Conflict Analysis

Do We Perceive Moral Values As Per Our Will?

What we Misperceive through our eyes, is not always restricted to our eyes. You must have seen many optical illusions in your life that represent different perceptions for different people. Nobody is sure for their reality. They change their perception even for the same person. Strange! But it is true. If you have no idea of illusions, then click the link below to learn more about illusions.

http://www.michaelbach.de/ot/

Today my focus is not on illusions rather the secret behind those illusions. First consider the following examples:

  1. Have you ever read a word according to your own mental picture- rice for price, money for enemy, sex for best and many others.
  2. People comment on the same product that vary a lot. For some it is amazing and for others it is disgusting.
  3. For one color, different people have different opinions. Some adore a color and some hate the same!

Thus we can conclude that we have different perceptions of the same phenomena at the same time. Even we change our perception with respect to a little change in time, our experience or age. One idea is brilliant for one person, and the same idea is shit for the other one. One article is worth reading for one, and the same article is rubbish for the other one. One man is the real leader for one party and the same man is a big joke for the other one. We have thousand examples to quote in this regard.

In spite of all that, we cannot say that a man is a women, a killer is a good man, a rapist is at right cause, a child is not innocent, a robbery is appreciable and all other examples alike.

There must be some limit in perceiving a thing in our own way. We can say that we love someone because of his smartness and others can say that they love the same person for his intellect but we cannot say that we love someone because of his cruelty.

In the moral world, things are more complicated and more illusions exist than any other field of life. One moral quote is perceived differently among different people. Usually people act upon moral education as per their own perceptual understanding of that moral thought. They use the context they think is suitable for that quote. They verify the quote in their own brain and act on that according to their own standard.

For example: honestly is the best policy. Now see how people apply this quote in their lives differently while thinking that they are following the message in the same way others are using.

  • A person pays the right amount to his workers and makes sure that there should not be any penny  up or down.
  • Second person thinks he should not get a leave while making any fake excuse.
  • Third person thinks he should not take advantage of his company rules.
  • Fourth thinks, he should be honest in front of his wife and should not hid his feelings at any cost.
  • Fifth one thinks he should not earn a huge profit from the things he is selling- normal profit is OK.
  • Sixth one thinks one should not advertise wrong traits of his products to market them at large level.
  • Another one thinks one should not tell a lie to his family about his income.

There are countless examples to quote.  The crux is that when we start perceiving some information, we interpret it in our own brain, in our own unique way, and apply in our particular circumstance. We definitely perceive very uniquely and claim that we are perceiving something like others. Whereas our perception is very unique by all means. The same concept, the other person is applying in some other field of life and claiming that the concept is his favorite one.

Therefore, belonging to the same religion, we behave differently, react differently, adapt differently to different circumstances, and feel differently on similar occasions. We think we are following the same education and moral values, but our perception is different. The way we adopt the teachings, is very much contrasting to others.

Thanks

Helping The Poor Girls In Pakistan

A boy is a symbol of  power, authority, success, luck, wealth and a stream of fortune forever. Being a boy means, having a home on a permanent basis, having safety forever, peace of mind with respect to parents love and care, having a continuous and unconditional love of parents and relatives, feeling high all the time only due to your gender identity. Though a boy needs to get educated, yet he needs nothing else. He needs to get educated and lead his life as per his own choice. He has to earn money and status for him and his family’s well being. But he is all in all in deciding many domestic matters. He is free in his movements- not afraid of being raped on the way going home. He is getting priority in all the matters, from attending  a luxurious dinner to attending a trip outside city. Boys are very much social in nature as compared to girls as they are more encouraged and appreciated in adapting that attitude. Boys are brave as per our culture. Boys never weep according to our cultural education. Boys should be respected, honored and valued more due to their gender as compared to girls. Boys should keep the money in their hands as they are responsible for their sisters (or female member’s) needs. Boys are free to living alone, whereas girls are not simply allowed to do that.

