My Reflection

Things look beautiful in shops!  

Have you ever noticed things look more beautiful in shops than viewing them at home after having a purchase?

Have you ever found someone more attractive at a distance than sitting beside him/her and have a wee chat?

Have you ever thought about the girls you adore, would become little less attractive after getting married to you (or vice versa)?

Given the fact that things lose their attraction when we find them closer and closer day by day. By nature, we cannot focus on the same object for the whole of life. We keep on changing our priorities and shifting our attention as per our needs and requirements. This is very much aligned with our innate characteristics by birth. However, there could be some exceptions in this regard too.

Now, before going for a shopping, could you imagine you have already done it. If so, then what are your feelings? If you cannot imagine, what are your feelings after having a purchase? What are your feelings after spending some time with your favorite thing? What are your feelings after a month of purchasing your favorite thing? You must have forgotten what were your feelings when you purchased something you used to fancy. So this is a continuous loop of wishing, feeling happy, and then wishing again for something else.

What about having a date with someone you love the most? Do you feel a lack in your relationship after spending some time together? If yes, you are taking people like things with whom you will be used to. If yes, then you should be very careful in selecting them for a relationship, as you get bored easily, even with humans.

People are not, like things- they grow in terms of age, experiences, knowledge, attitudes, emotions, and the list is never ending. So we never get used to and look for another. However, it is worth considering that we need to improve our relationships for not being sick to each other. The more areas of mutual interest, we explore among our relationships, the better it is for us. Otherwise, things will start deteriorating and get stuck.

Nature has protected us from being stuck in a relationship through a cool process of parenting and upbringing the children. After becoming parents, couples share many things together – thus moving forward together while focusing on the same object (e.g. Children). With children, we grow together and never get bored!

Nowadays, marketers are exploiting our emotions very wisely in terms of upgrading the software, products and attractions. We purchase them and upgrade them- thus are less likely to get a feeling like stuck. Things keep on changing, and we are never completely used to them. Things that cannot be upgraded; usually lose their attraction very soon.

 To conclude, we need to upgrade things (traits) in us to survive in the market  through various strategies like:

  1. Learning new things/ fields
  2. Having new experiences
  3. Meeting new people
  4. Visiting new places
  5. Creating new horizons

When we stop doing upgrading, we are stuck. We are used to ourselves first and then with others. Therefore, to get a long, healthy life, it is very important to continue with the change outside and inside. It is something we all are doing unconsciously with the help of evolutionary laws; it is something we need to improve too through effort and hard work.

Why Don’t We Always Do Good And Have Good In Return?

Have you ever noticed that your mother behaves differently from what you expect from her?

Have you ever felt that your father is not as encouraging as you expect him to be?

Have you ever thought that your partner is not behaving as nicely as he/she should?

Have you ever had a feeling that your children are not as much caring as you want them to be?

Have you ever observed the attitude of your partner being totally strange for you?

There are many moments in your life, when you simply could not clue for the opposite behavior of your friend or acquaintance. You remain speechless and surprised to know that your friend is totally different from what you are expecting from him/her.

Although there could be several reasons for others indifferent behavior to us; yet one of those reasons is our misjudgment and misperception of our relationship on both ends. Whether we are not according to our friend or our friend is not doing as per our wish; both are configuring the relationship puzzle in totally a wrong way.

Relationships are never equal in nature. Your father is your father and he will behave as a father due to his nature of the relationship whereas you are the son who being a son could not behave like a father! Being a daughter, you always remain a daughter and could never behave like your mother. Mother on the other hand remains mother and could never behave like a daughter. Same goes for every kind of relationship. We can become parents and friends with our children, but we cannot leave our parenthood to become friends only with our children.

Children expect the quality of love and care from parents; parent would never expect the same nature of love and care from their kids! For example, for kids, to ask for water and food is a gesture of their understanding, that they still are dependent on their parents, whereas their parents asking water or food will convey the message that they love to see their children being independent and caring. Parents show their affection through various ways of care, whereas children show their love through their childish demands and funny ways.

In couples, similarly, wives show their love through cooking, cleaning, and dressing up for their husbands, and husbands show their love through buying food, luxuries, and gifts for their wives. Thus the both partners hold different manners for their expression of love. So much so, both have different physical attraction points to convey the same message- love.

