Morality

Stop Abusing Your Kids!

Abuse is a wide term that can start from a little humiliating joke to threatening a person to death. Every individual perceive it differently and silently! However, a general rule of thumb is that it is some feeling that you bear out of being abused from someone you know. Parents are not free from this kind of allegation as some of us definitely abuse their children. How can a parent abuse his child? There are many ways to abuse a child in which some are
being short listed below:

a. When a parent deliberately ignores his child’s needs such as cleaning, washing, feeding, cuddling and teaching..
b. When you see a child in danger and do not react in the best possible way to help the child whether it is your or someone else’s.
c. When you teach your child how to harm others, how to tell a lie, how to create fuss or how to make mess- you are abusing her.
d. When you do not stop your child from being aggressive, being crazy, being obsessive, or from being selfish. In each case, it is your duty as a parent to teach your child about her possible negative behavioral consequences.
e. When you teach your child about wrong, negative and harmful traditions of your society. Your child is not supposed to fulfill demands of society’s unhealthy and cruel traditions if there are any.
f. When you do not give your child a sense of confidence that she could share her feelings with you; you are abusing her. She will not feel secure unless you make her feel secure by your behavior and verbal assurance.
g. When you leave your child in a stressful situation to punish her. It is also a kind of abuse if your child is innocent and not getting what you mean.
h. When you force your child to sit with people she does not like or when you force your child to talk to people she does not like to talk to. You are not supposed to force your child to do anything unless her safety and security is compromised in doing so.
i. When you leave your child with others whom you are not sure if they would provide enough care to your child.
j. When you threat your child to leave her alone or any other kind of threat!

These are all passive abusive behaviors that most of the parents unconsciously adapt. It is always good to see our attitude in terms of abusive language; sometimes we can modify our role and become a good parent!

Say Sorry To Your Kids!

Parents are always interested in the well being of their children and sacrifice is their second nature. Parents usually collect all their wisdom and comfort their children first and then think about their own needs. We, no doubt, are very much aware of our parent’s intentions, well wishes, and great love for us.

 However, there is no perfect parent in this world. One can try to become perfect; but it is simply not possible to do all what is required in the most professional mechanical way at the exact time. So we are prone to do mistakes while having a great pressure of good parenting style. What do you do when you acknowledge your mistake? Let me give you some examples to understand the concept:

  • Suppose you could not get what your child is saying and shuts her up abruptly
  • Suppose you mistakenly taught wrong meaning to your child
  • Suppose you are upset due to some reason and snubs your child rudely
  • Suppose you could not make some food for your child due to your leisure or lazy attitude
  • Suppose you know you could comfort your child, but you did not act like that due to some enmity for your husband
  • Suppose you are neglecting your child due to your abusive relationship with your partner
  • Suppose you are ill-treating your child due to your anxiety in job

There could be several reasons for your rude behavior with your children that would create a guilt for you. You know you have done something wrong with your children and no body is witness to that. You, in your heart, feel guilt and shame! You feel regret and sorry for that. How would you treat yourself positively and replace your feelings with new energy of love?

Certainly it is very important for you to get rid of such feelings but how?

There is not much work for you to do in this regard. You may say SORRY  to your child and explain to her why you were rude or indifferent according to her age level. Even if the child is two years old, she will listen to you carefully and respond empathetically. This is most important for both of you to resolve the issue as early as possible; otherwise the gap of misunderstanding would become too huge to settle down.

There Is No Objective Reality Indeed!

“Belief is defined in Webster’s Unabridged Third New International Dictionary as a ‘conviction of the truth of some statement or the reality of some being or phenomenon………………………… One must therefore take cognitive, behavioral, sensory, motivational, affective, and contextual factors into account when attempting to unravel the mysteries of belief system evolution.” (Walters, 2002, p. 21).

 We perceive as per our interpretation and understanding of the world. We are not always right in assessing people around us- rather, many times we have to face challenges, dishonesties, and cruelties of other people. We could not get the reality due to disguised faces, fake facial expressions and postures. We have to believe on our senses- eyes and ears especially. We have no other way except to believe what we are encountering with. There is no objective reality in this world – as all realities are subject to our own experiences with the environment in which we interact directly. We are for most of the time product of our own beliefs, concepts, and theories for that we solely are responsible. That is why so far, nobody could prove scientifically that he/she is right in his/her conduct.