Girls feel, in such a society, that they cannot express themselves fully being a girl. They bear restrictions on their dressing, social life, education, liberty and freedom tremendously since the day of their birth. They are not well come, being a girl at home, in a family, and in the society. Their position is weak being a girl at home, as they are thought a burden upon parents. They are taken as symbols of honor that can be damaged through any sexual activity. They are not allowed to go out for a walk alone, as their safety is compromised. They are pushed to stay at home as their presence at home is considered  a safety precaution. Their primary responsibility is towards their family – taking care of others (usually males) through household affairs and making sacrifices for them. Girls are never free to choose their life partner of their own choice. Rarely parents accept it, if the partner chosen by their daughter is from high class and worth marrying.  Things are very complicated for girls. It seems, all are their well wishers, but in reality, all are only protecting them from the unseen and unrealistic dangers. That over protecting attitude generates feelings of low self esteem and worthlessness among girls. They live their lives under constant pressure of society, family, and the culture overall.

The dilemma never ends. When a girl is married, her all decisions are carried out by her husband – usually husband is the only earning hand. Girls, even after being mothers, are not thought as an influencer and decision maker. They have to live according to the rules of their husband and his family. There is no rocket science that you cannot understand. There is simply the abuse: emotional, verbal, social, and physical. A girl cannot decide how many children she wants. She cannot decide what career she wants to pursue. She cannot decide what is her planning of the future in terms of spending money on her needs. In most families, girls even cannot decide what food they wish to eat. For sports, girls are never encouraged to participate in. They are thought as the weakest part of the society –  a misfortune bestowed upon the people.

I salute them for living in such a society and smiling all day. I can see western girls being more independent, free, happy, energetic, powerful, influencing, authentic, intelligent and inspiring in overall all fields of life – as compared to Pakistani ones. My humble advice for our generation of girls is that to take charge of their lives, their happiness and their decisions. Do not rely upon anyone, especially when it comes to your life, your need and your pleasure. Seek your way to find your destiny, your identity and your future and be persistent in seeking that throughout your life. This is your war: fight or flight-It is up to you. But if you fight, there are ample chances that you will win; otherwise chances are that you will be caught and could not rise again.

Thanks

When  A Long Abusive Relationship Starts Flourishing!

Calamities are of different kinds: bad health, bad relationship, bad weather, bad results, bad luck and many more. We are always prone to divert our attention to them more than our fortunes: good health, good relationship, good weather, good results, good luck and many other goods. This is our nature. Being a human, we should save ourselves first from bad episodes of life, then should think about our good things. Safety always comes first . So do not worry about it.

When it comes to dealing with bad episodes, we need to think more. It is not always a quick fix when it comes to relationship puzzles. We for most of the time, cannot understand the other person from his/her behavior/gesture or attitude visible to naked eyes. We become such a fool that we even could not recognize our fault of misperception for years.

The question is why? Why the time comes when you start feeling regret? Why you waste your time in assessing your partner’s gestures and could not reach a better conclusion soon? Why you permit yourself to be indulged into a fake and critical relationship? Why you close your eyes? Why not, you take a step immediately, right after smelling something wrong?

In the third world countries, we know the answer. We respect our traditions more than our lives. We try to keep our customs alive than keeping our relationship healthy. We are bound to follow a path we are destined for. We, especially the women, are not economically independent and are not safe at all so we have no other choice except to accept all whether it is wrong or right. Women crush their wills, desires, wishes, wants, needs and spend a life that was designed for them either by their fathers, brothers or so called husbands. They do not play dead rather they are dead!

For the girls who want to learn something about the relationship, my advice is that, ‘ be alert’.  When you feel you are being cheated, stop there. When your sixth sense advises you not to go to the date- do not go. You should not try to become over empathetic when the other person ignores you for whatever the reason is. The abuse is abuse irrespective of its nature or deep reasons. The other person who is intentionally ignoring you, is not something to ignore. Believe me things either settle down at the time they are happening or they never settle down. Giving time to your abuser is equal to prolonging your disease with its worse side effects!

