Perceptions and Aspirations

Change Your Mind-Set And Leave You Focus On!

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We all have different kinds of mind-sets, personalities, attitudes, beliefs, values, predispositions, perceptual tendencies, and habits overall. We live by our behavioural, cognitive and emotional trails in one way or the other. These traits are our identity, pride, recognition, esteem, and means to survival. We belong to them, as they belong to us. Now let me introduce you a few examples from day to day life:

When a child asks for a specific toy- he only wants that kind of toy. He would never be happy with any other toy until or unless that toy meets the same need. So for the child, the toy is not important, rather more important is the specific requirement of that toy; the quality of the toy; or the special ability of that toy.

When you go for shopping with a mind-set, you do not compromise. You try your best to find what you need. For example, you need a mobile carrying a special feature (may be powerful camera); you would never be comfortable with any other mobile set. As you need a specific thing, you do not care for other features of other mobiles. Yes, you would be happier if you get both: the required features and other enhanced features as well.

Similarly, we look for something special in our mate. That something special might be anything from a simple gesture to a variety of personality traits. When we find that particular trait in someone, we fell in love. We do not care whether he/she has something else or not. We just want that special thing- and nothing else. Though after some time, we are quite adapted to that trait and other things start to interfere. Then we realize our mistake.

This is very much true for other areas of life. When we choose a profession for a special reason in mind; we ignore other aspects of it. We join that and regret after some time as we come to know that we are compromising a lot for our love and choice. Then we realize that one thing should not be given top priority in any situation until or unless it is our complete compulsion or limitation.

The truth is that in life, one should not focus on one particular way of living. With a specific mindset, one cannot earn total satisfaction and would lack other important and beautiful gifts of nature. Indeed, there are a thousand ways of living, countless thoughts to ponder with, limitless sources to explore, and a great number of things to enjoy, learn, focus on, deal with and to rest upon. Thus, when we travel with a particular belief in mind about anything in this world; we could be blessed to that particular thing, anyhow, but the rest of, is compromised. Whereas when we look for happiness with open heart without being prejudice; we attract all pleasures of all types in the most harmonious combination to please us, secretly, in the best everlasting manner.

Do we express as per our true perceptions?

Have you ever got a cold? Certainly, many times! You feel headache, fever, tiredness, strain, drowsy, and aches. You tell the doctor what you are experiencing (the symptoms of your disease) – not the actual discomfort. Many times, we have the same symptoms, but the reason is not cold and flue. We are diagnosed with another disease – might be tonsils, earache, stomach acidity, allergic reaction, mouth cancer, tooth ache or sinus disease.

Have you seen toddlers crying and irritating for obviously no reason you could guess. Sometimes they are hungry or wet or bore or tired, other times they might be ill, suffering from some physical discomfort or emotional upheaval. They do not say what they feel, but cry and show aggression through their rude and unnatural behavior.

Have you ever seen yourself in happy moods: doing things cheerfully, speaking politely, behaving nicely, walking and dancing, meeting people pleasantly, looking at nature gratefully, feeling refreshed, cool and compose, compared to when you are in a bad mood. You do not tell people around you why you are behaving in a particular manner, rather you present your best due to reason inside your subconscious.

People, especially boys hide their feelings. Many do not express them in black and white rather make excuses, tell the alternative reasons for their actions, smile, but don’t say why they are happy, look low in mood but would never let others clue to guess what is wrong. They do not do it for any special reason or cause; their brains are wired to do that.

This disguised emotional tendency is somewhat different from one’s personal attitude towards being hypocrites and diplomatic. It is not what we do intend to achieve our set goals and cheap benefits. Rather, we do it almost unintentionally and unconsciously. Ideally, how can we, first analyze our emotions theoretically and then express them in relevant words! That is why we conceal our true emotional tendencies, perceptions and sentiments and deal with only their side-effects, symptoms and after-facts. Therefore, people around us to form their opinions based on what they observe, listen or feel. They are not aware of our true intentions behind our sentiments, deeds, attitudes, and words as well.