Not only our perception of the relationship is biased, our perception with  the universe is too absurd. Some among us like all what is blessed to them, including miseries and misfortunes; some say thanks to only a few of them and complain for troubles and sufferings; and some say thanks for the misfortunes and complain for the blessings. The first two categories are well understood as we all belong to one of them. What about third one? Many of us belong to the third one, but they rarely are aware of that. For example: when a parent thinks that a baby boy is a symbol of abundance and prosperity, they say thanks to the Universe for such a blessing.  Later on, that boy brings complaints for them. Similarly a girl is usually thought as a sign of bad luck in many parts of India. When that girl brings good luck to the family, the family reconsiders their views and says thanks for her instead of saying complaint. The same is true with many things for which we should say thanks – we complain against; the things we should not complain and say thanks instead, we complain.

Being a parent, you must have observed your children’s behavior minutely. Have you ever noticed that your children are not following in the same directions you are teaching? Yes. It is true. Children follow the guidelines, but with their own interpretations. You will say not to run, and she will stop walking; you will ask her not to throw things and she will conclude that you do not like her; you will tell her to finish the plate and she will throw the food in the dust bin! Thus, since childhood we are quite prone to misinterpret or interpret in our own way to suit our goals and objectives.

Colors in all over the world are same- red is red, black is black and white is white. If I tell you to imagine red in your mind, which image you imagine – blood, follower, flag, eyes, shirt or what. The same is true for all colors. We all keep various images for various colors likewise for various concepts. We distinguish strongly in our imagination of the same concept given to us in the unique manner. We believe in the same concept while expressing differently. For example: being straight means honest to one’s feelings or being arrogant, would depend on the perceiver’s unique perception of the concept. Being romantic means being sexy (physically), intimate (with empathetic attitude) , or loving ( simply nice in communication) ; would also depend upon the perceiver’s special ability to perceive such a complex emotional trait.

Gender discrimination is very common in many parts of the world. It is worst in the countries where people derive their own meanings of well defined world rules and laws. Such persons commit crimes against women of different kinds, but use different concepts to convince and protect their survival overall. It is well noted that “Common errors of construction include arbitrary inference, dichotomous reasoning, magnification, minimization, overgeneralization, and personalization, although other possibilities exist.” (Walters, 2002, p. 45). Thus, the most wanted criminal acts can also be justified, appreciated and valued subjectively.

However, what do you think about subjective reality? Do you still feel that your opinions are based on unbiased truths, beliefs and values? Are you still convinced that your reality of life is universal and your values are appreciated internationally in the way you express them? Do you still hold a belief that your expression is the best expression indeed? If yes, you are still in the process of learning self perceptual mechanism. If No, you have already mastered the skill I am teaching myself yet.

Ref:

Glenn D.walters. (2002). Criminal Belief Systems. An integrated-Interactive Theory of Lifestyles.

Do We Perceive Moral Values As Per Our Will?

What we Misperceive through our eyes, is not always restricted to our eyes. You must have seen many optical illusions in your life that represent different perceptions for different people. Nobody is sure for their reality. They change their perception even for the same person. Strange! But it is true. If you have no idea of illusions, then click the link below to learn more about illusions.

http://www.michaelbach.de/ot/

Today my focus is not on illusions rather the secret behind those illusions. First consider the following examples:

  1. Have you ever read a word according to your own mental picture- rice for price, money for enemy, sex for best and many others.
  2. People comment on the same product that vary a lot. For some it is amazing and for others it is disgusting.
  3. For one color, different people have different opinions. Some adore a color and some hate the same!

Thus we can conclude that we have different perceptions of the same phenomena at the same time. Even we change our perception with respect to a little change in time, our experience or age. One idea is brilliant for one person, and the same idea is shit for the other one. One article is worth reading for one, and the same article is rubbish for the other one. One man is the real leader for one party and the same man is a big joke for the other one. We have thousand examples to quote in this regard.

In spite of all that, we cannot say that a man is a women, a killer is a good man, a rapist is at right cause, a child is not innocent, a robbery is appreciable and all other examples alike.