You know cancer is such a horrible word that nobody wants to hear about it. The relationship that we could not fix in time, will develop into a cancer in your heart and that cancer will never be re routed successfully. Unfortunately, you will have no time left to fix it  or It will be too late for you to decide about your relationship.

Therefore, If you are in the beginning and you feel that your partner is not behaving as per he/she should – stop there. Do not waste your time in judging and judging and judging. When you start living in your comfort zone, it is next to impossible to leave that. You become selfish, scary, hesitant, and passive with the passing time. Like a slowly effecting poison, you are taking your life day by day!

I do not mean that you do not compromise- rather I mean to compromise with vigilance and with full acknowledgment that you are doing it consciously.  We have doctors who warn us about upcoming diseases and possible precautions, we remember all healthy tips by heart to stay healthy, we take medicines to fight with side effects but when it comes to relationships, we listen to our heart and close our brain-eyes. We want to live in dreams and those dreams do not let us live according to our will. Therefore, it is worth keeping track of all your decisions and get tips from the professionals in time to save your future and its related happiness.

Cheers!

How Can You Feel Happy Always!

Today I taught myself the definition of Happiness that would best satisfy me at lease and that I want to share with you so that you could think it over too. You might have the same meaning like me so this mail will affirm your belief too.

When we say happiness is something you want to get ( a materialistic approach) whether it is a car, house or laptop- after having that you will be adapted to it soon. So your happiness span will not sustain at that point. Research on happiness has proved that wealthy people are not necessarily happy people.  To defend the same concept, you can find thousands of examples online too.

Secondly, happiness is taken as a temporary feeling. You will be happy today and unhappy tomorrow. So your happiness depends on several trivial factors that make you happy. You can try some tricks like doing exercise, going for a walk, doing yoga or any other meditation, having a social circle of friends, and living on some beach side , or listening to soothing tunes, to boost your happiness level; but you cannot fully control your emotions and will not always become happy by trying these tips.

When you say your happiness depends on your family structure. You are again in blind valley. Sometimes events will go smoothly to make you happy and other times, you would become the victim. You cannot fully depend on your relatives to make you happy otherwise you are at high risk of feeling dejected, cheated and molested.  So this definition is not for everyone- might work for someone at a particular time.

You might be thinking, then what is happiness? For some who stand below poverty level, happiness is fulfilling their basic needs. For the sick people, happiness is being healthy and nothing else. For the students, happiness to a large part, revolves around their marks and exam success. For a professional, happiness is to achieve their goals: short term or long term. For a businessman, happiness rests in having lots of profit and earn more. Thus, for each one of us, criteria of  happiness, being distinct from others,  changes with time, age and experiences. Not even a small group of people share the same criteria of happiness fully. Yes, on some matters, people could agree to become happy together.

Principally, happiness is God’s way of giving a reward to His creation. He decides whom to give, when to give and how much to give. When we do good, feel good or positive, and believe in goodness, we are blessed with a great amount of happiness and peace of mind. You would not believe that some people among us, receive from God,  the immeasurable pleasure, ecstasy and peace, continuously and persistently,  for the unlimited period of life, in the form of a compensation for their sacrifices to humanity, gratitudes, and compassion.

Here it is again important to keep in mind that it is not important to do something great to please God for the gift of happiness rather a small gesture, a little good feeling and a sudden good thought could bring a lot of happiness in your life if it is capable of drawing your creator’s attention towards you. There is no science  or there is a science beyond your expectation and capability!

Thanks

Fashion Culture In Pakistan

Fashion is not bad rather a need in today’s modern lifestyle. It is not limited to only dress out-fits rather covers all aspects of life from home-décor, gardening, cultural things, vehicles, traditions, parties, vacations, hobbies, professions, to beliefs,values, thoughts, priorities and identities. In almost every culture of the world, we can see it flourishing to some extent whether it is related to new trends in dresses, haircuts or tends in buying luxury cars, villas, or resorts. Unfortunately, in Pakistan, it has become a need!

Now the question is:Is fashion a need, a source of self-esteem, a status symbol, a sense of well-being or a source of low self-esteem, an unfailing desire, a cause of poverty, a feeling of lack? What is fashion in a country where more than 80 percent of the population cannot afford food, electricity, shelter, clothing, peace, education, and health?

