My Reflection

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When a girl is born in the UK, her parents welcome the child with flowers of love, care, and unconditional affection. Girl daughters feel very proud of being a daughter and start their life with great confidence and motivation. They are pleasantly taught about the rules of life in which they are expected to be educated as much as possible, to achieve a career to their satisfaction, and to live a happy life ever after. They are taught about the freedom they will enjoy in their life; they are taught about their rights ( right to move, right to dress-up, right to marry, right to re-marry, right to divorce, right to have kids’ custody, right to speak about their love and interests, right to save their life, right to leave a bad person’s company, right to live alone, right to speak for their rights, right to call police in time of danger, right to excel, right to live as per their wish). Girls are always their parent’s daughters like sons: no discrimination at all. Girls enjoy the same lifestyle as their brothers keep rather they are more valued and honored. Parents spend more on little girls and let them enjoy the games like judo, karate, gymnastic, swimming, boxing, and other skills even when they are 3 or 4 years old. Usually, girls show more energy and flexibility in these games! They are never given any message in which they would be fearful about their future husband, future home or future in-laws! They are never given any idea of ‘leaving home after marriage’, rather they can live forever with their parents if they would like. Girls are more protected in a sense they can live alone after they are grown up. They can choose their partner and get a divorce without having any ‘honor killing’ syndrome. They can very easily shut the door to their husband if he is harassing them or abusing them in any form.  They  are not mentally prepared for the house hold work in future ( for the husband and his family). They are not waiting for the prince to take them to his palace to protect them ( an imaginary theme). They are free to move anywhere in the world with peace of mind and happiness. They are free to choose any profession, any vehicle to travel, and any identity to own. They enjoy the support of their parents, culture, society and the government in each and every field of life. They are very much pampered and loved. 

    It does not mean there is no rape, no sexual or emotional abuse, no threat and no killing in this society. There are still some cases to report and to feel scared; however, they are not as much in quantity as much we ( in Pakistan) could note and publish. In each home of Pakistan, gender discrimination, gender differences, physical and emotional abuses, parental control ( negative )and female child neglect is very much prevalent. A female child starts her life with lots of mixed messages about her female role at home, in society and in her married life. She is supposed to adopt that role in her adult life irrespective of her education or career choices. She is very much forced to think in that particular way in which she is a female, a responsibility to parents, a subject of fear, a figure of special respect, a source of honor, a guest in her parents home, a person who will be living the life of her husband, a person who will leave her parental home for her husband’s home, a person who cannot live alone with respect and honor, a person who is less powerful than a man, a person who would always need a man to protect her, a person who is vulnerable to various traumas, a person who should be caring, loving and serving to others, a weak person and a weak decision maker. 

   

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Thus girls, even from educated and well-established families suffer a lot. They do not enjoy their life as they would if they were born in the UK ( or any other liberal society). They are very much oppressed and suppressed due to societal norms, traditions and customs. They even like those traditions and beliefs as the change would disturb their comfort zone. However, this is not what should continue as many of them are suffering a lot due to these discriminatory acts and thoughts,painful beliefs, cruel customs, horrible traditions, bizarre irregularities, injustices, emotional, physical and sexual abuses. Mostly women who suffer from such traumas in their childhood, are  very much vulnerable to anxieties, depression, and post traumatic stress disorders in their adulthood. So much so, suicidal thoughts are very common among such victims.

    Therefore, I request you ( if you are a parent) to please negate the beliefs that create any discrimination among your kids; ( if you are a girl) fight for your own rights or at least never accept any negative belief; (if you are a victim) speak about it on any forum you could and if you are in any capacity to protect someone you know- please go ahead and bring a change in society.

Thanks

courtesy to Google images

Female Child Abuse in Pakistan​

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Almost every other child in Pakistan is being, physically, mentally, sexually and emotionally severely abused by her own family members. The data is usually not collected and news is never generated for ordinary people. Even if the news is being printed, the case is being registered; there is no output from police or courts. 