Therefore, to expect from someone the same nature, the same attitude, the same feelings as we hold for them or in return for our deeds, is a big mistake. We are never same in any of the worldly relationships; rather we are parallel and comparable in some of these. When we do something good for someone in our own specific way; we should not expect the same from him/her. He/she might behave differently on the same task; but could show his/her affection on some other task in his/her particular manner. Therefore, to expect the same thing from someone is never achieved in relationship studies. We are being compensated and rewarded differently in a different manner in return for our love, care and affection. Sometimes, we are not rewarded at all; due to the same reason in fact. This happens due to our multi dimensional brain and its capacity to be flexible and rigid in several areas of our choice and leaving others unattended and ignored consciously or unconsciously.

Say Sorry To Your Kids!

Parents are always interested in the well being of their children and sacrifice is their second nature. Parents usually collect all their wisdom and comfort their children first and then think about their own needs. We, no doubt, are very much aware of our parent’s intentions, well wishes, and great love for us.

 However, there is no perfect parent in this world. One can try to become perfect; but it is simply not possible to do all what is required in the most professional mechanical way at the exact time. So we are prone to do mistakes while having a great pressure of good parenting style. What do you do when you acknowledge your mistake? Let me give you some examples to understand the concept:

  • Suppose you could not get what your child is saying and shuts her up abruptly
  • Suppose you mistakenly taught wrong meaning to your child
  • Suppose you are upset due to some reason and snubs your child rudely
  • Suppose you could not make some food for your child due to your leisure or lazy attitude
  • Suppose you know you could comfort your child, but you did not act like that due to some enmity for your husband
  • Suppose you are neglecting your child due to your abusive relationship with your partner
  • Suppose you are ill-treating your child due to your anxiety in job

There could be several reasons for your rude behavior with your children that would create a guilt for you. You know you have done something wrong with your children and no body is witness to that. You, in your heart, feel guilt and shame! You feel regret and sorry for that. How would you treat yourself positively and replace your feelings with new energy of love?

Certainly it is very important for you to get rid of such feelings but how?

There is not much work for you to do in this regard. You may say SORRY  to your child and explain to her why you were rude or indifferent according to her age level. Even if the child is two years old, she will listen to you carefully and respond empathetically. This is most important for both of you to resolve the issue as early as possible; otherwise the gap of misunderstanding would become too huge to settle down.

Rukhsati: A Tragedy Of The Women Of Pakistan

rukhsati

source : retrieved from Google images. Just search ‘rukhsati’ on google, or on you tube; you will get it all what it means to Parents of Pakistan.

Parents who are symbol of love, care, blessing and happiness for the children are sometimes perceived as strangers, caretakers, and home owners. Parents who should give unconditional love to their children, in some parts of the world, extend their love to their children if they belong to a specific gender-male. For girls, their love is temporary, conditional and very much hypocritical. In almost each and every part of Pakistan:

  1. Daughters are taken as guests in the parent’s home until they are married.
  2. Girls are supposed to leave their parental home forever on wedding day (a tradition called Rukhsati)
  3. Sons are expected to live with their parents and take care of them.
  4. Daughters are expected not to visit their parents often after marriage
  5. Son is usually discouraged to see his in-laws often
  6. Daughters are supposed to do house chores and obey their husbands /in-laws
  7. Most parents think it is a matter of their great honor ( in the most negative way) or they will kill their daughters if:
    • Their daughter gets a divorce and come back due to any reason
    • Their daughter is raped or abused
    • Their daughter comes back due to facing brutality and cruelty of in-laws
    • Their daughter comes back due to having husbands rude, unfair and constantly demanding attitude
    • Their daughter is simply not ready to get married
    • Their daughter is having an affair  or on date
    • their daughter wants to live independently and alone
    • their daughter wants to live with her parents forever

In short, parents that are the only hope of children in this cruel world to welcome them, comfort them and console them in time of need and grief; in Pakistan girls are very much deprived of that ever lasting shadow of pure and powerful loving background. Girls, to some extent, receive their share of love and care from almost all kinds of parents; however that love is not enough to provide them with the energy to fight for their rights and live happily ever after. In life love is not the solution of every practical problem; rather we need to enforce some laws, rules, regulations to administer the social evils wisely. The traditions that cause discrimination, feelings of helplessness and flourish injustice, abuse and cruelty/atrocity among society members at a large scale, must be banned. We are not born to follow traditions blindly; rather traditions are established to comfort and facilitate us in a better way. Hope,  people and especially parents would think twice before saying their girls a guest in their homes.