There must be some limit in perceiving a thing in our own way. We can say that we love someone because of his smartness and others can say that they love the same person for his intellect but we cannot say that we love someone because of his cruelty.

In the moral world, things are more complicated and more illusions exist than any other field of life. One moral quote is perceived differently among different people. Usually people act upon moral education as per their own perceptual understanding of that moral thought. They use the context they think is suitable for that quote. They verify the quote in their own brain and act on that according to their own standard.

For example: honestly is the best policy. Now see how people apply this quote in their lives differently while thinking that they are following the message in the same way others are using.

  • A person pays the right amount to his workers and makes sure that there should not be any penny  up or down.
  • Second person thinks he should not get a leave while making any fake excuse.
  • Third person thinks he should not take advantage of his company rules.
  • Fourth thinks, he should be honest in front of his wife and should not hid his feelings at any cost.
  • Fifth one thinks he should not earn a huge profit from the things he is selling- normal profit is OK.
  • Sixth one thinks one should not advertise wrong traits of his products to market them at large level.
  • Another one thinks one should not tell a lie to his family about his income.

There are countless examples to quote.  The crux is that when we start perceiving some information, we interpret it in our own brain, in our own unique way, and apply in our particular circumstance. We definitely perceive very uniquely and claim that we are perceiving something like others. Whereas our perception is very unique by all means. The same concept, the other person is applying in some other field of life and claiming that the concept is his favorite one.

Therefore, belonging to the same religion, we behave differently, react differently, adapt differently to different circumstances, and feel differently on similar occasions. We think we are following the same education and moral values, but our perception is different. The way we adopt the teachings, is very much contrasting to others.

Thanks

How Can We Save Our Children From Being Aggressive?   

Aggression in children is not very common in cold countries as compared to warm places. There are many factors that contribute to the child’s aggressive behavior: weather, noise pollution, family structure, food, and parents parenting style. The most important one is ‘parents’ parenting style’.
One should know what to do when his/her child is in an aggressive mood otherwise things will become more complex and alarming in the future. Here are some common mistakes that parents do and contribute a lot towards the aggression of their children deliberately or unconsciously:
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The Universal Parental Religion 

There are many cultures in this world and all are aware of the name, ‘cultural differences’. We think we belong to a different region so our likes and dislikes are different. We feel we behave similarly while living in the same group and follow the same religious teachings that each one of us living around us belong to. For example, being a Muslim, we think all Muslims are alike because they share the same religion. Being a Christian, we think all Christians behave in a certain way. Usually people living in one group for a long time, share many things together – they follow the same teachings, cultural aspects, traditions, customs and other trivial ways of life.

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To Learn – Basic Human Need   

We as human beings are designed to live with food, shelter, love, emotions, health, relationships, and many other things common for all of us in all over the world. Our instincts, attitudes, behaviors, aptitudes and personalities are totally understood the world over. We recognize the meanings of universal realities, international human rights, the definition of love, happiness and humanity as a whole in all over the world.

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Think Before!

When we go to the market to buy some electric item, we consider all the specifications in detail and compare their quality with their price. For example, in the shopping of computer, we consider hard drive capacity, screen size, RAM, processor type, etc. We take it as a whole and compare several times with other categories of the product.In short, we try to satisfy ourselves from every aspect and then decide about the purchase. The people who do not care much, usually ends up in frustration and cry over spilt milk. The lesson of the story is that we need to do all kinds of necessary homework if we want to be satisfied with our purchases and expenditures.

My focus is not about marketing attitudes rather the attitudes that we use to establish new relationships. How much we think before making a person a friend? How much we think about someone before making him/her a soul mate or roommate? How much we think before making someone a close friend? How much we think before becoming a parent? How much we think before we go for a marriage, especially in eastern cultures? How much we think before we take any step in life regarding the profession, education or immigration. How much we think before any break-up? If you think that you are very much vigilant and smart in such matters, then this article is not for you.

If you believe and you have already experienced a lot of drastic decisions that make you realize that you were in a hurry or you had to spend much time on pros and cons of your decisions then you need a proper training. Training to understand the fact that you need to think before.