People do not check their attitude towards their kids- usually, it is too rigid, harsh and intolerable. They scold them, beat them and even torture them so badly that they feel like to run away from home. Especially for the females, their behavior is never acceptable. The following examples will further elaborate the concept of female abuse in detail: 
a. Most of the parents never welcome a female child – a kind of abuse
b. Parents always expect from female child to take care of siblings and others in terms of house chores and serving food. 
c. The female child is rarely exposed to good education and health needs. 
d. Female Child is always kept home due to security and religious reasons. 
e. The female child is never allowed to play in parks with boys  or alone.
f. the female child is not given skill or technical education. 
g. female child is always exposed to toxic beliefs : such as leaving home after marriage, being obedient to husband; being obedient to in-laws; never ask for her own interests; sacrifice for the family honor; never argue in front of husband; never think of her own income; girls first priority is home; girls should be expert in cooking; girls should not participate in family matters as they have to leave the family one day; girls should not go to markets often; girls should not mix with boys; girls should not speak loudly; sons are better than daughters; and many alike.Some of the beliefs are not bad itself; however, they are used in such a negative way that contribute towards female child abuse very much.  
g. The female child is encouraged to look after her face, body, and dress more than other things (education, career, finance, and security) as she is supposed to win a beauty contest for the future husband. 
h. Some female children are being sold, dropped somewhere or left unattended for being female at home. 
i. Some fathers always blame their wives for giving birth to a female child in front of their daughters. 
j. People offer food to male members first and then females. This applies to other things also. 
k. The females are less likely to be exposed to driving a car, bus or truck. Similarly, she is less likely to shop (any big item that a boy can buy), run a business or have a bank account under parents guidance. As a child, they are never educated to adapt these roles in future. 
L. Parents spend a lot on sons compared to daughters. 
m. The female child is less likely to have friends or enjoy any social circle. 
There are many other restrictions that make a female child less confident, less motivated and less creative. They are never able to lead their own lives and follow their dreams. Rather they always walk on the egg shells with the fear of being homeless, stigmatized or tortured ( in some cases being dead). 
 
Thanks 
Courtesy to google images

Rukhsati in Pakistan (part 3)

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courtesy to google images

 

When things change in the beginning, the whole story of life is changed. When you find the best quality seed, you are sure of a plant with beautiful eye-catching flowers. When you make the base strong and firm, you are sure of the reliability and grandeur of the building. On the opposite note, when your seeds are damaged, abused or rotten; how can they grow up a plant of healthy fruits or flowers? When your base is weak, faulty or below standard, how can you expect a reliable, durable and persistent building in future? Certainly, you are going to suffer a lot if you are not careful and vigilant in the beginning of your child’s life!

Psychologists agree on this fact that your child does not need lots of toys each day; your child does not need lots of games (on iPad or tablet ) every other moment ; and your child does not need lots of interactive activities every other hour or your child does not need to eat lots of food items to stay healthy, to grow into a happy, healthy and strong human being. Rather your child needs your attention(as a parent), responsiveness, and unconditional love more than any other thing. Your child needs a conducive environment where she could learn and enrich her capabilities fully. Your child needs your unbiased and true everlasting care and concern.

When your child listens from you or others about her, ‘ I wish her good luck more than any other thing’, she fears a lot. She starts fearing of unknown, uncertain events and a life without having the support of parents ( in Pakistani society there is no other support available to people generally specially to girls). Her status as a guest is established in her mind at the age of 5 or so. Though she is quite hopeful about her future; however she concentrates on more her future husband than her own particular interests and career. She starts living in dreams (that never come true) and finds comfort in them. This is the lifestyle that society imposes on the child even in the age of toddlerhood!

Nevertheless, girls are very much brainwashed on this issue. When they attend ceremonies, they are properly educated about their future-oriented customs in which one day she will have to leave her paternal home. She is being prepared for the big event! She is often reminded that her education and career do not matter a lot as compared to her cooking, washing, cleaning and other home skills. If she is too good in education; she is often not encouraged to have big dreams ; if she is not good in education, she is often not prepared to get some special skills to earn her living. In both cases, her status is not more than a pretty girl who is looking for a well educated, smart and strong husband. Her education is a mean to achieve this dream, not the ultimate goal.

