Perceptions and Aspirations

The Richest Mother Of The World!

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“Yesterday was my birthday. I was not very happy on this incident as I have been living a poor life throughout my 40 years and never got what I wanted happily! My son for the first time recognized that it was his mother’s birthday. He wanted to celebrate it like we always celebrate his birthday! He wanted to buy balloons, cake of course, candle, card, gifts, and many more. He went to Tesco with me and chose a beautiful cake of his own choice after spending hours in decision making………. I said you can buy a toy of your own choice and leave the cake, if you wish. He thought for a while and then said, ‘NO – I want to celebrate your birthday today’. Then he looked forward to buy some gifts for me …..he thought he could buy all for his Mom! I said, ‘we have no money to buy such expensive gifts’. He seemed upset and annoyed. Then I told him that he could make a choice between this to this range of money and he was cheerful again. It seemed that he wanted to give me something beautiful – but of his own choice. He was so passionate for buying something for his Mom – something unique, lovely and beautiful that he never looked on the price mark. Actually he wanted to give me a surprise but due to his age, he could not purchase something independently. He felt quite helpless in making a choice of gift to me, in front of me. Anyhow, after having a long discussion about price and the product; we bought a cake and a gift together. The price of the gift was the lowest of all other things in the market. I felt as if I got all whatever was available to choose from, with no thirst at all; rather a fulfillment and peace. I felt I was the happiest mother of the world at that moment. My all desires went off and I was grateful to my son for his true and loving feelings (gifts) for me. That’s all”.  She was so excited in saying this all to me ………….

The above story is not a story of a poor woman and her poor son. It is a story of passion and love when you do not have a single penny in your pocket to express it. It is a story of human feelings that are above all other materialistic things, we wish to achieve. It is a story of a little angel who expressed his love and great passion on the time of his mother’s birthday – even though he knew that he had not a single penny in his pocket (or his mother cannot afford any expensive gift).  This story tells us that we need to convey our love and feelings to our beloved ones, even if we cannot afford to. We know materialistic things will never fulfill one’s quest for love and belongings; however we never express how much we want to spend (if we have resources) in order to express our true love and passion to others. Precisely, for people who want to cheat their partners through wrong excuses and details; only feelings will not work at all.

To conclude, if you love someone and cannot afford an expensive gift for her or him, just express those feelings in simple words. Your message will be conveyed and very much adored too if the other person is your true love (soul mate). However, not all people think alike. We need pure people to express pure feelings – we need little angels to express tranquility and gratitude.  In addition to that we need to help our children to make choices wisely and teach them how to react passionately and adorably.

Thanks

In how many ways you can Hurt others?

For the people who just don’t know how to behave badly; for the people who cannot think of taking revenge from their enemies; for the people who are not so much daring to declare their attitude in front of others; for the people who are not capable of saving their selves from their fellows; and for the people who want to give lessons to their rivals but just cannot!

It is hard for good people to become bad; it is also hard for them to behave rudely with anyone (friend or enemy). Such personalities just do not know how to do that wrong thing. They are not capable of doing bad or wrong things. They feel hurt inside and take revenge from their enemies in dreams. They are not brave enough or they are too shy to show their attitude. But they are disturbed inside and that disturbance becomes their constant stress.

So if you are one of those people; pl note the following things and try one of them to see the results. Hope you will get some relief out of even reading such tips:

