‘How We Live Together’ Defines Our Kids Personalities

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note: courtesy to Google Images

We, being parents, want to give our kids the best of all: education, health, success, happiness and whatever they desire. To gain the goals above, we adapt different strategies and techniques. Some hire classes of different kinds to keep their children fit: yoga, tennis, golf, swimming, gymnastic, foot ball, etc. Some focus on health and provide their kids the best of all kinds of food: apple, oranges, juices, vegetables, pure milk, eggs, honey, etc. Some would allow their kids to play all types of games and movies on their I Pads, tablets, mobile phones and laptops. Some would even go for the most expensive toys to please their kids and fill their brains with lots of happy moments as much as possible. Some would plan vacations for their kids amusement and pleasure-full of Disney land activities! There is no limit to that. Some would go to the library with their kids to make them the most intellectuals of the world- scientists or doctors. Though, these all options contribute towards the well fare of the kids overall healthy development; these are not enough!

We, being a real human being forget the emotional part of the environment. One part is with us in shape of hard materialistic life-style and other one is the emotional background that provide us with our identity about who we are and what we belong to. It is not sufficient to say that we belong to a middle class family or a very religious family or a modern one. The experiences we share on daily basis are more specific and accurate to define our identity. To simplify the situation we can think of the families in which:

  1. Parents respect each other and usually each partner puts the other one’s need ahead of the children needs. Mother is sharing economical burden too, so she is confident and happy inside. Fathers share house hold responsibilities too to maintain an healthy environment. When mother feels good, she reacts nicely towards kids sudden inquiries. Father can get some time everyday for his family and they together spend some quality time each day. So kids get the feeling of harmony, love and unity from their family background.
  2. Parents live together but do not respect each other in front of children. Father deals with wife as if she is a servant and often uses verbally abusive language to degrade her in different ways. Mother is scared of living alone (due to being a stay at tome house wife) so is forcibly living with her husband to keep the family life intact. Mother is quite passionate about her child as if she thinks her children would become her power some day to protect her from her husband. Children get scary feelings from such environment and are quite hesitant to initiate, to ask questions, and to behave appropriately in a social gathering. Their self-esteem is strongly damaged through such environmental experiences.
  3. Parents try to cheat each other in front of children. They take care of children to get the attention of the other partner. They are not involved in the upbringing of their kids wholeheartedly. Parents think that kids are like burden or responsibility so they have to raise them. Parents have their own goals and they keep them higher than other goals including their kids fresh demands/needs. In this environment kids would feel neglected and lonely and would seek for other resources to keep them entertained and happy. They would start thinking of leaving their parents home as early as they grow up due to having no intimate or friendly relationship with their parents.

Similarly, we can define thousand backgrounds that kids come from. These emotional backgrounds shape our kids personalities. Therefore it does not matter what we teach them:  honesty, bravery, or empathy.  What matters is where they come from. We set their environment and they react to it accordingly. Hope this will help someone to understand the kids behaviour and pave a way for someone to alter the way they are living TOGETHER!

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