What kind of thoughts may help you in this regard? Basically, we are in a hurry and decide emotionally about our emotional relationships as a human. We can answer such questions after having a little research work such as:

a. The person belongs to what kind of family
i. Honest
ii. Dishonest
iii. Rich
iv. Poor
v. Strong
vi. Weak
vii. Famous
viii. Stranger

b. The person’s past involves what kind of relationships
i. True
ii. Cheater
iii. Rich
iv. Temporary
v. Long
vi. Consistent

c. The person’s habits include what types
i. Harmful
ii. Healthy
iii. Mature
iv. Immature
v. Regular
vi. Irregular

d. The person’s friends speak about him/her in what tone
i. Fair
ii. Friendly
iii. Loving
iv. Reserve
v. Selfish

e. The persons living area is of what type
i. Neat
ii. Dirty
iii. Tidy
iv. Simple
v. Strange

f. The person’s beliefs are of what type
i. Religious
1. Name of the religion
2. Name of specific beliefs
3. Activities to practice
ii. Non religious
1. Beliefs in specific terms
2. Practices in specific terms

g. The persons limits are about what kind
i. In financial matters
ii. In domestic life
iii. In professional life

h. The persons negative and positive attributes
i. With family members
ii. With neighbors
iii. With personal relationships

i. The person’s spending habits
i. With friends
ii. With relatives
iii. With strangers

j. The person’s moral and social habits.
i. In general, as a whole
ii. In family
iii. With friends

There could be several sub categories to discuss further in this regard. It is all worth thinking ahead, otherwise you might be suffering from bad consequences to severe traumas due to your emotional and instant decisions about having a relationship in your life.
Thanks

Human Love Need Not To Be Unconditional 

We all know what unconditional love is and how to apply it in a proper way. We all know parents love for their children must be unconditional, God’s love for his creation is always unconditional, and we know we need to develop unconditional love if we love someone truly. Unconditional means, love someone without any effort to change someone’s behavior, personality, and beliefs- accepting others with all shortcomings, limitations and weaknesses. We all know it very well and expect the same love from others too. Here, I am focusing on the love that needs not to be unconditional or there will not be any love at all. Have you experienced any kind of abuse in your life? If yes, then do you love your abuser? If yes, then you need not to love him anymore. Any kind of torture, abuse, discrimination and violation of human rights must not be appreciated, encouraged, or beloved in any scenario. Of course the abuser, criminal, or discriminator should not be hated as their actions need to be condemned. But what about love? Would we be able to love such personalities? Is it in our hand to love someone who is giving pain to us? Is it in our hand to separate the two things: crime and criminal? Linguistically or theoretically, it is possible to separate the two things, but practically and physically it is hard to distinguish between the two. We cannot love someone who is giving torture, who is an abuser, or who is the violator of basic human rights. Yes, we can forgive him/her and wish him/her a prosperous life and happiness with the awareness of his/her criminality. We can teach him/her on how to leave bad habits and facilitate him/her in the recovery process. We can donate something to him/her and his family for the sake of goodness and humbleness but we cannot be able to love him/her. Should we? Till the time, someone is in the zone of criminality and not guilty on his/her deeds, he or she must not be loved. God himself loves those who care for humanity, who are gentle in nature, and express their gratitude all the time. God is not with abusers, cheaters, thieves, liars, killers, rapists and seducers. Similarly we cannot separate a good deed from a person’s personality. We are impressed by nice behavior, cool conduct, polite attitude, and empathetic minds. We love the people who care for us, who help us out, who share with us and who support us in one way or the other. We just cannot see them without their personality aspects. or can we? People, who simply want others to love them unconditionally, are at fault. Even mothers need to take care of their children’s feelings in everyday life. When they ignore them largely (punish them, shout at them, and panic them) for a long time, love bond between the two will be at risk too. Such as in the cases of abuse (between parents and children) children will not keep on loving their parents unconditionally – the time will come when there will not be any love between the two. Although we all need the love that is basically unconditional from others but at the same time we do not accept others unconditionally. When someone dear to us, go against our nature, does something that annoys us, shows enmity to us, curses us, yells at us, shows disrespect to us, humiliates us, degrades us, makes us vulnerable, or does anything against us that we severely condemn, we all become sick and our love is no more there. At the end, we will not be in love– conditional or unconditional. To give punishment for crimes, to stop someone from being rude, to correct someone by force, or not to help someone in doing fraud, are all kinds of love for humanity. If we understand that to love someone unconditionally does not mean to accept him/her being abusive or torturous, then we can promote unconditional love and claim to have one. Otherwise we will put ourselves in a vicious circle of disappointment, depression, anxiety and frustration. Likewise, we need to understand that someone’s unconditional love for us does not mean he/she accepts our irrational and intolerable behavior. He/she has a right to save his/her life whenever it is in danger irrespective of the love he/she keeps for us. Only by this way, we can maintain a healthy unconditional love for someone. To conclude, love is always there but its quality is likely to improve if someone we love fulfills our expectations and shares many things with us in one way or the other. Love need not to be conditional in any case, but it is likely to fade with time, if we ignore basic human rights, relationship needs and do not concern to others in the time of need. We do not define conditions on our love intentionally as they are in our unconscious mind and we associate our love with them indirectly. When we do not get what we need for a long time from the person we love, we stop loving him/her and the love (unconditional) is simply not there. The same is true for any kind of relationship except God and His Creation. Thanks