  1. Do not make eye contact with your enemy; it will hurt them severely.
  2. Never start the conversation from your side. Wait until they start speaking. Wait and wait. It will hurt them a lot.
  3. Keep/look yourself busy; especially when you are sitting with your enemies. You can use mobile net or tablet for keeping yourself busy.
  4. Keep your appearance a tidy one. Your grace will kill them!
  5. Keep smiling and think about your friends when you are in your rival’s company. You can talk with your friends on phone at that particular moment to get some confidence.
  6. If you are a mother or father of a child; then engage with your child actively at the time your enemy is around.
  7. Simply leave the place for any good excuse and get rid of the situation you do not like at all.
  8. It is usually better not to invite them in your house or not to go to their home as well. Instead arrange a party in some other place to meat each other ( if it is very necessary).
  9. They are like barking dogs; you cannot stop them but can avoid them by silently passing by them.
  10. Such relationships are like wealth found in the commode that you neither can pick up nor can ignore. You have to look at and leave it there as it is! You do not even need to bother about them! Or they are like shit (in the form of persons) found in your toilet that need to be flushed (from your memory). In any case you have to deal with it – there is no other way out.

The severe mistakes you need to avoid in such cases are:

  1. You being their friends, try to pretend good
  2. When you over react and smile and maintain eye contact!
  3. When you invite them to your home or go to visit them for humanity sake!
  4. When you expect them to be as good as you!
  5. When you hope they will change and become nice to you!
  6. When you spend time, money and energy on them!
  7. When you become overly nice in front of them!
  8. When you start doing things for them!
  9. When you ignore their mistakes and think they will never happen again!

So please avoid the mistakes mentioned above- usually people do in maintaining close relationships. Decide once what you want to do and then act wisely. It is better to perceive the situation earlier than keeping regret for the whole life! Exceptions are always there so be wise and vigilant for the actions you are supposed to take in any particularly worse situation!

What is your equation of Happiness?

2 +2 = 4

1+1+1+1= 4

3+1 + 4

5- 1 + 4

And many other equations would result into a 4 .  The number ‘4’ stands for what? Suppose it stands for your happiness; then which equation will suit you? If I write the same equations in another form, will it be better understood- Let’s see

Wealth + rich relationship = happiness

Spending + Income + parents+ friends = happiness

Sound, wealthy, rich background + health = happiness

(Educated, rich, healthy, liberal family with some abuses) – abuses = happiness

Your equation of ‘happiness’ might be one of the above equations, or it could be completely different from what I have suggested.

Not only this, you might give different weight to different aspects that would eventually define your happiness. For example,

50% wealth + 50% rich relationship = 100% happiness

30%spending+ 30%income+ 20%parents+ 20%friends = happiness

70% sound wealthy rich background + 30% friends = happiness

10 % educated wealthy rich liberal family without  90% abuses = happiness

Thus it depends on you how much weight or importance you give to your ingredients that form a full picture of happiness for you.

Never the less, it also depends on the right time. You get all well when it is according to the right situation; otherwise it will not be equal to true happiness. Astonishingly, for most of the time, we are not aware of our true equation of happiness; rather we only know when we are happy and when we aren’t. We cannot define our feelings and justify them properly.

If the above is true, you could well imagine how similar you and your friends definitions of the concepts ( HAPPINESS, LOVE, PEACE, HEALTH, WEALTH, COMFORT, CRAZY, FRIENDS, SOUL MATE, SELFISH, HELPFUL, NICE, ROMANTIC, PLEASANT, ANNOYING, IRRITATING, HATERED, STUPIDITY, SHARING, CARING, ETC.) could be!

Do You Feel Compelled To Do That?

What if you feel compelled to do something you don’t like?

What if you are bound to act in a certain way- you don’t want to?

What if you feel like to stop but can’t do it due to your circumstances?

What if you are not free to wear what you like to?

What if you can’t eat what you want to?

What if you can’t enjoy something you passionately want to?

There are countless things like the above that create depressive symptoms among us when we simply do not want to do that and we have to do that due to our so called limitations and circumstances. In such cases, psychologists have no option except to change your belief system. They would try to motivate you to see other angles of the problem rather than that you do not want to. However, it is not as simple as it seems- it deserves a hard work on your part to recreate a new building on the old remnants.