The parents usually take charge of the marriage of their daughters and take them as a burden if for any reason, they cannot find a suitable groom for them in time. Therefore, girls have the right to live with their parents only until they are married; otherwise, they will only be accommodated with half heart! Even divorced, widows, or separated women face lots of discrimination while staying in their parent’s home after marriage.

The husbands and in-laws know very well that the daughter in law has no option left in case of separation or divorce. They with their heart and soul exploit their daughter in law and wife in most of the cases. This very homelessness ( no support from parents) make the girls do sacrifice, tolerate, and patiently face abuses of all types until death! The level of pain might be different and vary from person to person; however it is still there in the hearts of girls forever. Many times such feelings are so unconsciously and silently penetrated that no one blames on anyone!

 

 

 

Stop Abusing Your Kids!

Abuse is a wide term that can start from a little humiliating joke to threatening a person to death. Every individual perceive it differently and silently! However, a general rule of thumb is that it is some feeling that you bear out of being abused from someone you know. Parents are not free from this kind of allegation as some of us definitely abuse their children. How can a parent abuse his child? There are many ways to abuse a child in which some are
being short listed below:

a. When a parent deliberately ignores his child’s needs such as cleaning, washing, feeding, cuddling and teaching..
b. When you see a child in danger and do not react in the best possible way to help the child whether it is your or someone else’s.
c. When you teach your child how to harm others, how to tell a lie, how to create fuss or how to make mess- you are abusing her.
d. When you do not stop your child from being aggressive, being crazy, being obsessive, or from being selfish. In each case, it is your duty as a parent to teach your child about her possible negative behavioral consequences.
e. When you teach your child about wrong, negative and harmful traditions of your society. Your child is not supposed to fulfill demands of society’s unhealthy and cruel traditions if there are any.
f. When you do not give your child a sense of confidence that she could share her feelings with you; you are abusing her. She will not feel secure unless you make her feel secure by your behavior and verbal assurance.
g. When you leave your child in a stressful situation to punish her. It is also a kind of abuse if your child is innocent and not getting what you mean.
h. When you force your child to sit with people she does not like or when you force your child to talk to people she does not like to talk to. You are not supposed to force your child to do anything unless her safety and security is compromised in doing so.
i. When you leave your child with others whom you are not sure if they would provide enough care to your child.
j. When you threat your child to leave her alone or any other kind of threat!

These are all passive abusive behaviors that most of the parents unconsciously adapt. It is always good to see our attitude in terms of abusive language; sometimes we can modify our role and become a good parent!

Which comes first: Processing or Perception

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Courtesy to Google Images

When you talk about your mother or father, do you honestly, being truly unbiased, evaluate your parents personalities? You must be thinking ‘yes’ and you might be truly evaluating your parents! Almost everybody evaluates truly and mostly love their parents based on their true evaluations. So it means all parents are perfect, loving, adorable and charming from every angle. NO. This is not true. We love our parents’ personalities because we love them first. We hardly see their negative personality traits or we do not wish to see those negative traits or we think those negative traits are positive indeed! In each aspect, first, we fall in love with them then start evaluating if we have to.  Nevertheless, most, among us never dare to evaluate their parents’ behavior- never ever. Everybody seems to love the parents whatever their personality types are. We are used to them as they are. We love to see them as they are. We are used to take whatever they cook and we love/prefer that food in that particular taste. We think that taste is great; however that taste is not great itself. We have just been accustomed to it since long.

The same is true with our kids. We love them so much that we could not find negativity in them. It is really a hard work to point out negative traits in our kids. Rather we unconsciously try to find positive personality traits among them. We love them so much that we try to prove our love is true and based on true facts. We are not ready to listen against our kids from someone else. We first love our kids then evaluate their personalities accordingly. In other words, we first make our mind for our kids that they are, loving, beautiful, sweet and innocent then try to figure out other traits. We would rarely believe that our kids are not, what we think they are. Though each of us thinks that he or she is very honest and true in evaluating their kids’ personalities but, in fact it is not the case. If it were true, then in this world, all children would carry positive traits. In short, we, being parents, fall in love with our kids and keep on proving our love for them unconsciously.

