Love your health – By Pass The Stress!

We are dealing with a great number of diseases directly or indirectly while living and sharing in the same environment in today’s modern era. In each part of our world, people are becoming victim of diseases and ailments consciously or unconsciously. Some are scary one like cancer and some are general like cold and flue. In the same way, we deal with lots of psychological ups and downs. But unfortunately very few among us recognize it and are fully willing to deal with them wisely. We are, for one excuse or another, not comfortable in expressing our true feelings to others especially the psychiatrists. If I say that psychological hurt starts first in many long lasting diseases than physical ones – I might not be totally wrong.

To forgive someone is very common good nature explained in almost every moral literature of the world. However, many among us, do not fully apply it in their lives. They feel hurt, feel depression, anxiety, and remain in the state of anger for years. Among them, many catch diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, gas problem or a constant headache. They simply do not understand what happened is solely their fault. As they never let the people hurt go!

When you are in stress, you carry a lot of weight on your body. Your body is not programmed to handle that much stress for such a long time. You think you are right in, feeling depressed, hopeless and sick being a true person. You might think you have no choice! The fact is, your sensitive heart or brain is no more ready to deal with your negative emotions and keep on transferring its burden to your body parts. That is why your head, back, knees, stomach, eyes, ears, blood pressure, and breath are being seriously affected. Nevertheless, you realize this fact until you get something in the form of a disease-chronic or acute. Ironically, it is not your luck rather you have purposefully established it!

So if you are facing some problem in life, become emotionally upset, living depression, and facing anxiety symptoms- with all your powers face your problems with a big hug and smile. Believe me, your health and happiness, is more important to your living and survival than any other thing in this world. On the other hand your stress is not going to make you stress-free!

Sometimes we do not learn things ahead. If this is the case with you, then go on with your stresses and keep your bad memories alive. Argue against the reality you are facing or destined to face. Being angry all the time will ask you a great price of health and at that time you will have no choice! Good Luck!

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What We Perceive In Happy Mood?

We all have different kinds of aspirations, perceptions and beliefs. There are many theories about how we form them, modify and re-establish them for our purposes. Among several theories one is that we make them instantly, indirectly, and unconsciously while experiencing a unique situation or event.  This kind of concept usually becomes the base for other future concepts that would be added into it step by step from time to time. Now consider the following concrete examples for clarity purposes:

  1.   Suppose you are happy and in uplifted mood. On the way back to your home, you see a grand parent coming across your way. You smile for a while and he replies with warmth and a nice gesture. You are again on your way to home.
  2. Suppose you are happy and in great unusual spirit due to some reason. Meanwhile, your friends invite you to join to watch a movie in cinema. You go with them and watch the movie (otherwise a boring stuff for you). You come back with the same mood indeed.
  3. Suppose you are incredibly happy and in a pleasant mood. You go for a walk and do little shopping. You enter a shop and the sales person smiles at you with warmth and welcoming gestures. You roam about and come back.

In the first example, the person who came across an old man in the happiest mood ever, would never be able to forget that man in his life. Whenever he would meet someone resembling like him, he would feel a strange kind feelings and love for him. He might have forgotten the reason for that!

In the second example, the person who watched a boring movie in a real great mood, would never be able to forget that movie.  He is more likely to remember all details with good impressions than criticizing and forgetting. Those impressions are now part of that person and he is less likely to believe in the real cause of liking that movie!

In the third example, the person who meets another person while feeling great pleasant emotions would never be able to dislike that specific person. Rather he would go to that shop repeatedly unconsciously. He would love the sales persons of that shop and environment of that shop overall while ignoring the real cause of his liking.

In all of the above examples, things that convey no meanings in it self become specific and significant due to our unconscious emotional life pace. We are likely to behave better in a better mood, and we usually receive all good in return that become part of our personality eventually. So the circle of happy feelings continue to flourish and grow.

With our happy moods, negative experiences are also likely to depress and dim in degree. We usually do not pay much attention to negative people, negative circumstances or negative environment in our happiest ever moments. In rare times, negative events spoil all our happy taste, but that means that negative event has much more potential to destroy our mood than happy ones.

Mind Your Beliefs

Tensions and worries are of dissimilar varieties. Some are based on relationships, some are financial and others are conceptual. We live in a variety of cultures, thus experiences are too complex and ambiguous at a large level. Notwithstanding, our many of the troubles could be solved through a simple cognitive therapy or a therapy of belief change. When you meet with any such thing; believe me, it could be solved with a thrust button. Let me give you some more examples:

 People call me……………… and I simply do not like this word.