Let me introduce some of the statements and their derived meanings, compared with the actual meaning of the subject. The first part of the sentence is the statement delivered, the in bracket sentence is the inner feelings, and the last sentence is the derived meanings by the listener.

a. I am going to get some fresh air (I am very depressed and in need of some time alone with me) – He is going to have a secret meeting, not a walk.
b. I am too tired, so will go to bed soon (I do not want to have sex tonight, as my mind is busy somewhere else) – He must be in some tension as he is not in the mood.
c. I am not very much hungry, will have a cup of tea instead (I am too tense, not feeling like to eat) – he mush have taken food somewhere else.
d. Mama, I want to go out for a wee shopping (at home, mama is not with me, always talks to her friends on the phone) – I suppose my son is used to have shopping with me.
e. I am going to buy some food, so see you next time (I do not want to talk more with this lady) – she is too busy with home affairs.

f. I think being alone is a blessing for one ( I mean without wife and children)-  I think he does not like to become social and make friends.

In each case, we say something else, perceive something else and convey all together different. Some among us conceal their total feelings with great mastery, some exaggerate to the highest level, some moderately depict, and some just cannot feel comfortable in revealing their inner to the lowest level. We do not do it by choice, rather by habit. We are trained to behave like that. We are educated and expected to talk in that manner in a specific culture. We just cannot leave our tendency to do that.

For example, on the arrival of a headache, some would say, no problem, it is part of life; some would yell and say, what the hell I am in; some would become furious and would go for a drink; some would make others aware of the fact that they are facing a headache attack for such a long time; some would just continue with their duties and forget the same level of headache indeed. Take another example. Some reach in time (exactly on time); some reach in time (a few minutes before right time); some reach in time (a couple of minutes after exact time) and some reach in time (though usually they are late). So again, we perceive different meanings within the same statement. Thus, it is very much subjective to express one’s emotions and to what degree of intensity.

How Do You Introduce Your Toddlers To Your Friends And Relatives

How parents introduce their children to others impact on their personalities strongly. There are many examples that may clarify the concept better. Let us consider:

A parent is introducing his/her child to his/her relative/friend and says with a smiling face-

  1. She is too aggressive. Please be careful…she could harm you through her sharp nails. (the child is only 2 years old).
  2. My son is too shy. You can see he is not behaving properly in front of you.
  3. My son is too hyper. Please do not stop him from doing anything. He will create a scene.
  4. My son too submissive. He cannot say ‘no’ to his rivals.
  5. My son is extremely scared of strangers. He will scream if I leave him for now.
  6. She is too rash, could bite and hit blindly. So be careful guys.
  7. She is very social being, would like to show you her room and toys.
  8. She is very fond of books.
  9. He likes to destroy things all the time. Very destructive mindset, he has.

And all the relevant similar comments that parents pass on to others make a deep impression on their parent’s children who are passively listening the talk between you and the significant others.  Therefore, it is highly recommended to strengthen those traits of personality in your statements that you really want to observe in your off springs later on. Otherwise, your mentioned traits would reinforce the same quality among them and they would love to adopt them as a part of their personality.

When rules and values need not to be put through?

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We need rules, values, laws and boundaries create a peaceful society, to control our emotions and to have a little check on all of us for being honest, trustworthy, and disciplined human being. We, in all over the world observe certain patterns with respect to our safety, integrity and well-being. We as a nation cannot deny the rule of law over almost everything we come across, whether it relates to your ego, respect, and freedom of choice or it is a matter of your rights of living, schooling, and facilitating your health worries. We, with no doubt, understand the importance of civic laws, social laws, and moral laws, especially which are running in our local setups.

Now consider the following examples :

I still remember when I entered UK immigration zone three years back. It was in the long queue waiting for the check out while holding my one year old infant baby boy on my lab. Though my son was intact and seemed fresh, yet I was over tired with the long journey of about 15 hours,  while doing babysitting and nursing intensely. I was thinking that UK is a country where rules have priority over everything so I would have to face a long queue in any circumstance. Moreover neither me nor my son was sick to get some excuse. While I was thinking in these lines, one lady came towards me and took me to the front bench to sit and wait. I thought there must be some kind of punishment for me as I was from Pakistan( apparently a corrupt country ). But then I came to know that it was an honor for a mother with an infant to get priority over public  and leave the queue. We were out of the immigration so soon that no one could imagine.  This was not discrimination rather a great gesture of honor for the mothers from the UK ( the country of laws).