Unique Diversity Of Perceptions

Figure and ground relationship is very common among gestalt psychologists. It is one of the most popular laws of visual perception which states that figure-ground organization is a type of perceptual grouping that is a vital necessarily for recognizing objects through vision. It is known as identifying a figure from the background ( cited in wikipedia).

Without any background, vision is not complete. Even blank or white background plays its vital role in our perceptual understanding of the objects.

figure and ground image

see more on:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Figure%E2%80%93ground_(perception)

What do you think this picture is about:

  1. two girls’ faces.
  2. Two child’s faces
  3. A vase
  4. A marble building
  5. A sketch of faces
  6. A sketch of a tomb
  7. Two men’s faces
  8. A glass
  9. A door’s interior
  10. Reflection in the mirror
  11. Two friends’ faces
  12. Enemies faces
  13. Black children faces
  14. White children faces
  15. Indian faces
  16. Any thing else

These are only examples. You may create any meaning from the above picture. Your perception is yours and there is no guideline to perceive this picture in one particular way. You are the author of your own unique picture. Everybody in this world would create a different perception about this picture ; about other pictures ; and about every other scene of this world. There are countless perceptions of the same picture indeed; rather more precisely there are countless perceptions of the same concept in this world.

Similarly there are countless expressions of the same perceptual image. When we perceive some information, we interpret it in our brain and express in some ways. We, no doubt, do it automatically, unconsciously and systematically. Our actions, then, depict some portions of our perceptions. Thus, each one among us, carries a distinct and separate way of expressing its unique perception. No two expressions are similar to each other; though could share some of the features and manifest them fully. Just like our faces that can resemble to someone fully while sharing some of the traits too; but we are unique in our personality from many other aspects. Our perceptions are alike.

What a great amount of perceptions we hold! Incredible human perceptions and their related expressions make us truly a unique being in this world. Whether you are a lay man, a teacher, a business man, an artist, a skilled worker, a nurse, a gate keeper, a leader, an organizer, a manager, a student, a sweeper, a lecturer, a dentist, a doctor, or a scientist; you are unique in your perception. You do not need to collect references to support you or collect examples to validate your view point; you are already unique. Your attitude, emotion, interpretation and beliefs can never match or compete. Your ways are yours and you are responsible for them. Though you may blame someone for guiding you in a wrong direction; but the last decision was yours to take a step ahead. So it is you who perceived wrong. Step back and take charge of your perception. Honor your perception being unique and subtle; the world will honor you in return.

No Perception Is Universal!

The law of closure in which we tend to see the incomplete figures as a whole while ignoring gaps and missing spaces. This popular law of gestalt psychology, shape our over all perception indeed. We, not only perceive pictures as a whole, rather every thing as a whole. By nature we do not like to perceive gaps in our perceptions or we believe that our perception is perfect whatever it is. Therefore, in spite of looking at a disordered picture, we convince our self that the picture is complete, with no fault. To help you making a concrete picture of the law of closure, please have a look on this page:

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gestalt_psychology

 Movies are good examples. When we watch a movie, we know a little about characters and their status; even then we believe in our perception and imagine the story is real. We try to fill all the gaps, errors, and loop holes while watching a movie silently. This is our nature and we cannot go beyond that. If the movie is a real pain in ass, we will try to collect all relevant information to convince ourselves that the movie is not worth watching. In either case, we will try our best to cover the missed information and believe in the fake story presented in the movie.

This law creates many emotional/relationship problems when we are shown a few traits of our friends or relatives and we perceive them as a whole. Suppose you see a person who always greets you and talks nicely on phone. You can quote a few other things with his reference and that’s all. Now as far as personality traits are concerned they are countless and perceived in thousand ways by different people in different timings. You only know a little about your friend if you ask any psychologist about it. However, you have made your perception and that is not going to change through any rational argument. This is your nature – perceive things as a whole.

