parenting

‘How We Live Together’ Defines Our Kids Personalities

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note: courtesy to Google Images

We, being parents, want to give our kids the best of all: education, health, success, happiness and whatever they desire. To gain the goals above, we adapt different strategies and techniques. Some hire classes of different kinds to keep their children fit: yoga, tennis, golf, swimming, gymnastic, foot ball, etc. Some focus on health and provide their kids the best of all kinds of food: apple, oranges, juices, vegetables, pure milk, eggs, honey, etc. Some would allow their kids to play all types of games and movies on their I Pads, tablets, mobile phones and laptops. Some would even go for the most expensive toys to please their kids and fill their brains with lots of happy moments as much as possible. Some would plan vacations for their kids amusement and pleasure-full of Disney land activities! There is no limit to that. Some would go to the library with their kids to make them the most intellectuals of the world- scientists or doctors. Though, these all options contribute towards the well fare of the kids overall healthy development; these are not enough!

We, being a real human being forget the emotional part of the environment. One part is with us in shape of hard materialistic life-style and other one is the emotional background that provide us with our identity about who we are and what we belong to. It is not sufficient to say that we belong to a middle class family or a very religious family or a modern one. The experiences we share on daily basis are more specific and accurate to define our identity. To simplify the situation we can think of the families in which:

  1. Parents respect each other and usually each partner puts the other one’s need ahead of the children needs. Mother is sharing economical burden too, so she is confident and happy inside. Fathers share house hold responsibilities too to maintain an healthy environment. When mother feels good, she reacts nicely towards kids sudden inquiries. Father can get some time everyday for his family and they together spend some quality time each day. So kids get the feeling of harmony, love and unity from their family background.
  2. Parents live together but do not respect each other in front of children. Father deals with wife as if she is a servant and often uses verbally abusive language to degrade her in different ways. Mother is scared of living alone (due to being a stay at tome house wife) so is forcibly living with her husband to keep the family life intact. Mother is quite passionate about her child as if she thinks her children would become her power some day to protect her from her husband. Children get scary feelings from such environment and are quite hesitant to initiate, to ask questions, and to behave appropriately in a social gathering. Their self-esteem is strongly damaged through such environmental experiences.
  3. Parents try to cheat each other in front of children. They take care of children to get the attention of the other partner. They are not involved in the upbringing of their kids wholeheartedly. Parents think that kids are like burden or responsibility so they have to raise them. Parents have their own goals and they keep them higher than other goals including their kids fresh demands/needs. In this environment kids would feel neglected and lonely and would seek for other resources to keep them entertained and happy. They would start thinking of leaving their parents home as early as they grow up due to having no intimate or friendly relationship with their parents.

Similarly, we can define thousand backgrounds that kids come from. These emotional backgrounds shape our kids personalities. Therefore it does not matter what we teach them:  honesty, bravery, or empathy.  What matters is where they come from. We set their environment and they react to it accordingly. Hope this will help someone to understand the kids behaviour and pave a way for someone to alter the way they are living TOGETHER!

Say Sorry To Your Kids!

Parents are always interested in the well being of their children and sacrifice is their second nature. Parents usually collect all their wisdom and comfort their children first and then think about their own needs. We, no doubt, are very much aware of our parent’s intentions, well wishes, and great love for us.

 However, there is no perfect parent in this world. One can try to become perfect; but it is simply not possible to do all what is required in the most professional mechanical way at the exact time. So we are prone to do mistakes while having a great pressure of good parenting style. What do you do when you acknowledge your mistake? Let me give you some examples to understand the concept:

  • Suppose you could not get what your child is saying and shuts her up abruptly
  • Suppose you mistakenly taught wrong meaning to your child
  • Suppose you are upset due to some reason and snubs your child rudely
  • Suppose you could not make some food for your child due to your leisure or lazy attitude
  • Suppose you know you could comfort your child, but you did not act like that due to some enmity for your husband
  • Suppose you are neglecting your child due to your abusive relationship with your partner
  • Suppose you are ill-treating your child due to your anxiety in job

There could be several reasons for your rude behavior with your children that would create a guilt for you. You know you have done something wrong with your children and no body is witness to that. You, in your heart, feel guilt and shame! You feel regret and sorry for that. How would you treat yourself positively and replace your feelings with new energy of love?

Certainly it is very important for you to get rid of such feelings but how?