  1. I like to have some………..Instead of doing something about this………………..
  2. This confinement is too much, I am not ready to have it………
  3. Why he said this word…………… to me
  4. I do not like my subject……………. And prefer……………
  5. I behave not wish this color………… would like to exchange it for this color…………
  6. I suppose I should not do this in…………. Way
  7. I do not like this chore………..I would do instead…………. Chore

Belief can be replaced by another belief-similar in nature, with similar argument and convincing thought. When your anxiety provoking belief is creating a substantial injury in your emotional life; you need to replace it. This is a little tricky process, merely after holding it fixed you will be out of trouble forever.

When you suppose you prefer this to that and what you prefer is not within your reach, you necessitate to alter your mindset or feeling. As there is no other way left to deal with such a problem. Normally you are not ready to leave your principle, belief, concept or prospect; as that is your identity, passion and ego. Realistically, you have to deal with it: either work to attain what you want or leave it forever with a convincing idea. For the second strategy, you demand to convince yourself that your opinion is wrong indeed.

To convince yourself that your opinion is faulty or ineffective; you have to struggle with finding another comparative belief with the power to supersede the senior one. It should be more convincing in terms of impact and more overpowering in terms of settling in the brain. Allow me to present you some lessons of genuine change:

When my son is crazy for one specific toy, I try to shift his attention by replacing the belief with some other similar but cheap options. If he is asking for a car (expensive one); I will show him another car (not expensive) but with some distinguish feature. I will not show him the cat, hen, or plane to change his concept.

You do not like something for some special reason in your mind; that specific thing can also be adored for some exceptional reason (you do not know by chance). Try to find that special thing that could convince you to change your mindset. When you do not like someone for some reason; you could like him/her too for another reason (if you try to find that).

To conclude, we need to convince ourselves positively that we are blessed in the best possible way. We can see many reasons for being happy and satisfied instead of feeling regret or resented. The things we do not like, can become our passion and people we do not want to face, can become our best allies. Though it requires a hard work from our side from going through a long and persistent process of seeking, researching and establishing new relevant concepts, to replacing them with the previous ones instantly.  Have you ever tried that? No, do it with me any time.

When  A Long Abusive Relationship Starts Flourishing!

Calamities are of different kinds: bad health, bad relationship, bad weather, bad results, bad luck and many more. We are always prone to divert our attention to them more than our fortunes: good health, good relationship, good weather, good results, good luck and many other goods. This is our nature. Being a human, we should save ourselves first from bad episodes of life, then should think about our good things. Safety always comes first . So do not worry about it.

When it comes to dealing with bad episodes, we need to think more. It is not always a quick fix when it comes to relationship puzzles. We for most of the time, cannot understand the other person from his/her behavior/gesture or attitude visible to naked eyes. We become such a fool that we even could not recognize our fault of misperception for years.

The question is why? Why the time comes when you start feeling regret? Why you waste your time in assessing your partner’s gestures and could not reach a better conclusion soon? Why you permit yourself to be indulged into a fake and critical relationship? Why you close your eyes? Why not, you take a step immediately, right after smelling something wrong?

In the third world countries, we know the answer. We respect our traditions more than our lives. We try to keep our customs alive than keeping our relationship healthy. We are bound to follow a path we are destined for. We, especially the women, are not economically independent and are not safe at all so we have no other choice except to accept all whether it is wrong or right. Women crush their wills, desires, wishes, wants, needs and spend a life that was designed for them either by their fathers, brothers or so called husbands. They do not play dead rather they are dead!

For the girls who want to learn something about the relationship, my advice is that, ‘ be alert’.  When you feel you are being cheated, stop there. When your sixth sense advises you not to go to the date- do not go. You should not try to become over empathetic when the other person ignores you for whatever the reason is. The abuse is abuse irrespective of its nature or deep reasons. The other person who is intentionally ignoring you, is not something to ignore. Believe me things either settle down at the time they are happening or they never settle down. Giving time to your abuser is equal to prolonging your disease with its worse side effects!

You know cancer is such a horrible word that nobody wants to hear about it. The relationship that we could not fix in time, will develop into a cancer in your heart and that cancer will never be re routed successfully. Unfortunately, you will have no time left to fix it  or It will be too late for you to decide about your relationship.