By contrast, when we try to perceive things correctly, our own perception is considered faulty and distorted among our family members and friends. In this case, you may argue that your friend is nice when his mood is high or on the day his pay arrives in the bank; on other days, he is little rude and clumsy. You could even analyze more correctly and precisely but that means you are not very much with your friend. There are many chances that your friend would keep you away from his list of friends. So the truth is that people not only perceive the information as a whole (whether it is faulty, incomplete or fake) rather like them to be perceived as a whole in the eyes of others.

We hate criminals due to their crimes but we actually do not know how many good deeds they have also completed so far.  As we know a few crimes of a person, we make the picture of his whole personality instantly and believe on that till our last breath. When we hate someone for some reason, we cannot say we hate him for that reason only; otherwise we love him. Either we love someone or not, we hate someone or not; we cannot do both at the same time with full logic. All of our perceptual tendencies force us to believe in one reality and leave the other distracters, dissimilarities, and ambiguities.

This is true not only in relationships, rather we want to perceive the Higher Power ( the God) as the only one without any fault and limitation. In all over the world, in almost all the religions, people believe in such power and fill in the blanks themselves. Their perception about the god is complete, with no question mark and suspect. This is our true nature and we just cannot go against it. The people who find errors in their concept of believing in God, simply leave the idea. They do not believe in God. However, we cannot find people who claim that they believe in God in these matters and under specific circumstances and do not believe in Him in these cases. This is harsh but indispensable truth ; either we believe or not!

 What is this discussion all about? It is to convey you that you cannot perceive the whole person in your whole life exactly in the way you need to perceive. You will only join the  dots ( those you are exposed to)  and make a picture in your mind according to your rules of perception. When your perception is so faulty, how can you trust on it? When you cannot trust on your perception; how can you say that that person is going to be a loving partner in your future life? Crazy thought! Is not it? You are badly trapped and your mind is still not convinced on the logic I have just given. That is why it is said that what we see is usually what we want to see. There is no formula to check other person’s behavior crystal clear and that is a blessing in disguise!

What do you think if we are able to see things in parts ( not as a whole) with respect to their attributes, limitations, and faults? Should we , then, able to love anything/anyone around us so purely and genuinely?

What We Perceive In Happy Mood?

We all have different kinds of aspirations, perceptions and beliefs. There are many theories about how we form them, modify and re-establish them for our purposes. Among several theories one is that we make them instantly, indirectly, and unconsciously while experiencing a unique situation or event.  This kind of concept usually becomes the base for other future concepts that would be added into it step by step from time to time. Now consider the following concrete examples for clarity purposes:

  1.   Suppose you are happy and in uplifted mood. On the way back to your home, you see a grand parent coming across your way. You smile for a while and he replies with warmth and a nice gesture. You are again on your way to home.
  2. Suppose you are happy and in great unusual spirit due to some reason. Meanwhile, your friends invite you to join to watch a movie in cinema. You go with them and watch the movie (otherwise a boring stuff for you). You come back with the same mood indeed.
  3. Suppose you are incredibly happy and in a pleasant mood. You go for a walk and do little shopping. You enter a shop and the sales person smiles at you with warmth and welcoming gestures. You roam about and come back.

In the first example, the person who came across an old man in the happiest mood ever, would never be able to forget that man in his life. Whenever he would meet someone resembling like him, he would feel a strange kind feelings and love for him. He might have forgotten the reason for that!

In the second example, the person who watched a boring movie in a real great mood, would never be able to forget that movie.  He is more likely to remember all details with good impressions than criticizing and forgetting. Those impressions are now part of that person and he is less likely to believe in the real cause of liking that movie!

In the third example, the person who meets another person while feeling great pleasant emotions would never be able to dislike that specific person. Rather he would go to that shop repeatedly unconsciously. He would love the sales persons of that shop and environment of that shop overall while ignoring the real cause of his liking.

In all of the above examples, things that convey no meanings in it self become specific and significant due to our unconscious emotional life pace. We are likely to behave better in a better mood, and we usually receive all good in return that become part of our personality eventually. So the circle of happy feelings continue to flourish and grow.

With our happy moods, negative experiences are also likely to depress and dim in degree. We usually do not pay much attention to negative people, negative circumstances or negative environment in our happiest ever moments. In rare times, negative events spoil all our happy taste, but that means that negative event has much more potential to destroy our mood than happy ones.