Suppose your spouse or boss likes you to wear red color in the party and you do not feel confident in doing so. Your perception of red color is not so good. You think it will look odd, funny and hot! You think this is not a better choice in any case. Your image would be spoiled among the public if you try it. So whatever is the reason; you are not willing to wear it to feel good, confident and attractive in the party. Now you have the following options to follow:

1.   Wear the red color as dictated by your boss and feel ashamed all the time.

2.   Do not wear the red color at all and make the boss angry.

3.    Wear something like half red and half blue or any other combination

4.    Wear red with confidence, pride, and pleasant feelings.

Suppose you choose option no 1.

It will make you vulnerable to depression, anxiety and stress symptoms afterwards.

Suppose you choose option no 2.

It will make your boss angry and you might get a challenging situation ahead. However, this option will make you strong, energetic and persistent in your choice and help you in dealing with similar situations in future.

Suppose you choose option no 3.

It will neither satisfy you nor your boss fully. However, there are chances that you too will pass the required time with great patience and will not disturb each other. However, this choice is the middle way that most of us adopt to lead our lives with caution and intellect.

Suppose you choose option no 4.

For the last and fourth choice, you must acknowledge the fact that your perception is wrong and you have to change it to see the desired results; otherwise you will have to make a compromise (that you do not want at all).

Now to change the perception of the red color is in itself a great deal. You have to remind yourself about the new, positive, and great impressions of the red color. For example:

1. Red is a color of life

2.Red is a color of luck in many countries of the world like china.

3.Red is a color of passion and love in psychology

4. Red is a color of energy and passion

If you are convinced about the new meanings of the color red; you will be the first person to choose red at first choice given to you. It will change your mindset, perception, and belief about the red color forever.

This technique is not limited to only ‘red-color’ ; rather it includes almost all the belief-based mental structures that provide great hindrances in our way towards the progress in work and psychological well being overall.

However, some beliefs or concepts, particularly those, based on religious teachings and cultural settings are too rigid to replace with other beliefs. And in most of the cases, we personally do not want to change them at any cost. In that case, it is more advisable to leave the situation that puts you in trouble of guilt and misery. We can fight with all kinds of troubles, hardships and mind-sets except a totally contradictory and challenging perceptual world.

Thanks

Thanks For Your Feedback-I Am Greatly Honored

This word is usually used in researches where we are more interested in taking feedback from our participants. Some researchers use the feedback as an integral part of their whole work and keep it as original as it could be. Then, in today’s modern world, many online businesses need their customers’ feedback to improve their products and to progress in the right direction. Rather, it has become an integral part of each business online, so much so, many businesses flourish successfully only due to a continuous positive high, and consistent feedback from customers like eBay, Amazon and many others.

To see the definition of feedback please check the link below:

http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/feedback.html

It states that “the process in which the effect or output of an action is returned (fed-back) to modify the next action. Feedback is essential to the working and survival of all regulatory mechanisms found throughout living and non-living nature, and in man-made systems such as education system and economy. As a two-way flow, feedback is inherent to all interactions, whether human-to-human, human-to-machine or machine-to-machine.”

When we use the feedback in an educational setup we usually call it reinforcement (positive and negative) that strengthens the behavior of students and modify the behavioral constructs. For example: Good grades, medals, stars, label, honorary remarks, titles and sometimes monetary benefits such as gifts, scholarships and free memberships. All are being used as a kind of reinforcer to encourage the students to learn more in the most productive manner and continue with the learning process.

However, my focus is on our emotional life which lacks feedback seriously, and keeps us from growing in rich relationships. We ask for help, get help and say thank- nothing more. We discuss ideas and concepts with friends and colleagues, get a relevant one to apply for, get the desired results and never return to those friends to say what they have said has physically been implemented by you. We go to see someone or invite someone, meet passionately and enjoy the company a lot, say, ‘see you soon’, and never call back to say how we felt in the last few days! We usually forget about the most important part of the relationship-Feedback.

Realistically, it could be anything from a simple, ‘thanks’, ‘gesture’, ‘expression’  to a nice compliment. However, in the long lasting relationships (intimate partners, parent-child, siblings, relatives, friends), it should be more than that. Consider the following statements:

What you did to me was awesome indeed………..

