disorders

How can you improve your chances of being abused in an intimate relationship:

We all are victim of abuse in one way or the other in our life from someone at some particular point. Though we don’t fully understand the abusers in our society and could not recognize them at first glance; yet we could feel a little discomfort in their presence. We, in one way or the other, feel compelled to do something, guilt, being overly criticized, ignored or controlled or pressurized in our heart while confronting/obeying someone’s commands. This is known as abuse- more specifically emotional abuse. It is, in most cases, the abuser’s responsibility to have a check on his/her attitude and modify his/her behavior accordingly; yet it is also the abused one’s personal obligation towards his/her self to respond appropriately while being abused.

How can you trigger the abuse in your life – here are some examples that would suggest new angles to see the situation and make you alert in advance:

 The abuse would multiply if –

 You look too simple to deal with. When people think you are too good, too simple, and too polite; they will feel no threat in abusing you as much as they like.

  1. You ask with silly gestures and childish attitude- you are welcoming the unnecessary comments and the possible abuse from the black sheep.
  2. You are fulfilling the demands of the other person unnaturally; in this way you convey the message that you are the most obedient servant of him/her.
  3. You cannot say ‘no’ to someone who is crossing limits in dealing with you.
  4. You convey by your attitude that you never feel being degraded or humiliated or in other words, you welcome the abuse in your life.
  5. You keep silent on matters you should speak up or at least speak to someone to help you out.
  6. You remind others through your reactions that you have no self respect, self esteem and dignity to preserve so they can cross limits whenever they feel like.
  7. You never keep others in limits or you have no ethical limits to follow for yourself. You are not a man of principles.

 You ignore the abuse  in the first place, then it grows, and grows till the point, it is out of reach. So you should be very careful in dealing with an abusive relationship when it starts.

These are the simple guidelines to prevent abuse or abusive relationships in your life forever. When one is simply ignorant of the causes of the disease; he/she would never be able to carry out the precautions in advance. Thus, you are now aware of the disease ‘abuse’ and can put some checks on it in future. It will save you from many psychological and emotional disorders like depression, anxiety, guilt, hypertension, stress, sleeplessness, and ultimately suicidal and destructive tendencies. The most important is that you would be living an ‘abuse free’ life – a happy life.

Thanks

Would You Drink More To Be Out Of Trouble ?

We being a human always search for easy fixes, short cuts, and quick ways to fulfill our desires, wishes, and needs. We want to be happy as early as possible. We are quite impatient and inconsistent in achieving our goals to become successful. It is our nature and we fight with our nature to look mature, reasonable, vigilant, cool, persistent and tolerant.

I see people spending a huge amount on only entertainment: crazy sports, watching movies, reading fiction, clubs, dinners, parties, celebrations, shopping, and what not. I see people spend a lot on the things they do not need rather they think they would need. I see people spend a lot on luxuries as compared to their needs (after their basic needs fulfilled).

Have you seen people drunk on the roads, especially on weekends? Have you seen people in clubs, dancing, drinking, and having fun in a large number? Have you seen people in cinemas watching their favorite movies? Have you seen people in the markets while buying lots of stuff luxuriously and carelessly? Have you seen people traveling for fun sake only? Of course, you must have seen people in libraries lost in books too.

What is the difference between the two types: the one searching for happiness outside and the one searching for happiness inside. The first choice would never end: after each episode, there is another to watch, after buying one thing, you would need another one tomorrow, one drink this weekend and one for the next one, one resort this year and another for the next year. So there is no full stop, no satisfaction forever. You have to be engaged daily while pursuing your pleasures and happiness.

The second way is looking inside. In this mode, you are going inside- looking for some help, researching your problems and their solutions, finding new concepts to deal with, creating new theories to tackle and jumping in the sea of happiness that would leave its footprints on your personality forever. You are growing day by day – giving more life to your senses, body and to the world outside.

Suppose you are marring a man/woman who is just perfect for you. You think  his/her company would have a tremendous effect on you in the long run. You may go for it but risk is yours. You might not get what is in your mind – you might be wrong in assessing that personality.  On the other side, if you think you are strong enough to decide and live by your choice and the other person is free to live with you as per his/her wish and till the time you both are having good terms. In this case, you are not bound to live together forever with someone you do not deserve, as your partner is not bound too to live with you. In this scenario, both of you are not at risk: neither in union nor in separation.

