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When  A Long Abusive Relationship Starts Flourishing!

Calamities are of different kinds: bad health, bad relationship, bad weather, bad results, bad luck and many more. We are always prone to divert our attention to them more than our fortunes: good health, good relationship, good weather, good results, good luck and many other goods. This is our nature. Being a human, we should save ourselves first from bad episodes of life, then should think about our good things. Safety always comes first . So do not worry about it.

When it comes to dealing with bad episodes, we need to think more. It is not always a quick fix when it comes to relationship puzzles. We for most of the time, cannot understand the other person from his/her behavior/gesture or attitude visible to naked eyes. We become such a fool that we even could not recognize our fault of misperception for years.

The question is why? Why the time comes when you start feeling regret? Why you waste your time in assessing your partner’s gestures and could not reach a better conclusion soon? Why you permit yourself to be indulged into a fake and critical relationship? Why you close your eyes? Why not, you take a step immediately, right after smelling something wrong?

In the third world countries, we know the answer. We respect our traditions more than our lives. We try to keep our customs alive than keeping our relationship healthy. We are bound to follow a path we are destined for. We, especially the women, are not economically independent and are not safe at all so we have no other choice except to accept all whether it is wrong or right. Women crush their wills, desires, wishes, wants, needs and spend a life that was designed for them either by their fathers, brothers or so called husbands. They do not play dead rather they are dead!

For the girls who want to learn something about the relationship, my advice is that, ‘ be alert’.  When you feel you are being cheated, stop there. When your sixth sense advises you not to go to the date- do not go. You should not try to become over empathetic when the other person ignores you for whatever the reason is. The abuse is abuse irrespective of its nature or deep reasons. The other person who is intentionally ignoring you, is not something to ignore. Believe me things either settle down at the time they are happening or they never settle down. Giving time to your abuser is equal to prolonging your disease with its worse side effects!

You know cancer is such a horrible word that nobody wants to hear about it. The relationship that we could not fix in time, will develop into a cancer in your heart and that cancer will never be re routed successfully. Unfortunately, you will have no time left to fix it  or It will be too late for you to decide about your relationship.

Therefore, If you are in the beginning and you feel that your partner is not behaving as per he/she should – stop there. Do not waste your time in judging and judging and judging. When you start living in your comfort zone, it is next to impossible to leave that. You become selfish, scary, hesitant, and passive with the passing time. Like a slowly effecting poison, you are taking your life day by day!

I do not mean that you do not compromise- rather I mean to compromise with vigilance and with full acknowledgment that you are doing it consciously.  We have doctors who warn us about upcoming diseases and possible precautions, we remember all healthy tips by heart to stay healthy, we take medicines to fight with side effects but when it comes to relationships, we listen to our heart and close our brain-eyes. We want to live in dreams and those dreams do not let us live according to our will. Therefore, it is worth keeping track of all your decisions and get tips from the professionals in time to save your future and its related happiness.

Cheers!

Abused Women Of Pakistan

When I was learning to drive, on my wrong movement toward backward, my instructor screwed me and said,’ if there were your little son standing on behind your car, I would see how you move without watching him’. I was bluntly looking at him and stood still! I had no words except to confess that I was wrong. I never made that mistake again. It was such a shocking assumption for me that I could not even think of that. I was terribly taught how to move backward carefully and safely.

Today I was watching T.V., when there was a news for a girl who was gang raped a few months back that she had burnt herself for not getting justice and for being stigmatized in society for such a long time. She had no other way except to have suicide. I think she should be taught a better way on how to suicide less miserably! At least there should be some peace in death!

Many other girls who suffer a trauma in life (may it be gang rape, burned in the fire,  put in graves alive, been cut body parts),  have no choice except to suicide. Unfortunately who live long, never find a respectable way to live their life as they are stigmatized, ridiculed and harshly criticized even within the sweet close family members!

Why don’t people think that this girl could be one of their relatives- their sisters, daughters, or  cousins. I think they have no courage to think like that or they have no sympathy even for their own relatives!

For a society where justice is no where, one cannot think of having a punishment;  one cannot fear of the law, jail or any other punishment; one cannot think of being stigmatized as the society is full of the  criminals- like minded people. Unfortunately, there is all good for them. I, being a blogger, can only condemn such brutalities and feel sorry for that. I offer my free services of counseling to women who had been a victim of such traumas in their life, whether they belong to Pakistan or any other country. Please contact me on my email: mei3na4@gmail.com. I am in my humble capacity performing my duty, but what about other relevant societies?

I understand that there is no voice that could stand with the victim.  No law, no government, no relative, no friend, no one! Here I put it in another shoe.  To the girls who suffer from such miseries and bear any kind of abuse in life, I appeal to please do not kill yourself. Please do not do that harm to your precious soul. Let it go. I know it does not sound  easy to you, I know, but you can do it as it is going to get you somewhere else. You can use your energy to do something great in life. You are not an ordinary soul, God has chosen you to do what an ordinary person cannot. There must be some good news for you too from your creator in the near future. Just be patient and remain  calm until you get your final destiny of peace and happiness.

If you do so, this would be the best revenge indeed. This would uplift you from the sheer darkness and calamity and take you towards the eternal peace and bring you in spirit to live a happy wonderful life. My sympathy is always with you  so you are most welcome to contact me whenever you feel like.

Thanks