Mind Your Beliefs

Tensions and worries are of dissimilar varieties. Some are based on relationships, some are financial and others are conceptual. We live in a variety of cultures, thus experiences are too complex and ambiguous at a large level. Notwithstanding, our many of the troubles could be solved through a simple cognitive therapy or a therapy of belief change. When you meet with any such thing; believe me, it could be solved with a thrust button. Let me give you some more examples:

 People call me……………… and I simply do not like this word.

  1. I like to have some………..Instead of doing something about this………………..
  2. This confinement is too much, I am not ready to have it………
  3. Why he said this word…………… to me
  4. I do not like my subject……………. And prefer……………
  5. I behave not wish this color………… would like to exchange it for this color…………
  6. I suppose I should not do this in…………. Way
  7. I do not like this chore………..I would do instead…………. Chore

Belief can be replaced by another belief-similar in nature, with similar argument and convincing thought. When your anxiety provoking belief is creating a substantial injury in your emotional life; you need to replace it. This is a little tricky process, merely after holding it fixed you will be out of trouble forever.

When you suppose you prefer this to that and what you prefer is not within your reach, you necessitate to alter your mindset or feeling. As there is no other way left to deal with such a problem. Normally you are not ready to leave your principle, belief, concept or prospect; as that is your identity, passion and ego. Realistically, you have to deal with it: either work to attain what you want or leave it forever with a convincing idea. For the second strategy, you demand to convince yourself that your opinion is wrong indeed.

To convince yourself that your opinion is faulty or ineffective; you have to struggle with finding another comparative belief with the power to supersede the senior one. It should be more convincing in terms of impact and more overpowering in terms of settling in the brain. Allow me to present you some lessons of genuine change:

When my son is crazy for one specific toy, I try to shift his attention by replacing the belief with some other similar but cheap options. If he is asking for a car (expensive one); I will show him another car (not expensive) but with some distinguish feature. I will not show him the cat, hen, or plane to change his concept.

You do not like something for some special reason in your mind; that specific thing can also be adored for some exceptional reason (you do not know by chance). Try to find that special thing that could convince you to change your mindset. When you do not like someone for some reason; you could like him/her too for another reason (if you try to find that).

To conclude, we need to convince ourselves positively that we are blessed in the best possible way. We can see many reasons for being happy and satisfied instead of feeling regret or resented. The things we do not like, can become our passion and people we do not want to face, can become our best allies. Though it requires a hard work from our side from going through a long and persistent process of seeking, researching and establishing new relevant concepts, to replacing them with the previous ones instantly.  Have you ever tried that? No, do it with me any time.

There Is No Objective Reality Indeed!

“Belief is defined in Webster’s Unabridged Third New International Dictionary as a ‘conviction of the truth of some statement or the reality of some being or phenomenon………………………… One must therefore take cognitive, behavioral, sensory, motivational, affective, and contextual factors into account when attempting to unravel the mysteries of belief system evolution.” (Walters, 2002, p. 21).

 We perceive as per our interpretation and understanding of the world. We are not always right in assessing people around us- rather, many times we have to face challenges, dishonesties, and cruelties of other people. We could not get the reality due to disguised faces, fake facial expressions and postures. We have to believe on our senses- eyes and ears especially. We have no other way except to believe what we are encountering with. There is no objective reality in this world – as all realities are subject to our own experiences with the environment in which we interact directly. We are for most of the time product of our own beliefs, concepts, and theories for that we solely are responsible. That is why so far, nobody could prove scientifically that he/she is right in his/her conduct.

Not only our perception of the relationship is biased, our perception with  the universe is too absurd. Some among us like all what is blessed to them, including miseries and misfortunes; some say thanks to only a few of them and complain for troubles and sufferings; and some say thanks for the misfortunes and complain for the blessings. The first two categories are well understood as we all belong to one of them. What about third one? Many of us belong to the third one, but they rarely are aware of that. For example: when a parent thinks that a baby boy is a symbol of abundance and prosperity, they say thanks to the Universe for such a blessing.  Later on, that boy brings complaints for them. Similarly a girl is usually thought as a sign of bad luck in many parts of India. When that girl brings good luck to the family, the family reconsiders their views and says thanks for her instead of saying complaint. The same is true with many things for which we should say thanks – we complain against; the things we should not complain and say thanks instead, we complain.