The same is true to all our first impressions, first-time beliefs, and first imprints on our brain for whatever we see, analyze or perceive. First we love or hate and then we start proving our feeling. First we make our mind, and then we start evaluating. First we make friends, then, we convince ourselves and others that they are of good nature and with great human traits. It is not the other way round. We unconsciously remain stick to our likeness/dislikeness and try to convince others that it is based on true evaluation. In fact, it is never proved scientifically.

You go to watch a movie where the cinema hall is fully booked. You see people talking about the same movie with different arguments, comments, and reflections. Some would like to criticize the story, some would describe characters (acting) more, some would appreciate background effect, some would talk about songs beauty, some would even discuss the scenes, some would love/hate the photography, some would be more interested in romantic stuff of that movie; and some would argue about the end or start of the story. So the thousand different minds would interpret the same item in thousand different ways. The movie would remain the same; however the perception of that movie would differ from mind to mind. Now in place of movie, you think you are there as a person. Can you imagine in how many ways, people would like to interpret your personality? You can well imagine that. Whom would you believe first? And what should you believe?

We usually believe the opinion of the person closer to us in blood relations then go for others. The closer the relationship is, the more likely we are going to believe him or her. Here again first we decide whom opinion matters to us, then, we listen to the opinion. It is not the other way round. We do not analyze the opinions of others about us in an objective manner. We listen what we want to listen. We see what we want to see. We are quite good at it. For example, a child needs reassurance for her actions, first from her parents, and then from her teachers and others. It is less likely that our parents are satisfied with our actions and we are looking forward to others for the approval. However, it might happen in rare circumstances (will discuss at another time).

Empathy is a good quality. It means to understand the other person’s feelings from within his frame of reference. However, it rarely happens. We usually help others in the matters we think they would need help while mirroring ourselves first. First we assume what we like or dislike and based on it, decide what others would like and dislike. In other words, we are empathetic only for those traits we are convinced to be empathetic for, not in all matters of life objectively. We value and realize others those ‘problems’ we consider ‘problems’ for ourselves. Our empathy is not for everyone; rather it is only for those whom we love/relate first. We do not feel empathetic for everyone standing outside anonymously. It is especially true when we judge our empathetic self for our rivals. We are no more empathetic for the people we dislike first! Though in rare cases, we can be quite selfless till the level of real empathy (a topic not to discuss here).

To conclude, we perceive, love, hate, or make some belief about someone we meet for the first time in life. Then we react, analyze, evaluate, and behave accordingly. Then we keep on proving our first impression unconsciously and secretly. In addition to that, it is too deep rooted to change the first conceptual image of the other person whether it is your mother, father, friend, or even your own self- image. We are simply not in the position of changing our first conceptual blueprints on our brains. Though, we can change its density in terms of valence, usability, and effectiveness. We can ignore it till the level we forget it; however, it is next to impossible to impartially evaluate it in its true sense. In short, we cannot examine our brains objectively while keeping our emotions along with/inside. We have to perceive first, see first, listen first, and then process the information. We have to realize, touch and feel first and then try to communicate/evaluate. Like a PC that downloads the software first and then start acting on it, we are bound to feel first and then think about!

The Richest Mother Of The World!