Usually we are bound to obey the road signs and traffic rules in Scotland. Police can put a penalty of huge amount if someone is caught by while breaking the law. However, I with my little son have enjoyed a free walk and crossing at any time, at any place without any obvious restriction of law as traffic from both sides willingly and courteously used to stop for us even in rush hours and at restricted places (where one cannot cross the road). It does not mean, we are illiterate or getting unfair advantage of our rude behavior rather wherever we stand for a while along the road, the traffic from the opposite side thinks that we are about to cross and stops. Sometimes, we had to cross the road unwillingly as the traffic was waiting for us to clear the road. How amazing and caring attitude indeed these people have!

My driving instructor told me about each and every rule of driving while saying that when there is matter of saving your or others life, no rule is more important.

In buses, trains, and parks, people give priority to others (older, younger, kids, women, special) voluntarily and leave the space for them.

Once I took my parcel back from the Royal Mail, which has already been sent to the receiver. According to law, no one could do me a favor but according to morals, one could get it back. I thought it is UK, so law would not help me out. I was wrong in that assessment as the people here left the law aside to get me out of trouble. I thank royal mail for their timely help and great concerns.

Therefore, laws are there to help us , to organize and control us, to create discipline among nations, societies, and cultures, to protect humans from animals or animal like humans, to punish the cruel acts and to flourish the empathy and sympathy among people, to save the nation from discrimination, nepotism, and inequality, to promote love, cooperation and justice  overall. But whenever there is a special need to break the law in rare circumstances, to get the same objective (described above), one must not care for the law and rather go for the objective. It is too one form of abiding by, strengthening and rejuvenating the law in real spirit. So when the law is the basic hurdle in cultivation of peace, break it or bypass it for your safety and dignity.

The Secret Behind Your Choice!

Why the Nice biscuits are nice? I do not know if you think they are nice. Anyhow, there could be several reasons for them to be nice :

  • They are sweet
  • They are inexpensive
  • They are available
  • Some has brought them for you
  • Being a child, your mother used to offer them to you
  • Your friend likes them
  • You eat them for your stomach need
  • You think they are light
  • You think they are different in shape
  • You think they taste different
  • You think your mother likes them
  • You got them as a reward

Continue reading →

Would You Drink More To Be Out Of Trouble ?

We being a human always search for easy fixes, short cuts, and quick ways to fulfill our desires, wishes, and needs. We want to be happy as early as possible. We are quite impatient and inconsistent in achieving our goals to become successful. It is our nature and we fight with our nature to look mature, reasonable, vigilant, cool, persistent and tolerant.

I see people spending a huge amount on only entertainment: crazy sports, watching movies, reading fiction, clubs, dinners, parties, celebrations, shopping, and what not. I see people spend a lot on the things they do not need rather they think they would need. I see people spend a lot on luxuries as compared to their needs (after their basic needs fulfilled).

Have you seen people drunk on the roads, especially on weekends? Have you seen people in clubs, dancing, drinking, and having fun in a large number? Have you seen people in cinemas watching their favorite movies? Have you seen people in the markets while buying lots of stuff luxuriously and carelessly? Have you seen people traveling for fun sake only? Of course, you must have seen people in libraries lost in books too.

What is the difference between the two types: the one searching for happiness outside and the one searching for happiness inside. The first choice would never end: after each episode, there is another to watch, after buying one thing, you would need another one tomorrow, one drink this weekend and one for the next one, one resort this year and another for the next year. So there is no full stop, no satisfaction forever. You have to be engaged daily while pursuing your pleasures and happiness.

The second way is looking inside. In this mode, you are going inside- looking for some help, researching your problems and their solutions, finding new concepts to deal with, creating new theories to tackle and jumping in the sea of happiness that would leave its footprints on your personality forever. You are growing day by day – giving more life to your senses, body and to the world outside.