  1. I found the gift a superb one that could fulfill……
  2. I tried your idea and it helped me a lot in completing……
  3. Last night your dress was too elegant and graceful to make me…
  4. I am still thinking about the way you were doing that….
  5. How did you do that? It was fantastic and unbelievable…

Conclusively, usually we say ‘thanks’ for most of the time yet forget the afterward feedback required that is an additional ‘thanks’ in the form of a nice compliment after utilizing someone’s gift, idea, or after any shared delightful charitable experience. On the contrary, when we are reminded about our mindful gifts, thoughtful ideas, concerned suggestions, great company, sweet nature, nice habits, creativity, intelligence, beauty, simplicity, trustworthiness, spontaneity, and other relevant traits; we are much pleased for such a recognition and great concern. So keep it up please!

Perfect Cry

Crying means a lot: biologically it is a part of our bodily needs-shedding tears are good for our health once in a blue moon. Men and women both cry sometimes in their life. Crying in children is very common thing as we all are aware of the fact. Little babies cry even before they start talking or could convey their emotions through words. Crying is the very basic human instinct- we do not need to think about it, we just cry when we need it.

Crying is helpful if we cry at the right time. Suppose we want to save someone’s or our life and we cry at the right time. Suppose we are in trouble and cry with pain to release the pressure and feel better. Suppose you cry before your exams for the fear of failure, trial, inquiry, a judgment or before facing some challenging situation in life. You can also cry for the marks, favors, benefits, or whatever you desire in life.

We all know the importance of happiness in life, yet rarely think about the benefits of crying. You know you cry because you have to be happy after that. We are lucky to feel a little low to regain the energy and spirit in life. This is the cycle of life: each night brings back the day, sorrow brings a new joy, and each death is replaced by a new spirit. Although the mathematics is according to the set rules and formulas, yet the mystery is not revealed.

Nevertheless, your cry is the special element in the process of healing, cognitive therapies, counseling, and even in self-help procedures. When you feel sorry, guilty, or torn apart, you are more worried about your troubles than required. Your psychologist would let you decide what to do in this case. You do not need to cry this much! Your cry should elevate your spirits, collect your low energies and make you strong enough to take a step ahead for your survival and existence in the manner it should be; therefore you must motivate yourself to cry more to take a step towards success and happiness. Your cry would save the world from destruction, abuse and hate; if it is for the great cause of peace, humanity and happiness. Cry it self would declare you as a human, with a caring heart and kind soul.

Mother Nature: Compelling or Compassionate! 

Once upon a time, in the city of Bathgate, Scotland, a full term pregnant girl, poorly dressed, was walking around the streets of the city aimlessly, carelessly but with great passion. She was quite educated, but no work at that very moment had put her in the most vulnerable situation. She had not a single penny in her bag to buy something for her future child. Even then she was selecting things for her child and enjoying window-shopping every day. Once she selected a white snow suit for her child- that she would never be able to buy in her entire life. Even then she had a glimpse of it each day!

One day I was roaming around, and then suddenly I saw the same girl looking for something from the Black Bin box for ages. I thought she was stealing something from that bin box. I followed her and quietly watched her being curious to find what the hell is she looking into that bin!

You know that she was searching for some soft toys in the bin and putting them into her bag with a great sense of achievement!  It seemed as if she wanted to buy them, but could not afford it due to her poverty and lack. She just could not resist the urge!

On inquiry, she told me she had never experienced such a feeling in her entire life. She could live without money, clothing, shoes, bags, rings or whatsoever – but this time surprisingly, she felt much compelled by the thought of toys for her child that could not resist the temptation! At that moment, I felt as if she is no more a woman- rather a mother! Her nature is Mother Nature!

Thanks

The Approach: Half Glass Full

Today I was thinking about one situation and many observations at the same time.