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“Yesterday was my birthday. I was not very happy on this incident as I have been living a poor life throughout my 40 years and never got what I wanted happily! My son for the first time recognized that it was his mother’s birthday. He wanted to celebrate it like we always celebrate his birthday! He wanted to buy balloons, cake of course, candle, card, gifts, and many more. He went to Tesco with me and chose a beautiful cake of his own choice after spending hours in decision making………. I said you can buy a toy of your own choice and leave the cake, if you wish. He thought for a while and then said, ‘NO – I want to celebrate your birthday today’. Then he looked forward to buy some gifts for me …..he thought he could buy all for his Mom! I said, ‘we have no money to buy such expensive gifts’. He seemed upset and annoyed. Then I told him that he could make a choice between this to this range of money and he was cheerful again. It seemed that he wanted to give me something beautiful – but of his own choice. He was so passionate for buying something for his Mom – something unique, lovely and beautiful that he never looked on the price mark. Actually he wanted to give me a surprise but due to his age, he could not purchase something independently. He felt quite helpless in making a choice of gift to me, in front of me. Anyhow, after having a long discussion about price and the product; we bought a cake and a gift together. The price of the gift was the lowest of all other things in the market. I felt as if I got all whatever was available to choose from, with no thirst at all; rather a fulfillment and peace. I felt I was the happiest mother of the world at that moment. My all desires went off and I was grateful to my son for his true and loving feelings (gifts) for me. That’s all”.  She was so excited in saying this all to me ………….

The above story is not a story of a poor woman and her poor son. It is a story of passion and love when you do not have a single penny in your pocket to express it. It is a story of human feelings that are above all other materialistic things, we wish to achieve. It is a story of a little angel who expressed his love and great passion on the time of his mother’s birthday – even though he knew that he had not a single penny in his pocket (or his mother cannot afford any expensive gift).  This story tells us that we need to convey our love and feelings to our beloved ones, even if we cannot afford to. We know materialistic things will never fulfill one’s quest for love and belongings; however we never express how much we want to spend (if we have resources) in order to express our true love and passion to others. Precisely, for people who want to cheat their partners through wrong excuses and details; only feelings will not work at all.

To conclude, if you love someone and cannot afford an expensive gift for her or him, just express those feelings in simple words. Your message will be conveyed and very much adored too if the other person is your true love (soul mate). However, not all people think alike. We need pure people to express pure feelings – we need little angels to express tranquility and gratitude.  In addition to that we need to help our children to make choices wisely and teach them how to react passionately and adorably.

Thanks

‘How We Live Together’ Defines Our Kids Personalities

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note: courtesy to Google Images

We, being parents, want to give our kids the best of all: education, health, success, happiness and whatever they desire. To gain the goals above, we adapt different strategies and techniques. Some hire classes of different kinds to keep their children fit: yoga, tennis, golf, swimming, gymnastic, foot ball, etc. Some focus on health and provide their kids the best of all kinds of food: apple, oranges, juices, vegetables, pure milk, eggs, honey, etc. Some would allow their kids to play all types of games and movies on their I Pads, tablets, mobile phones and laptops. Some would even go for the most expensive toys to please their kids and fill their brains with lots of happy moments as much as possible. Some would plan vacations for their kids amusement and pleasure-full of Disney land activities! There is no limit to that. Some would go to the library with their kids to make them the most intellectuals of the world- scientists or doctors. Though, these all options contribute towards the well fare of the kids overall healthy development; these are not enough!

We, being a real human being forget the emotional part of the environment. One part is with us in shape of hard materialistic life-style and other one is the emotional background that provide us with our identity about who we are and what we belong to. It is not sufficient to say that we belong to a middle class family or a very religious family or a modern one. The experiences we share on daily basis are more specific and accurate to define our identity. To simplify the situation we can think of the families in which:

  1. Parents respect each other and usually each partner puts the other one’s need ahead of the children needs. Mother is sharing economical burden too, so she is confident and happy inside. Fathers share house hold responsibilities too to maintain an healthy environment. When mother feels good, she reacts nicely towards kids sudden inquiries. Father can get some time everyday for his family and they together spend some quality time each day. So kids get the feeling of harmony, love and unity from their family background.
  2. Parents live together but do not respect each other in front of children. Father deals with wife as if she is a servant and often uses verbally abusive language to degrade her in different ways. Mother is scared of living alone (due to being a stay at tome house wife) so is forcibly living with her husband to keep the family life intact. Mother is quite passionate about her child as if she thinks her children would become her power some day to protect her from her husband. Children get scary feelings from such environment and are quite hesitant to initiate, to ask questions, and to behave appropriately in a social gathering. Their self-esteem is strongly damaged through such environmental experiences.
  3. Parents try to cheat each other in front of children. They take care of children to get the attention of the other partner. They are not involved in the upbringing of their kids wholeheartedly. Parents think that kids are like burden or responsibility so they have to raise them. Parents have their own goals and they keep them higher than other goals including their kids fresh demands/needs. In this environment kids would feel neglected and lonely and would seek for other resources to keep them entertained and happy. They would start thinking of leaving their parents home as early as they grow up due to having no intimate or friendly relationship with their parents.