Morality From Culture To Culture

When I search for humanity in literature, it usually comes with broad perspectives about the products like truth, honesty, empathy, selflessness, sincerity, and all other things related to these. Although these are not wrong perceptions about humanity, but we need a clear and concise concept about each of it in this complex era. For example, for truth, it must be clear what to say in a particular circumstance, whom to say truth, how to deliver it, when to deliver it and other related precise details. Sometimes, one single truth may take a  person’s life and alternatively that truth may also save someone’s life. The same is true with other phenomena. We are for many times not sure about the reality of our morality or we are not trained in that sense that is why we miss many expressions of it.

We simply apply the morality, what we think morality is. In some cultures, respect is something related to standing up in front of others (like in Pakistan) while in others respect is something related to doing what is required (like in China). Similarly, in some cultures, asking for help is not respectable (in some parts of India) while in others it is the most convenient way to live (in UK). Nevertheless, in some places, one should take care of others’ likes and dislikes with the exchange of highly valuable gifts (like in Pakistan) while in others one must give someone (as a gift) what he /she likes for him/her self (sender)  plus it could be anything from a feather to a house (like Arab countries). There are a thousand examples to quote in this regard that prove that we address morality according to our own cultural, religious and personal needs.

Similarly, there are certain things in one culture that are thought as normal while in others are simply rude. For example, in one culture guests may be refused politely if you are busy (like in the UK), while in another one, guests simply cannot be refused or we will become rude. Like in Pakistan and India, guest cannot be refused at any time, for any cause. It is not polite to refuse them. Likewise, in some cultures, one must not enter others personal space while in others this is being proud, antisocial, and unfriendly. When we compare the rights and duties of women and men in different cultures of the world, we will find huge differences of different kinds. In short, whatever is your culture, you will feel that way and judge others accordingly.

When we define our morality according to our needs, we must respect others moral values as they are too according to their needs. However, there is a very delicate line between what is a cultural thing and a criminal thing. For example, in one culture, marriages are more about businesses whereas in others a marriage is a sacred entity and is more about religion. In some cultures, women are not treated equally like men and they need to know more about morality than men. In such cultures, girls have no right to ask about their status or should not expect the same status like boys. Their moral values vary for each section of the society and morality means total slavery of the poor class to the rich class/bosses/owners. From these examples, one must think what kind of cultures are these? Are they carrying up some values or criminal acts in the name of cultural beauties?

Thus, to take care of someone’s culture when you know it is not worth taking care, is more about harming him/her than benefiting. Whenever we encounter something dangerous, alarming, negative, in the name of morality, we must not obey, irrespective of its origin or root cause. We must obey the moral rules that are in the interest of humanity overall. If there is any rule that is neither harming anyone nor benefiting, then it is up to us to follow it or not to follow. We, being the best judge, can set a moral guideline for us and others that proves best or we can choose to adapt (already set world criteria of being human) otherwise.