends, your role will never be compensated. Thus to become a loving and caring parent, you need to engage yourself with your kids as much as possible. It will not only help your kids to become a good human being rather get you away from present or upcoming diseases, sufferings, anxieties, and stresses.

If you have another point to raise in this regard, please do not mind commenting on it. I would love to reply you in my humble capacity.

Thanks

Fashion Culture In Pakistan

Fashion is not bad rather a need in today’s modern lifestyle. It is not limited to only dress out-fits rather covers all aspects of life from home-décor, gardening, cultural things, vehicles, traditions, parties, vacations, hobbies, professions, to beliefs,values, thoughts, priorities and identities. In almost every culture of the world, we can see it flourishing to some extent whether it is related to new trends in dresses, haircuts or tends in buying luxury cars, villas, or resorts. Unfortunately, in Pakistan, it has become a need!

Now the question is:Is fashion a need, a source of self-esteem, a status symbol, a sense of well-being or a source of low self-esteem, an unfailing desire, a cause of poverty, a feeling of lack? What is fashion in a country where more than 80 percent of the population cannot afford food, electricity, shelter, clothing, peace, education, and health?

Our country has not been developing for many years. We are facing many challenges: Taliban crisis, security crisis, poverty crisis and safety crisis. We have unemployment, crowded roads, filthy water, and no gas at all in many parts of the Pakistan. Still, we need fashion for our survival!
Recently, I have seen many places in our country and met many people in general from bottom line to the cream.People, especially, women are spending their most of the time in planning to wear fashionable outfits, striving to look like models in the fashion industry; they are interested in changing hair color; they care for their interior décor; they care for their bags and nails! Usually fashion takes priority when it comes to spend something after buy essential food items.

Fashion is not bad if you want to do it for some purpose. But if you have no healthy food at home, you have no money left for your health needs, for your educational needs, for your shelter needs, you are making a big mistake by adopting a fashionable lifestyle and promoting it at the same time.
Being a nation, as a whole, we need to think about it. We are not having enough resources to fulfill our basic needs (food, shelter, safety), and until our level best, are striving for looking good in the eyes of others.

Here are some guidelines to improve the economy of our country through a change in the attitudes of people:

1. Usually people serve their guests with as many dishes as possible. One must not serve more than one dish to the guests, whether they belong to close family, high status family or distant family.

2. In Pakistan, people simply do not like to re-wear the same item in the family function due to social and cultural pressures and honor’s sake. One should wear the same out-fit repeatedly to attend parties, functions, marriages, etc. Until it is worn out.

3. One should not spend a lot in using electrical equipments like A.C., Generators, or U.P.S., as none of these will be helping our country to get rid of electricity crisis.

4. One should not use any penny on anything non-essential whether it is an upgraded mobile phone or it is a new pair of shoes with jewels embedded on it.

5. Why wear a lot? It neither is in the favor of the economy nor is perfect according to religion. As per our religion, one must not exceed limits in any matter of life, whether it is a matter of money or matter of clothing. One should only spend on clothes according to his/her budget and specific need in the most respectful way- nothing more.

6. Every woman needs to work whether at home or out of home, whether paid or unpaid, whether for the sake of family or to the sake of self. No one should remain unemployed unless otherwise stated (due to some specific health reasons).

7. Luxury in food must be controlled whether it is related to domestic cooking or food marketing. In domestic cooking, simple and easy food should be encouraged, promoted and liked in general. Food marketing strategies must be refreshed and regularized such as advertisements of unhealthy products, offers of unhealthy food in restaurants, and promotions to invite people in some status symbol restaurants.

8. The security of one person should not be considered as the individual’s only responsibility. One must complain for other’s mistakes to the relevant authority for the matters like offending someone, harassing someone, looting, cheating or stealing etc.Similarly, one must notice dirty and filthy places and complaint about it to the concerned authority.

In the country where the laws and the structure of the economy is deteriorating day by day, people are usually encouraged to change their lifestyle from fashion to simplicity, from status to necessity, and from luxury to needs oriented attitude.Until the time, law-enforcing agencies take action and notice, people must do something to resolve their problems themselves. After all, we are suffering from the poor economy and its consequences for long. We should not be allowed to wait and see anymore!

Lastly, your opinion on the said topic would be much appreciated. Thanks