Therefore, If you are in the beginning and you feel that your partner is not behaving as per he/she should – stop there. Do not waste your time in judging and judging and judging. When you start living in your comfort zone, it is next to impossible to leave that. You become selfish, scary, hesitant, and passive with the passing time. Like a slowly effecting poison, you are taking your life day by day!

I do not mean that you do not compromise- rather I mean to compromise with vigilance and with full acknowledgment that you are doing it consciously.  We have doctors who warn us about upcoming diseases and possible precautions, we remember all healthy tips by heart to stay healthy, we take medicines to fight with side effects but when it comes to relationships, we listen to our heart and close our brain-eyes. We want to live in dreams and those dreams do not let us live according to our will. Therefore, it is worth keeping track of all your decisions and get tips from the professionals in time to save your future and its related happiness.

Cheers!

To The Mothers Of The Aggressive Children

 

Being a Muslim and a good human being we always give respect and favor to our mothers for their love, belongingness, care and sacrifice. Mothers are no doubt embracing the medal of nourishment and development of their kids. They are fully responsible for their kids moral and ethical education. Especially in the society of Pakistan, mothers’ role cannot be ignored as they have only one obligation to raise children and to do house chores (they are not forced to work outside).

With extreme apology, I must say that where mothers are appreciated for their brave, intelligent, successful children, they must be blamed for their cruel, hyperactive and aggressive off springs. When we say, mothers lap is the first place to learn, we must not forget the people who commit crimes, kill other innocent citizens and rape their sisters. Why not their mothers take charge of their deeds? Why not their mothers are liable for their sick personalities and ill behavioral aspects?

It is very important to understand what I want to say in this regard. No doubt, mothers are always loving, caring and nurturing by nature. No doubt mother must be respected everywhere. No doubt, mothers cannot stop crime and cruelty among society members. We cannot deny the mother’s  contribution to her children, whether she is educated or not. But at the same time, we cannot ignore mothers too when we talk about suicide bombers, honor killers, rapists, and terrorists.

Should we not educate mothers to teach their children about love, humanity, friendship, caring, sympathy, helping, generosity and gratitude. Should we not take measures to educate mothers before educating criminals, killers and suicide bomb blasters. Should not we deal with the root cause intelligently and wisely? Should not we take the mothers’ role seriously in eradicating the insecurity from the society? Should not we call mothers help to decide about our future’s peace and harmony in the most realistic manner? Only in this way, in my opinion the root cause of the unrest can be tackled with success.

Mothers can play a big role in maintaining a peace in the region. Mothers can stop the war of terrorism forever. Only mothers can perform such a duty in this critical time and help all of us miraculously. Only mothers can take the charge of bringing a change in society through their unconditional love towards their children and a firm attitude towards the negation of terrorist activities. Only mothers need to be awakened and get their children back on track!

 

How To Improve Interaction And Attachment Between You And Your Children  

 

There are many activities that you can choose from to create a wonderful environment at home while playing with your kids, but in this article I will only focus on things that need no or small amount of cash and will provide maximum pleasure of interaction and attachment between you and your toddlers.

1. Stickers

You may buy stickers for your and your kid’s choice and guide your child to stick them on their favorite toys to look better. For example, they can make eyes on several items; they can put the ball like stickers on the wheels of their cars to make the wheels more beautiful; they can fix many things with the help of stickers. It is so much fascinating and creative activity that not only provides your child a good hand and eye co-ordination rather is vital for strong bonding between you and your children.

2. Draws

If you have one simple table with draws, you can create many activities with your child. She can put her clothes, socks, scarf, hats, shoes etc. in them separately and can play with them at the same time. Similarly kids can enjoy putting their favorite stuff like dolls or cars in draws from time to time. You can join them by putting their toys in draws and can create a friendly and harmonious environment at the same time.

3. Books.

Books are very cheap in charity shops. Parents can buy lots of them, and both kids and parents can enjoy together while talking to each other and having fun with their kids. If you buy a magnetic book (or make it at home without magnetic part of it) it will pay you much more than its price in terms of attachment and satisfaction. Kids just love to put different stuff on pictures whether they stick or not.

4. Painting and Drawing

There are many kinds of paints and markers available in market nowadays, but if you buy a simple black slate or white board to draw with simple chalks or color markers, you can share lots of things together. For older kids, painting is very interesting activity, if one of their parents joins them in their refreshment and learning time.