There is not much work for you to do in this regard. You may say SORRY  to your child and explain to her why you were rude or indifferent according to her age level. Even if the child is two years old, she will listen to you carefully and respond empathetically. This is most important for both of you to resolve the issue as early as possible; otherwise the gap of misunderstanding would become too huge to settle down.

The Best Gift Parents Give To Their Children

Parents are responsible for their children’s well being overall. It includes healthy food, good education, a safe place to live, a sense of unconditional love, and a sense of greater self-esteem. Parents at their level best try to fulfill all. They not only give formal education to their offspring rather informal moral education go side-by-side. Vigilant parents provide their children not only a clean, safe place to live rather a sense of surety within. Empathetic parents understand the importance of unconditional love towards their children and at the same time impose some limits to stop their children from being aggressive, disobedient and rude. Parents are well informed about their children’s level of self-esteem in schools and their work together with teachers to improve it their better future and a successful life ahead.
Though the responsibilities of the parents never end, what they do not understand in this regard is their responsibility to give their children indirect education, love, safety and self-esteem that will create long lasting effects. How can parents fulfill such a need:
By loving each other in front of their children
By taking care of each other in front of their children
By respecting each other in their children’s presence
By tolerating each other in their child’s presence.
By showing empathy to each other when children are around
By behaving nicely when children are around
Thus, their children will imitate their role models and learn a lot. When parents do something else and say something else, children cannot follow any of these. They b

 

ecome confused and do what they like based on their own immature calculation. Not only this, we, as parents, need not to pretend that we are loving, nice or caring – we need to be real, honest and pure with ourselves to convey our messages to our children in reality.
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Emotional Immunization 

 

Children are our next generation and our future depends on them. They need to be healthy emotionally, physically and psychologically. We all know that medicines help us in curing diseases and improve our health in all over the world. Similarly, we know how antibiotics prove a beneficial medicine in certain circumstances. We all use immunizations to provide our children a proper level of self defense against fatal diseases. Thus we take all feasible measures to protect ourselves from any possible low or high risk disease since the beginning.

Unfortunately, in the world of psychology, we wait for the problems to arise and then take steps accordingly. We do not prepare our children for a variety of troubles that may come across their way in the future. We do not bother if our kids have certain emotions to deal with setbacks in life, to fight with others negativity with confidence, to strive for their rights with commitment and consistency. We care for their self-esteem, motivation, confidence and sociability to some extent, but the level of training is not specified in the exact terms as it should be.

In this regard, I strongly feel that the syllabus should not only cover positive traits rather negative traits. It should explain the possible negative events a person might encounter in life and suggest the best possible strategy to follow in such circumstances.

The syllabus must explain the negative emotions and their types. It should explain how to overcome negativity and how to react on negativity of others. It should explain in exact terms, what one should do with the arrival of negative thoughts and on encountering the other negative emotions. Moreover, the fake and simulation type experiences can be added to the children’s syllabus to prepare them to deal with negativity in the environment.

Similarly other psychological aspects: personality disorder, mood disorder, sleep disorder, anxiety disorder, somatoform disorder, developmental disorder, cognitive disorder, impulsive-control disorder, or sexual disorder, should not be ignored. Children must be introduced to primary psychological issues to better equip them with tools to fight with future possible psychological setbacks. Again fake training experiences in schools can teach them better about how to deal with some common psychological issues that may bother them in the future.

Prevention is not for medical science only; rather it is very vital in psychological development and growth. We must prevent our children from psychological traumas and the same time from any suspected psychological disorder. Keeping aside the procedures that have already been established in schools for the assessment of children’s aptitude and attitude, IQ and E.Q., self-esteem and self-concept, here, it is strongly recommended to create some strict guidelines for the psychological health of the children to prevent them from future psychological traumas and disorders. Just like the rules of ‘washing hands’, ‘brushing teeth’, and ‘healthy food intake’, for a healthy body, we can teach them to be positive, think ahead, believe in yourself, use your instinct, in schools to prevent them from becoming a victim of any psychological disorder in the future.

Children need a proper psychological training and guideline to follow in their life. They need to understand what could happen to them if they stop preventing them from psychological traumas. They need to understand their personality type and then work on it accordingly. They need to get a proper training to get rid of from their negative psychological traits as well as polishing positive psychological aspects. In short, prevention is better than cure, not in medical science rather for psychological health too.
Thanks