Through a little analysis of the above example, we come to know that in the first approach, one is handing over its worries and happiness to someone else’s hands. Whereas in the second approach one is not willing to live by its partners choice, thus is more inclined towards its inner strength and will power.

When you close your eyes and try to forget about your problems, problems remain there. When you take your problems as your projects and work on them with motivation and determination, the problems start to diminish.   Similarly when you engage in time-consuming activities to forget your worries, you waste time. Though time is a good healer but it is not a good healer in each and every matter of life. Moreover, time healing techniques is not yours – it would play its role as per its nature. It might be the lifetime to heal your wounds! So would you waste your whole life for time is the only healer for you!

I do agree that time is a great healer but only for little problems. When you have got cold, you have no option except to take Paracetamol. Similarly in some tiny matters, you need to pass time and wait for the solution of your disease. What about chronic diseases? Should you wait and see what will happen tomorrow or should you go to the doctor to consult? Definitely, you should seek a doctor’s advice. So it depends on the situation.  Like medical problems, if your problem is interfering with your day-to-day life, and it is more than a month and your problem is persisting; do not ignore the symptoms. Go to some specialist and get some advice. Do not waste your time.  You cannot find happiness  in drinking, shopping, traveling, playing, watching or doing something to let you forget about your worries. As there is no quick fix to your psychological disorders, to get you out of trouble miraculously. Yes, you can find happiness through these hobbies, if you are already happy.  So first, become happy, then look happy, first deserve then desire, first feel then enjoy!

When  A Long Abusive Relationship Starts Flourishing!

Calamities are of different kinds: bad health, bad relationship, bad weather, bad results, bad luck and many more. We are always prone to divert our attention to them more than our fortunes: good health, good relationship, good weather, good results, good luck and many other goods. This is our nature. Being a human, we should save ourselves first from bad episodes of life, then should think about our good things. Safety always comes first . So do not worry about it.

When it comes to dealing with bad episodes, we need to think more. It is not always a quick fix when it comes to relationship puzzles. We for most of the time, cannot understand the other person from his/her behavior/gesture or attitude visible to naked eyes. We become such a fool that we even could not recognize our fault of misperception for years.

The question is why? Why the time comes when you start feeling regret? Why you waste your time in assessing your partner’s gestures and could not reach a better conclusion soon? Why you permit yourself to be indulged into a fake and critical relationship? Why you close your eyes? Why not, you take a step immediately, right after smelling something wrong?

In the third world countries, we know the answer. We respect our traditions more than our lives. We try to keep our customs alive than keeping our relationship healthy. We are bound to follow a path we are destined for. We, especially the women, are not economically independent and are not safe at all so we have no other choice except to accept all whether it is wrong or right. Women crush their wills, desires, wishes, wants, needs and spend a life that was designed for them either by their fathers, brothers or so called husbands. They do not play dead rather they are dead!

For the girls who want to learn something about the relationship, my advice is that, ‘ be alert’.  When you feel you are being cheated, stop there. When your sixth sense advises you not to go to the date- do not go. You should not try to become over empathetic when the other person ignores you for whatever the reason is. The abuse is abuse irrespective of its nature or deep reasons. The other person who is intentionally ignoring you, is not something to ignore. Believe me things either settle down at the time they are happening or they never settle down. Giving time to your abuser is equal to prolonging your disease with its worse side effects!

You know cancer is such a horrible word that nobody wants to hear about it. The relationship that we could not fix in time, will develop into a cancer in your heart and that cancer will never be re routed successfully. Unfortunately, you will have no time left to fix it  or It will be too late for you to decide about your relationship.

Therefore, If you are in the beginning and you feel that your partner is not behaving as per he/she should – stop there. Do not waste your time in judging and judging and judging. When you start living in your comfort zone, it is next to impossible to leave that. You become selfish, scary, hesitant, and passive with the passing time. Like a slowly effecting poison, you are taking your life day by day!