5. PC or Laptop Fun

If you have a computer or laptop at home, your kids would like to see their favorite series/items (depends on their age level) on it too, and you both may enjoy while sitting together. If you have to do something very important, your child can watch her favorite item separately and you can also do your surfing separately in one window! Moreover, your kid can enjoy typing ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’, etc. if you buy a separate keyboard for her so that she could move her little fingers freely.

6. Food Fun

You can offer your kids lots of things that they can cut and make their favorite items like cars, dolls, animals etc. Such baking cutters are easily available in markets and are not very expensive too. Kids love to enjoy in meal times too so providing them this activity will also increase their appetite.

7. Cards

You may buy the memory cards from the market or can make them yourself free of cost. Kids usually love cards of different pictures, colors and figures. You may create many games with cards that all depend on the nature of cards and age of your child. In this way, you and your child may play together while having immense fun and learning.

8. Join Them

The last important thing is to join them whatever they are doing. For boys if they are playing with cars, try to fix their car problems, make new cars out of old ones, find new routes for them, change their shape if possible, etc. if you are with girl and she is playing with dolls, try to make doll stuff yourself. It shows all your affection and love that your child will never ignore. And you do not need any training for that, it is just a matter of willingness to join your kids whatever they are doing.

In short, parents can enjoy with their kids while doing lots of things together if they have time and energy at some point of the day. The important thing is that, toddlers need someone’s presence with them to have parallel play otherwise they will not be so much involved and enthusiastic in learning or playing. Parents need to watch them carefully how they like to play with and then they can add something from their side as a guide and teacher. Toddlers will not follow the instructions of parents rather they need to be listened patiently and tactfully for most of the time. The activity routine needs to be changed too. One activity every day will lose its effectiveness and you with your kid will not find it interesting anymore after a few days. So different activities on different days will enhance your Child’s IQ and will provide to both of you the best quality time ever.
Thanks

 

Emotional Immunization 

 

Children are our next generation and our future depends on them. They need to be healthy emotionally, physically and psychologically. We all know that medicines help us in curing diseases and improve our health in all over the world. Similarly, we know how antibiotics prove a beneficial medicine in certain circumstances. We all use immunizations to provide our children a proper level of self defense against fatal diseases. Thus we take all feasible measures to protect ourselves from any possible low or high risk disease since the beginning.

Unfortunately, in the world of psychology, we wait for the problems to arise and then take steps accordingly. We do not prepare our children for a variety of troubles that may come across their way in the future. We do not bother if our kids have certain emotions to deal with setbacks in life, to fight with others negativity with confidence, to strive for their rights with commitment and consistency. We care for their self-esteem, motivation, confidence and sociability to some extent, but the level of training is not specified in the exact terms as it should be.

In this regard, I strongly feel that the syllabus should not only cover positive traits rather negative traits. It should explain the possible negative events a person might encounter in life and suggest the best possible strategy to follow in such circumstances.

The syllabus must explain the negative emotions and their types. It should explain how to overcome negativity and how to react on negativity of others. It should explain in exact terms, what one should do with the arrival of negative thoughts and on encountering the other negative emotions. Moreover, the fake and simulation type experiences can be added to the children’s syllabus to prepare them to deal with negativity in the environment.

Similarly other psychological aspects: personality disorder, mood disorder, sleep disorder, anxiety disorder, somatoform disorder, developmental disorder, cognitive disorder, impulsive-control disorder, or sexual disorder, should not be ignored. Children must be introduced to primary psychological issues to better equip them with tools to fight with future possible psychological setbacks. Again fake training experiences in schools can teach them better about how to deal with some common psychological issues that may bother them in the future.

Prevention is not for medical science only; rather it is very vital in psychological development and growth. We must prevent our children from psychological traumas and the same time from any suspected psychological disorder. Keeping aside the procedures that have already been established in schools for the assessment of children’s aptitude and attitude, IQ and E.Q., self-esteem and self-concept, here, it is strongly recommended to create some strict guidelines for the psychological health of the children to prevent them from future psychological traumas and disorders. Just like the rules of ‘washing hands’, ‘brushing teeth’, and ‘healthy food intake’, for a healthy body, we can teach them to be positive, think ahead, believe in yourself, use your instinct, in schools to prevent them from becoming a victim of any psychological disorder in the future.

Children need a proper psychological training and guideline to follow in their life. They need to understand what could happen to them if they stop preventing them from psychological traumas. They need to understand their personality type and then work on it accordingly. They need to get a proper training to get rid of from their negative psychological traits as well as polishing positive psychological aspects. In short, prevention is better than cure, not in medical science rather for psychological health too.
Thanks