Similarly, we can define thousand backgrounds that kids come from. These emotional backgrounds shape our kids personalities. Therefore it does not matter what we teach them:  honesty, bravery, or empathy.  What matters is where they come from. We set their environment and they react to it accordingly. Hope this will help someone to understand the kids behaviour and pave a way for someone to alter the way they are living TOGETHER!

Light Lifestyle!

Usually when we talk about the healthy lifestyle; the following comes to our mind:

  1. Eating healthy food in which fruits and vegetables are on the top of the list
  2. Doing exercise that will keep your body fit and active. For example, riding bicycle, walking, running, dancing, and other gym exercises.
  3. Healthy sleep patterns that will boost your energy daily.
  4. Drinking plenty of water to keep your body hydrated and fresh.
  5. The use of Alcohol should not be excessive.
  6. Avoid smoking, drinking unhealthy drinks, and eating unhealthy food.
  7. Avoid unhealthy habits: eating too fast, sacrifice sleep hours for work or any other thing, long watching T.V hours, and others.

One thing that is the most important ingredient in the recipe is the ‘feeling’ that we perceive while doing all of the above mentioned works. We, being human, feel differently all the time and our emotions affect our health strongly. In fact our emotions can play a significant role in bringing ourselves into a healthy lifestyle.

We not only need a healthy food to keep ourselves healthy; rather a cheerful mood to digest it fully in time. We not only need a good exercise plan to keep our bodies fit and strong rather we need a thriving spirit to continue with our plan with heart and soul. Then we can better concentrate and focus as well as keep our selves healthy and strong. Thus,we need a happy mood, elevated emotion, and a warm smile to continue with our busy lifestyle.

When we talk about sleep; we think it is a physical thing to be performed daily on time. Whereas we need a sound, relaxing, deep sleep to make us refreshed and full of energy as compared to long hours sleep that make us dull, lethargic or weak. It means our sleep combined with our fully relaxed mind would bring us lots of benefits of health and healthy lifestyle. The same is true with other healthy habits that we need to adopt. In reality we need to adopt a new healthy lifestyle with great passion, love, peace and feelings. With emotional energy, we can enrich our healthy lifestyle with glow, spirits, and beauties of peace, harmony and satisfaction.

Finally, to add a thriving feature of feeling into your life style; you must have to take the life easy, simple and subtle instead of taking it as a hard, difficult and complex one. It does not mean you should not focus, concentrate or aim at any big object, goal or purpose; rather it means do great things with calm and peace of mind. Be happy, healthy and then do hard work to achieve what you want in life. Be cheerful and pleasant, then take a step towards a healthy lifestyle. Without being emotionally fit, you are not ready to pick the fruits of health even from your set healthy lifestyle routine. Take the life events light, enjoy the little things in life, have fun often, smile for no reason and take long breathes after that, to keep your self healthy!

What is your equation of Happiness?

2 +2 = 4

1+1+1+1= 4

3+1 + 4

5- 1 + 4

And many other equations would result into a 4 .  The number ‘4’ stands for what? Suppose it stands for your happiness; then which equation will suit you? If I write the same equations in another form, will it be better understood- Let’s see

Wealth + rich relationship = happiness

Spending + Income + parents+ friends = happiness

Sound, wealthy, rich background + health = happiness

(Educated, rich, healthy, liberal family with some abuses) – abuses = happiness

Your equation of ‘happiness’ might be one of the above equations, or it could be completely different from what I have suggested.