Suppose you are marring a man/woman who is just perfect for you. You think  his/her company would have a tremendous effect on you in the long run. You may go for it but risk is yours. You might not get what is in your mind – you might be wrong in assessing that personality.  On the other side, if you think you are strong enough to decide and live by your choice and the other person is free to live with you as per his/her wish and till the time you both are having good terms. In this case, you are not bound to live together forever with someone you do not deserve, as your partner is not bound too to live with you. In this scenario, both of you are not at risk: neither in union nor in separation.

Through a little analysis of the above example, we come to know that in the first approach, one is handing over its worries and happiness to someone else’s hands. Whereas in the second approach one is not willing to live by its partners choice, thus is more inclined towards its inner strength and will power.

When you close your eyes and try to forget about your problems, problems remain there. When you take your problems as your projects and work on them with motivation and determination, the problems start to diminish.   Similarly when you engage in time-consuming activities to forget your worries, you waste time. Though time is a good healer but it is not a good healer in each and every matter of life. Moreover, time healing techniques is not yours – it would play its role as per its nature. It might be the lifetime to heal your wounds! So would you waste your whole life for time is the only healer for you!

I do agree that time is a great healer but only for little problems. When you have got cold, you have no option except to take Paracetamol. Similarly in some tiny matters, you need to pass time and wait for the solution of your disease. What about chronic diseases? Should you wait and see what will happen tomorrow or should you go to the doctor to consult? Definitely, you should seek a doctor’s advice. So it depends on the situation.  Like medical problems, if your problem is interfering with your day-to-day life, and it is more than a month and your problem is persisting; do not ignore the symptoms. Go to some specialist and get some advice. Do not waste your time.  You cannot find happiness  in drinking, shopping, traveling, playing, watching or doing something to let you forget about your worries. As there is no quick fix to your psychological disorders, to get you out of trouble miraculously. Yes, you can find happiness through these hobbies, if you are already happy.  So first, become happy, then look happy, first deserve then desire, first feel then enjoy!

Do We Perceive Moral Values As Per Our Will?

What we Misperceive through our eyes, is not always restricted to our eyes. You must have seen many optical illusions in your life that represent different perceptions for different people. Nobody is sure for their reality. They change their perception even for the same person. Strange! But it is true. If you have no idea of illusions, then click the link below to learn more about illusions.

http://www.michaelbach.de/ot/

Today my focus is not on illusions rather the secret behind those illusions. First consider the following examples:

  1. Have you ever read a word according to your own mental picture- rice for price, money for enemy, sex for best and many others.
  2. People comment on the same product that vary a lot. For some it is amazing and for others it is disgusting.
  3. For one color, different people have different opinions. Some adore a color and some hate the same!

Thus we can conclude that we have different perceptions of the same phenomena at the same time. Even we change our perception with respect to a little change in time, our experience or age. One idea is brilliant for one person, and the same idea is shit for the other one. One article is worth reading for one, and the same article is rubbish for the other one. One man is the real leader for one party and the same man is a big joke for the other one. We have thousand examples to quote in this regard.

In spite of all that, we cannot say that a man is a women, a killer is a good man, a rapist is at right cause, a child is not innocent, a robbery is appreciable and all other examples alike.

There must be some limit in perceiving a thing in our own way. We can say that we love someone because of his smartness and others can say that they love the same person for his intellect but we cannot say that we love someone because of his cruelty.

In the moral world, things are more complicated and more illusions exist than any other field of life. One moral quote is perceived differently among different people. Usually people act upon moral education as per their own perceptual understanding of that moral thought. They use the context they think is suitable for that quote. They verify the quote in their own brain and act on that according to their own standard.

For example: honestly is the best policy. Now see how people apply this quote in their lives differently while thinking that they are following the message in the same way others are using.

  • A person pays the right amount to his workers and makes sure that there should not be any penny  up or down.
  • Second person thinks he should not get a leave while making any fake excuse.
  • Third person thinks he should not take advantage of his company rules.
  • Fourth thinks, he should be honest in front of his wife and should not hid his feelings at any cost.
  • Fifth one thinks he should not earn a huge profit from the things he is selling- normal profit is OK.
  • Sixth one thinks one should not advertise wrong traits of his products to market them at large level.
  • Another one thinks one should not tell a lie to his family about his income.