Have you ever considered that the situation you are in, seems a heaven to others belong to you. Or the opposite: you dream a life that others are living with a heavy heart. This is because we are looking at us with the negative mindset and others with a prejudice mind. The people we wish to be alike must have their own dreams, aspirations, hopes, desires, and wishes to come true. This is an example of contradictory angles of thinking about others and our lives!

Although it seems very simple to become positive, realistic and as much natural as possible, but it is not that simple to apply in our real life with faith and honesty. Let’s take an example in this regard:

Mother is teaching her child and the child is no more interested in reading or writing (reason whatsoever). Mother is insisting on her to be serious in the study. The child is annoyed and messy and rude to some extent. In the mean time, she attends a call and on the inquiry, replies that:

My child is being stubborn and is not behaving any more………..

My child is making me angry and not doing the homework properly…

My child is creating fuss between me and her…..

My child is just like her father – the same rigidity in behavior

My child is very intelligent; never concentrates on one thing at a time….

My child is really hyper and behaves like an adult……… wow

My child is playing with me……………

My child is too naughty and rigid …

My child becomes bore at home,,,,,,,

My child is missing her father, that’s why doing silly things….

My child is feeling lonely, so could not study with motivation….

My child is just like me, never takes the study seriously,,,,,

My child behaves like a scientist who never liked doing homework at home….

My child is just a pain in my ass………………..

You can see different women express the same childish behavior differently, in a different mood, with different strength, and with different intentions. In fact, our mood depends on things like:

Where we are living and what our immediate environment is

Whom we are talking with.

What we want to share at that particular time…

What we want for our children in the future….

How we protect our children…

How we spoil our children…..

How much stressful we are…..

How much in peace, we are….

What is our education level…..

What is our educational background…..

There could be any reason behind our mood; yet it heavily targets our children. In the above situation, the reply that reflects that you are trying to teach your child and she is not in the mood yet would be sufficient. The child should understand that she needs to behave properly to learn. If you are tired of the efforts being made for your child, take a break! Do not overemphasize the situation to make you vulnerable to stress, anxiety and depression in the end!

The same is true with other relationships: husband and wife, between siblings, among relatives, between friends, between boss and employee, and between God and us. In each situation, we need to learn how can we describe the situation positively and meaningfully instead of making it a deal for others. We can approach any event of our life with a big smile and great attitude; otherwise our negativity and ignorance would make our life miserable and vulnerable.

Thanks

Evil Customs Encourage Crimes!

Customs are very much respected in the world, whether it is European culture or Asian traditional culture. They look beautiful and people maintain them for the sanctity of their feelings and for the respect of their culture overall. We also experience customs in our life in one way or the other. Like everyone else, we never question our customs; unless it is a real curse for the society. For many times, we overlook and continue with our lives while sharing customs with others. Life continues with peace and love.

However, in some of the societies of this world, there are some customs that prove unhealthy, harmful and crime. They are not beneficial and beautiful rather life threatening and ugly. Among these many dreadful customs, one is, ‘Rukhsati’ for the women; a custom that is very popular among Indian and Pakistanis. It is still in practice with great respect and love. You can just Google the word ‘Rukhsati’ and see the relevant pictures to get some idea.

As per Wikipedia definition, this is a somber occasion for the bride’s parents as they are departing their daughter from their home. It becomes an emotional scene when the bride says goodbye to her parents home and siblings to start a new life. See the whole definition. 1

This definition is not the complete interpretations of the concept that very systematically and unconsciously destroy a girls emotional and physical health. From the above definition, you might inquire the following:

a. Why is it a somber occasion?

b. Why is it an emotional scene?

c. Why do the girls say farewell to the home of her parents?

The answer is not very simple and state. A girl is constantly reminded in life about her ‘guestish’ (temporary) status  in her parents home. When a baby girl is born, parents either cry with anguish, pain, or wish the baby should have great luck and blessings in her life. Parents think the baby girls is a responsibility to bring her up with care and education to hand it over to the groom and say goodbye.