Not only this, you might give different weight to different aspects that would eventually define your happiness. For example,

50% wealth + 50% rich relationship = 100% happiness

30%spending+ 30%income+ 20%parents+ 20%friends = happiness

70% sound wealthy rich background + 30% friends = happiness

10 % educated wealthy rich liberal family without  90% abuses = happiness

Thus it depends on you how much weight or importance you give to your ingredients that form a full picture of happiness for you.

Never the less, it also depends on the right time. You get all well when it is according to the right situation; otherwise it will not be equal to true happiness. Astonishingly, for most of the time, we are not aware of our true equation of happiness; rather we only know when we are happy and when we aren’t. We cannot define our feelings and justify them properly.

If the above is true, you could well imagine how similar you and your friends definitions of the concepts ( HAPPINESS, LOVE, PEACE, HEALTH, WEALTH, COMFORT, CRAZY, FRIENDS, SOUL MATE, SELFISH, HELPFUL, NICE, ROMANTIC, PLEASANT, ANNOYING, IRRITATING, HATERED, STUPIDITY, SHARING, CARING, ETC.) could be!

Do You Feel Compelled To Do That?

What if you feel compelled to do something you don’t like?

What if you are bound to act in a certain way- you don’t want to?

What if you feel like to stop but can’t do it due to your circumstances?

What if you are not free to wear what you like to?

What if you can’t eat what you want to?

What if you can’t enjoy something you passionately want to?

There are countless things like the above that create depressive symptoms among us when we simply do not want to do that and we have to do that due to our so called limitations and circumstances. In such cases, psychologists have no option except to change your belief system. They would try to motivate you to see other angles of the problem rather than that you do not want to. However, it is not as simple as it seems- it deserves a hard work on your part to recreate a new building on the old remnants.

Suppose your spouse or boss likes you to wear red color in the party and you do not feel confident in doing so. Your perception of red color is not so good. You think it will look odd, funny and hot! You think this is not a better choice in any case. Your image would be spoiled among the public if you try it. So whatever is the reason; you are not willing to wear it to feel good, confident and attractive in the party. Now you have the following options to follow:

1.   Wear the red color as dictated by your boss and feel ashamed all the time.

2.   Do not wear the red color at all and make the boss angry.

3.    Wear something like half red and half blue or any other combination

4.    Wear red with confidence, pride, and pleasant feelings.

Suppose you choose option no 1.

It will make you vulnerable to depression, anxiety and stress symptoms afterwards.

Suppose you choose option no 2.

It will make your boss angry and you might get a challenging situation ahead. However, this option will make you strong, energetic and persistent in your choice and help you in dealing with similar situations in future.

Suppose you choose option no 3.

It will neither satisfy you nor your boss fully. However, there are chances that you too will pass the required time with great patience and will not disturb each other. However, this choice is the middle way that most of us adopt to lead our lives with caution and intellect.

Suppose you choose option no 4.

For the last and fourth choice, you must acknowledge the fact that your perception is wrong and you have to change it to see the desired results; otherwise you will have to make a compromise (that you do not want at all).

Now to change the perception of the red color is in itself a great deal. You have to remind yourself about the new, positive, and great impressions of the red color. For example:

1. Red is a color of life

2.Red is a color of luck in many countries of the world like china.

3.Red is a color of passion and love in psychology

4. Red is a color of energy and passion

If you are convinced about the new meanings of the color red; you will be the first person to choose red at first choice given to you. It will change your mindset, perception, and belief about the red color forever.

This technique is not limited to only ‘red-color’ ; rather it includes almost all the belief-based mental structures that provide great hindrances in our way towards the progress in work and psychological well being overall.

However, some beliefs or concepts, particularly those, based on religious teachings and cultural settings are too rigid to replace with other beliefs. And in most of the cases, we personally do not want to change them at any cost. In that case, it is more advisable to leave the situation that puts you in trouble of guilt and misery. We can fight with all kinds of troubles, hardships and mind-sets except a totally contradictory and challenging perceptual world.

Thanks