There are countless examples to quote.  The crux is that when we start perceiving some information, we interpret it in our own brain, in our own unique way, and apply in our particular circumstance. We definitely perceive very uniquely and claim that we are perceiving something like others. Whereas our perception is very unique by all means. The same concept, the other person is applying in some other field of life and claiming that the concept is his favorite one.

Therefore, belonging to the same religion, we behave differently, react differently, adapt differently to different circumstances, and feel differently on similar occasions. We think we are following the same education and moral values, but our perception is different. The way we adopt the teachings, is very much contrasting to others.

Thanks

Helping The Poor Girls In Pakistan

A boy is a symbol of  power, authority, success, luck, wealth and a stream of fortune forever. Being a boy means, having a home on a permanent basis, having safety forever, peace of mind with respect to parents love and care, having a continuous and unconditional love of parents and relatives, feeling high all the time only due to your gender identity. Though a boy needs to get educated, yet he needs nothing else. He needs to get educated and lead his life as per his own choice. He has to earn money and status for him and his family’s well being. But he is all in all in deciding many domestic matters. He is free in his movements- not afraid of being raped on the way going home. He is getting priority in all the matters, from attending  a luxurious dinner to attending a trip outside city. Boys are very much social in nature as compared to girls as they are more encouraged and appreciated in adapting that attitude. Boys are brave as per our culture. Boys never weep according to our cultural education. Boys should be respected, honored and valued more due to their gender as compared to girls. Boys should keep the money in their hands as they are responsible for their sisters (or female member’s) needs. Boys are free to living alone, whereas girls are not simply allowed to do that.

Girls feel, in such a society, that they cannot express themselves fully being a girl. They bear restrictions on their dressing, social life, education, liberty and freedom tremendously since the day of their birth. They are not well come, being a girl at home, in a family, and in the society. Their position is weak being a girl at home, as they are thought a burden upon parents. They are taken as symbols of honor that can be damaged through any sexual activity. They are not allowed to go out for a walk alone, as their safety is compromised. They are pushed to stay at home as their presence at home is considered  a safety precaution. Their primary responsibility is towards their family – taking care of others (usually males) through household affairs and making sacrifices for them. Girls are never free to choose their life partner of their own choice. Rarely parents accept it, if the partner chosen by their daughter is from high class and worth marrying.  Things are very complicated for girls. It seems, all are their well wishers, but in reality, all are only protecting them from the unseen and unrealistic dangers. That over protecting attitude generates feelings of low self esteem and worthlessness among girls. They live their lives under constant pressure of society, family, and the culture overall.

The dilemma never ends. When a girl is married, her all decisions are carried out by her husband – usually husband is the only earning hand. Girls, even after being mothers, are not thought as an influencer and decision maker. They have to live according to the rules of their husband and his family. There is no rocket science that you cannot understand. There is simply the abuse: emotional, verbal, social, and physical. A girl cannot decide how many children she wants. She cannot decide what career she wants to pursue. She cannot decide what is her planning of the future in terms of spending money on her needs. In most families, girls even cannot decide what food they wish to eat. For sports, girls are never encouraged to participate in. They are thought as the weakest part of the society –  a misfortune bestowed upon the people.

I salute them for living in such a society and smiling all day. I can see western girls being more independent, free, happy, energetic, powerful, influencing, authentic, intelligent and inspiring in overall all fields of life – as compared to Pakistani ones. My humble advice for our generation of girls is that to take charge of their lives, their happiness and their decisions. Do not rely upon anyone, especially when it comes to your life, your need and your pleasure. Seek your way to find your destiny, your identity and your future and be persistent in seeking that throughout your life. This is your war: fight or flight-It is up to you. But if you fight, there are ample chances that you will win; otherwise chances are that you will be caught and could not rise again.

Thanks

How Can You Feel Happy Always!

Today I taught myself the definition of Happiness that would best satisfy me at lease and that I want to share with you so that you could think it over too. You might have the same meaning like me so this mail will affirm your belief too.