When a girl among her siblings behaves like a boy, parents usually remind her of her temporary status with them and say, ” how will you fulfill your desires in in-laws house where you have to spend your whole life”.

The concept of ‘rukhsati’ makes the girl think about her future home combined with future husband along with future parents (in-laws). She usually feels sorry for leaving her parents behind to get married. Sometimes it makes her uncomfortable, depress and vulnerable to certain disorders like moody, hyper sensitive, obsessive compulsive, social anxiety, depression, eating disorder, sleep disorder and many others.

When a girl actually marries; she is ready to go for it or die. She knows she is leaving her home forever or would come back with great guilt, bad luck and torture. Therefore, she is ready to sacrifice, obedience and face the challenges of life for that she is unknown still. Her mental and emotional state is weak and vulnerable!

The after marriage experiences depend on largely groom’s own personal characteristics. In the patriarchal society of Pakistan and India, man is very much dominated in home affairs. He decides about most of his life matters independently while keeping women (wives mostly) totally separate from his financial matters. When a girl becomes a wife, her husband along with his family members expects from the girls total obedience in terms of doing house chores, going out and about, getting jobs, and other trivial matters.

There could be a difference of opinion on this among families; as some educated families treat women with respect and love. However, it is common wisdom that wives will not Live in their parents’ home (being a great crime) in any situation in life.Mostly wives suffer many kinds of abuses: emotional abuse, verbal abuse, financial abuse, attitude abuse, physical abuse, and many more. Ironically, they do not accept it being an abuse victim until the day of death. They simply think they must be having some weak aspects of personality to deal with. They blame themselves and never talk about their rights.

You might think it is not the case with everyone; yet it is also true that the women in such cultures observe the custom ‘rukhsati’ with heart and soul to make them and their daughter’s life miserable and vulnerable!

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_Pakistan#Rukhsati

Same Perspective Is Never The Same!

You know it is never the same ‘feeling’-

When you are going to pick a glass of water for someone

When you are going to pick a glass of water for yourself

When you are going to pick a glass of water in order to obey

When you are going to pick a glass of water under pressure (of your or your loved one’s health)

When you are going to pick a glass of water with great passion

When you are going to pick a glass of water to fill your need of great thirst

When you are going to pick a glass of water for your kid

When you are going to pick a glass of water for your enemy

When you are going to pick a glass of water to help someone in need

And whatever you could think in this regard.

Your feelings would bring a different vibration level for each event and it would never be the same. This rule applies to our each and every thing we do, feel, or think. We definitely feel different when we change the perspective. We perform the same task differently when the background has changed in our minds. We are doing the same thing; yet in a different way, with a different feeling, and with a different output too.  For outsiders, we are doing the same, but for a psychologist, it always depends on many things.

However, in our daily routine life, we share our feelings and argue with our friends on the similar tasks. We compare ourselves with others in terms of their results, feedback or emotions. We think we all are doing the same things, so the same results should occur. We never consider the perspective underneath someone is performing a special task.

This is not very simple to comprehend. Suppose for one person, love affairs are part of life and carry only 10% of importance in his/her heart. For another one, love affairs are life pyramids and one just cannot live a happy life without having a loving partner. For him/her, love carries 99% importance in life. Therefore, the phrase, ‘I love you’ would not carry the same meaning for these two individuals. In the same manner, when you see someone saying so and so, you think as if it is your perspective whereas it could be totally different from you. You will only translate the words in your brain as per your own dictionary, whereas, the other person might carry a different meaning with different perspective/standard for the same opinion.

When you get the disparity between our feelings, emotions, and sayings, you will never get hurt or surprised in your life. You will never believe on other persons verbal wordings, sayings, promises, or affirmations or you will believe on it with caution and care. In this way you will not only understand yourself rather would not misunderstand the other one.

Good Luck.