I do not mean that you do not compromise- rather I mean to compromise with vigilance and with full acknowledgment that you are doing it consciously.  We have doctors who warn us about upcoming diseases and possible precautions, we remember all healthy tips by heart to stay healthy, we take medicines to fight with side effects but when it comes to relationships, we listen to our heart and close our brain-eyes. We want to live in dreams and those dreams do not let us live according to our will. Therefore, it is worth keeping track of all your decisions and get tips from the professionals in time to save your future and its related happiness.

Cheers!

Self-Esteem Paradox

Self –Esteem is nowadays a common truth that everyone knows to some extent. We know when we feel low in esteem and when we feel high self esteem. We cannot say for sure, whether our self-esteem is real or fake, but we know that we are confronted with self-esteem issues and nothing else. You may find thousand techniques on how to gain self esteem truly and how to increase it day by day. You may find literature on how to maintain a healthy level of self esteem and become a successful human being as a result. In most of the cases, information is trustworthy and you can get benefit from such resources.

Here I am talking about the precaution not the solution of self-esteem related disorders. What do you think if we stop it from the beginning or try not to encounter with it throughout our life span. What if a child is given an immunization to prevent him/her from self-esteem problems in the future just like medical immunization systems? Can we provide our children a strong base to tackle with all kinds of self-esteem issues that might cause any severe disorder in their young or adult life? Self-esteem is visibly low in almost all psychological and personality disorders, so this prevention will benefit our next generation a lot.

The next question in this regard is how to prevent our nation from self-esteem problems? The answer is simple: we have to give them injections of low self esteem. We have to tell our children exactly what they will do, feel or observe when they face low self-esteem in their daily life. They need to understand all kinds of low self esteem and their severe consequences. Not only this, rather we need to give our children fake experiences of low self esteem and tell them how to get rid of it. These activities will train them for higher-level issues and they will not lose control when they find a real life threat to their self-esteem. In simple words, we have to educate them all basics of self-esteem and guide them through practical examples on how can they resist severe attacks of low self-esteem.

Self esteem is not limited to one field of life rather covers all areas of life and that is why it is very difficult to assess it as a whole and provide prevention skills. To tackle with its complexity, we need to assess our children from time to time and diagnose which type of information is vital for whom. Then, the best possible training might be provided to the students for the success of their future endeavors in general.

Safety tips for health, education, business, marketing, cooking, gardening and writing, save most of us in our daily life. We are accustomed to read them to get general information and to prevent us from commonsense mistakes. However, for psychological problems, we rarely look for others psyche and bother to improve ours. This is the main reason why we face troubles and usually it is too late to cure. We think we are the only one who is having this type of problem. Such thinking makes us more vulnerable towards helplessness and anxiety. Therefore, it is recommended to include self-esteem tips hand outs in all types of syllabi to prevent students from possible side effects of low self-esteem.

If I say that self-esteem is a contagious disease, it will not be very wrong. When we sit beside someone with low self-esteem, his/her ways of thinking affect ours in a systematic way. In addition, the same is true for us. As a result, we gain a new level of self-esteem (low or high) and unconsciously keep on delivering ours and absorbing others self-esteem from time to time. For this reason, we have to decide what are the golden rules that can prevent us from getting infected from others with low self-esteem. We need to establish a formula or pattern of beliefs that must be able to deal with such issues in advance.

Parent’s self-esteem is a great source of energy for their kids. By contrast, when parents suffer from low self-esteem, children’s self-esteem directly or indirectly is very much affected. To solve this problem, parenting classes to boost high level of self-esteem among their children are already getting inspiration in some of the areas of advanced world. Here the information that parents’ own level of self-esteem need to be raised to raise their children’s self-esteem is very vital. Educationists must have sessions with their pupils’ parents to see if the child’s low self-esteem has any connection with parents’ self esteem!

To conclude, self-esteem is very complex and common human trait and plays as a backbone in each psychological disorder. We can serve our children by utilizing our knowledge to give them proper training to deal with the self-esteem dilemmas. At the same time, we can equip them with a handful amount of tips to remain safe in the environment where low self-esteem threats are everywhere.

Thanks