When we say happiness is something you want to get ( a materialistic approach) whether it is a car, house or laptop- after having that you will be adapted to it soon. So your happiness span will not sustain at that point. Research on happiness has proved that wealthy people are not necessarily happy people.  To defend the same concept, you can find thousands of examples online too.

Secondly, happiness is taken as a temporary feeling. You will be happy today and unhappy tomorrow. So your happiness depends on several trivial factors that make you happy. You can try some tricks like doing exercise, going for a walk, doing yoga or any other meditation, having a social circle of friends, and living on some beach side , or listening to soothing tunes, to boost your happiness level; but you cannot fully control your emotions and will not always become happy by trying these tips.

When you say your happiness depends on your family structure. You are again in blind valley. Sometimes events will go smoothly to make you happy and other times, you would become the victim. You cannot fully depend on your relatives to make you happy otherwise you are at high risk of feeling dejected, cheated and molested.  So this definition is not for everyone- might work for someone at a particular time.

You might be thinking, then what is happiness? For some who stand below poverty level, happiness is fulfilling their basic needs. For the sick people, happiness is being healthy and nothing else. For the students, happiness to a large part, revolves around their marks and exam success. For a professional, happiness is to achieve their goals: short term or long term. For a businessman, happiness rests in having lots of profit and earn more. Thus, for each one of us, criteria of  happiness, being distinct from others,  changes with time, age and experiences. Not even a small group of people share the same criteria of happiness fully. Yes, on some matters, people could agree to become happy together.

Principally, happiness is God’s way of giving a reward to His creation. He decides whom to give, when to give and how much to give. When we do good, feel good or positive, and believe in goodness, we are blessed with a great amount of happiness and peace of mind. You would not believe that some people among us, receive from God,  the immeasurable pleasure, ecstasy and peace, continuously and persistently,  for the unlimited period of life, in the form of a compensation for their sacrifices to humanity, gratitudes, and compassion.

Here it is again important to keep in mind that it is not important to do something great to please God for the gift of happiness rather a small gesture, a little good feeling and a sudden good thought could bring a lot of happiness in your life if it is capable of drawing your creator’s attention towards you. There is no science  or there is a science beyond your expectation and capability!

Thanks

A Word To MY Fellow Bloggers

Today I was wondering why my blogs are not getting attention after doing so many things and after having thought on topics of my interest for such a long time. I was having a mad mood throughout the day  while feeling same lack. I was wondering why my blogs are not worth reading by the viewers. Then I kept on thinking on the same lines and thought my books are not getting attention. No one has ever checked them. I had a stomach ache all the way coming to home from the market. No argument could convince me for my bad luck and hopelessness.

I was nearly fainting when a sudden thought came to my mind, and I would like to share it with you so that you could also get some spirit at your low times, the feelings were like that:

Mona, you know the best ever knowledge in this world is the least expensive, even then people are not ready to get it in their spare time. You can find all religious books online for free to read or download like the Bible, Quran, and many others. You know the best ever content is there and people are not bothered much to read it for themselves. Then how can they become motivated to read you whereas you have just stepped in, in the blog market.

Mona, in todays modern world, people are more interested to buy dreams, unreal, and fiction stories than non-fiction and hard cruel realities. People would like to waste money on non-sense fashion, movies and glamorous shows as compared to reading free library books while sitting in the library or at home. People would most likely convince themselves to buy products to comfort their bodies than buying some books to ease their souls. People are more interested to go on Facebook to make new friends and have a chit chat than reading blogs – especially yours.

Mona, you need to be patient and consistent if you really want to have viewers daily. It does not mean that you are not worth blogging, it means you need to bring some changes in your attitude and schedule to make your blog a real show. It does not mean you only take care of the choice of your viewers rather it means you present your views in the most acceptable and challenging way. Your style should be unique and convincing otherwise you will lose all!

What do you think, is it a good advice that I should consider? If you have another suggestion for me, please let me know. I would be highly grateful to you as this is my beginning and I have to improve all the time continuously and persistently.

Thanks