Culture

Your Preference In A Particular Time Will Decide About Your True Love

We live with someone we have to share many things from food to bed. In couples, usually arguments arise due to having a contradictory point of view about one object. Do you want to know what is the real truth about your partner with respect to love, sex and intimacy? Are you aware of your partner’s true nature? Have you ever experienced your partner reacted differently somewhere beyond your expectations? If yes, then it is a case of contradictory preferences. Consider the following statements for a while:

• In normal circumstances, I would love to take you, but today I am more interested to go to university to see my friend.

• In normal circumstances, I would love to go to university to see my friend, but today I want to see my favorite movie last show in the cinema.

• In normal circumstances, I would love to go to the cinema to see that movie, but today I will have to arrange a job for my best friend.

• In normal circumstances, I would love to arrange a job for my best friend, but today my commitment with my son is more important.

• In normal circumstances, I would take my son to the park, but today I have to go for shopping first.

• In normal circumstances, I would go for the shopping first, but today I have to write a blog on my website.

• In normal circumstances, I would write a blog on my website, but today I am having a dinner outside.

In the above example, in each event, the preference is changed. The most preferred thing is our true nature that we just cannot postpone at any cost. We can also check our partner’s preferences in different circumstances and finally evaluate which is his/her true preference.
We, for most of the time, think we know ourselves better, but it is not true. Whenever we have better options, we go for that. Whenever we have ailments and troubles, we leave our present state of preferences and think that health is our first priority. So we always compare our likes and dislikes with respect to their value that we assign. In other words, we would change our preferences if we have more alternatives. Therefore, preferences themselves are nothing; they should always be considered with respect to alternatives. For example: you have two choices available to choose from: red color or black color. You are bound to prefer one; otherwise your choice would have been different.
Some would argue in this regard that their preferences never change. In reality their likes and dislikes never change. Our behavior in terms of our actions is always based on our preferences. What we choose, we go for it, and that is our priority, likeness and selection at that time. Our preferences reflect our true nature. Others preferences reflect their true nature. Your preferences reflect your true nature. Yes, the preferences keep on changing, but they describe what you are – not you.
You cannot separate your preferences from time boundaries as well. Alternatives change with the time –so too preferences. Today you prefer Honda car and tomorrow you will be going to Toyota. Today you are having HP laptop and tomorrow you would prefer Toshiba. Thus, your preferences are strictly associated with the alternatives available at some specific time. Analyze them fully and your partner’s to some extent and cool down. Your half of the problems must be resolved at this point. The rest ones should not take long if they are based on preferential contradictions.
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Watering Your Seed Of Love Blindly Is Equal To Digging Your Grave

Love is a blessing, a virtue, a diamond, a star, a flower, anything you love, you love. No one can dictate you what you need to love. Love is your personal choice. Your identity your personal trait. You are always right in loving something, someone or any abstract concept. You are the owner of your love. Even in the worst times of life, you cannot stop loving someone you love. Love remains in your heart so it will not affect your day to day life, it will not affect your attitudes, it will not change your behavior, it will not even make you conscious of your feelings of your love. Love is so much more reliable and valid like your prayers – like your heart.

In spite of all of your perfect and precious love, I tell you, you love first and define later. Your love is always biased. Your love is always fair and right. Your love is always good for you. Your love is always adorable and high.

Your love is almost settled in your teen years. You are programmed to love, according to the teachings of your parents, culture, society and education at large. After your teen- age, you only defend your love and find reasons. You love first, then prove why you love. You first decide who is your love and then prove why you love that particular body. First, you choose whom you love and then argue in favor of or against that person.

For example, you love your mother first, then you find particular traits in her and say you love your mother due to such traits. So even you are not aware of your unconscious feelings of love for your mother. Similarly, you love your children first, then argue about your love that is already there. Certainly it will be true for all of your loving attitudes. You will not realize that you do not choose anything due to its qualities, attributes or traits rather you choose something due to your first belief of love for it. When you decide it is good, you go for it and it proves good to you. When you decide it is bad for you, then you convince yourself by arguments that the thing is not worth loving.

In contrast, when you find something new in your life, you again try to reach to the conclusion and resolve it on your first experience with it. You decide once for all what is that: loving or ugly. Whatever you decide, usually you do not go against it later on. This is human nature.

For some special matters, we change our opinions of love after not getting the expected response and if consistently we face unexpected reactions for a long time, then we ultimately are forced to change our opinion about love. Thus we settle down to another conviction and again start defending it by our heart and soul for a fairly long time. Here it is important to note that the more tension between our belief of love and our contrasted experiences is, the worst we would feel. So the beliefs of love are not wrong but when they prove wrong, they hurt us. As beliefs always come first, we should be very careful in progressing them with great heart work. Again the more stronger they are, the more damage they might bring to us.

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Morality From Culture To Culture

When I search for humanity in literature, it usually comes with broad perspectives about the products like truth, honesty, empathy, selflessness, sincerity, and all other things related to these. Although these are not wrong perceptions about humanity, but we need a clear and concise concept about each of it in this complex era. For example, for truth, it must be clear what to say in a particular circumstance, whom to say truth, how to deliver it, when to deliver it and other related precise details. Sometimes, one single truth may take a  person’s life and alternatively that truth may also save someone’s life. The same is true with other phenomena. We are for many times not sure about the reality of our morality or we are not trained in that sense that is why we miss many expressions of it.

We simply apply the morality, what we think morality is. In some cultures, respect is something related to standing up in front of others (like in Pakistan) while in others respect is something related to doing what is required (like in China). Similarly, in some cultures, asking for help is not respectable (in some parts of India) while in others it is the most convenient way to live (in UK). Nevertheless, in some places, one should take care of others’ likes and dislikes with the exchange of highly valuable gifts (like in Pakistan) while in others one must give someone (as a gift) what he /she likes for him/her self (sender)  plus it could be anything from a feather to a house (like Arab countries). There are a thousand examples to quote in this regard that prove that we address morality according to our own cultural, religious and personal needs.

Similarly, there are certain things in one culture that are thought as normal while in others are simply rude. For example, in one culture guests may be refused politely if you are busy (like in the UK), while in another one, guests simply cannot be refused or we will become rude. Like in Pakistan and India, guest cannot be refused at any time, for any cause. It is not polite to refuse them. Likewise, in some cultures, one must not enter others personal space while in others this is being proud, antisocial, and unfriendly. When we compare the rights and duties of women and men in different cultures of the world, we will find huge differences of different kinds. In short, whatever is your culture, you will feel that way and judge others accordingly.

When we define our morality according to our needs, we must respect others moral values as they are too according to their needs. However, there is a very delicate line between what is a cultural thing and a criminal thing. For example, in one culture, marriages are more about businesses whereas in others a marriage is a sacred entity and is more about religion. In some cultures, women are not treated equally like men and they need to know more about morality than men. In such cultures, girls have no right to ask about their status or should not expect the same status like boys. Their moral values vary for each section of the society and morality means total slavery of the poor class to the rich class/bosses/owners. From these examples, one must think what kind of cultures are these? Are they carrying up some values or criminal acts in the name of cultural beauties?

Thus, to take care of someone’s culture when you know it is not worth taking care, is more about harming him/her than benefiting. Whenever we encounter something dangerous, alarming, negative, in the name of morality, we must not obey, irrespective of its origin or root cause. We must obey the moral rules that are in the interest of humanity overall. If there is any rule that is neither harming anyone nor benefiting, then it is up to us to follow it or not to follow. We, being the best judge, can set a moral guideline for us and others that proves best or we can choose to adapt (already set world criteria of being human) otherwise.