Being a parent, you must have observed your children’s behavior minutely. Have you ever noticed that your children are not following in the same directions you are teaching? Yes. It is true. Children follow the guidelines, but with their own interpretations. You will say not to run, and she will stop walking; you will ask her not to throw things and she will conclude that you do not like her; you will tell her to finish the plate and she will throw the food in the dust bin! Thus, since childhood we are quite prone to misinterpret or interpret in our own way to suit our goals and objectives.

Colors in all over the world are same- red is red, black is black and white is white. If I tell you to imagine red in your mind, which image you imagine – blood, follower, flag, eyes, shirt or what. The same is true for all colors. We all keep various images for various colors likewise for various concepts. We distinguish strongly in our imagination of the same concept given to us in the unique manner. We believe in the same concept while expressing differently. For example: being straight means honest to one’s feelings or being arrogant, would depend on the perceiver’s unique perception of the concept. Being romantic means being sexy (physically), intimate (with empathetic attitude) , or loving ( simply nice in communication) ; would also depend upon the perceiver’s special ability to perceive such a complex emotional trait.

Gender discrimination is very common in many parts of the world. It is worst in the countries where people derive their own meanings of well defined world rules and laws. Such persons commit crimes against women of different kinds, but use different concepts to convince and protect their survival overall. It is well noted that “Common errors of construction include arbitrary inference, dichotomous reasoning, magnification, minimization, overgeneralization, and personalization, although other possibilities exist.” (Walters, 2002, p. 45). Thus, the most wanted criminal acts can also be justified, appreciated and valued subjectively.

However, what do you think about subjective reality? Do you still feel that your opinions are based on unbiased truths, beliefs and values? Are you still convinced that your reality of life is universal and your values are appreciated internationally in the way you express them? Do you still hold a belief that your expression is the best expression indeed? If yes, you are still in the process of learning self perceptual mechanism. If No, you have already mastered the skill I am teaching myself yet.

Ref:

Glenn D.walters. (2002). Criminal Belief Systems. An integrated-Interactive Theory of Lifestyles.

Save Your Time And Look For Everlasting Relationships

When you go for shopping, you come across many products of your choice and you choose something that you like obviously in terms of beauty, quality, and price. When you have no choice available, you go to the item you are in need of. When there are some choices, you do a little comparison of price, brand and quality. You pick one that fits in your criteria. The point I want to raise here is that some of us go for the quality irrespective of high price; some go for the design of the product and ignore the other features; some go for the price and ignore other traits ; and we all adopt different criteria for different products in different timings. Our ultimate decision is very much satisfactory or we regret that and promise for the future awareness. We learn from our bad shopping habits and try to improve our list by adopting different strategies with respect to our knowledge of various brands and their relative quality traits.

However, in human relationships, there is less time left to amend our decisions. When we take a wrong decision in relationship, we have to suffer for longer and the after facts are everlasting in many cases. Whether you are young and in a relationship or in the process of establishing a good relationship; your little decisions in the matter contribute a lot in your future level of overall happiness and satisfaction. Once you start experiencing wrong things, your energy, enthusiasm and potential start deteriorating day by day and in the end many would collapse. That unfortunately is unacceptable and worse outcome to achieve in life.

Suppose you are a product and you want others to like you for what you are- how would you convince others to do that? Simply by showing your personality traits, attitudes, habits and emotions. But what if they like your face, body, and height! These are good pretty awesome traits of your personality, but very much deceiving and critical in terms of relationship. When someone would start living with your outer self; you might be in trouble after some time. As the other person’s relationship with you is not based on sharing something together rather attracting a body for a while. Thus, there are chances that you will go for a break up very soon! This is true to you as well, if you are going for the outer beauty of the other person. Here from outer beauty I mean anything that you could see from your naked eyes: body, job, wealth, health, successes, social life, status quo or anything alike.

On the opposite side, when you go for the inner beauty, for some specific attitude, for some unique emotional quality of a person; there are ample chances to win the game. As you are going for the long lasting traits of the product; you might not get bored and look for anything else very soon. There might be something else that you do not like or that surprise you in someone when you start living with that; but the situation would not be as intense as that in the first case could go.

Therefore, if you want your partner to look inside you for a long time; you are advised to see inside others too. When you would select a humble and honest inside  as well as show your inner clear and empathetic – your partner would appreciate it. When you show outer side and look for outer beauty; you attract the same quality in your partner and in the end, both smash bluntly to break-up or to live together forcefully.