Our country has not been developing for many years. We are facing many challenges: Taliban crisis, security crisis, poverty crisis and safety crisis. We have unemployment, crowded roads, filthy water, and no gas at all in many parts of the Pakistan. Still, we need fashion for our survival!
Recently, I have seen many places in our country and met many people in general from bottom line to the cream.People, especially, women are spending their most of the time in planning to wear fashionable outfits, striving to look like models in the fashion industry; they are interested in changing hair color; they care for their interior décor; they care for their bags and nails! Usually fashion takes priority when it comes to spend something after buy essential food items.

Fashion is not bad if you want to do it for some purpose. But if you have no healthy food at home, you have no money left for your health needs, for your educational needs, for your shelter needs, you are making a big mistake by adopting a fashionable lifestyle and promoting it at the same time.
Being a nation, as a whole, we need to think about it. We are not having enough resources to fulfill our basic needs (food, shelter, safety), and until our level best, are striving for looking good in the eyes of others.

Here are some guidelines to improve the economy of our country through a change in the attitudes of people:

1. Usually people serve their guests with as many dishes as possible. One must not serve more than one dish to the guests, whether they belong to close family, high status family or distant family.

2. In Pakistan, people simply do not like to re-wear the same item in the family function due to social and cultural pressures and honor’s sake. One should wear the same out-fit repeatedly to attend parties, functions, marriages, etc. Until it is worn out.

3. One should not spend a lot in using electrical equipments like A.C., Generators, or U.P.S., as none of these will be helping our country to get rid of electricity crisis.

4. One should not use any penny on anything non-essential whether it is an upgraded mobile phone or it is a new pair of shoes with jewels embedded on it.

5. Why wear a lot? It neither is in the favor of the economy nor is perfect according to religion. As per our religion, one must not exceed limits in any matter of life, whether it is a matter of money or matter of clothing. One should only spend on clothes according to his/her budget and specific need in the most respectful way- nothing more.

6. Every woman needs to work whether at home or out of home, whether paid or unpaid, whether for the sake of family or to the sake of self. No one should remain unemployed unless otherwise stated (due to some specific health reasons).

7. Luxury in food must be controlled whether it is related to domestic cooking or food marketing. In domestic cooking, simple and easy food should be encouraged, promoted and liked in general. Food marketing strategies must be refreshed and regularized such as advertisements of unhealthy products, offers of unhealthy food in restaurants, and promotions to invite people in some status symbol restaurants.

8. The security of one person should not be considered as the individual’s only responsibility. One must complain for other’s mistakes to the relevant authority for the matters like offending someone, harassing someone, looting, cheating or stealing etc.Similarly, one must notice dirty and filthy places and complaint about it to the concerned authority.

In the country where the laws and the structure of the economy is deteriorating day by day, people are usually encouraged to change their lifestyle from fashion to simplicity, from status to necessity, and from luxury to needs oriented attitude.Until the time, law-enforcing agencies take action and notice, people must do something to resolve their problems themselves. After all, we are suffering from the poor economy and its consequences for long. We should not be allowed to wait and see anymore!

Lastly, your opinion on the said topic would be much appreciated. Thanks

 

To The Mothers Of The Aggressive Children

 

Being a Muslim and a good human being we always give respect and favor to our mothers for their love, belongingness, care and sacrifice. Mothers are no doubt embracing the medal of nourishment and development of their kids. They are fully responsible for their kids moral and ethical education. Especially in the society of Pakistan, mothers’ role cannot be ignored as they have only one obligation to raise children and to do house chores (they are not forced to work outside).

With extreme apology, I must say that where mothers are appreciated for their brave, intelligent, successful children, they must be blamed for their cruel, hyperactive and aggressive off springs. When we say, mothers lap is the first place to learn, we must not forget the people who commit crimes, kill other innocent citizens and rape their sisters. Why not their mothers take charge of their deeds? Why not their mothers are liable for their sick personalities and ill behavioral aspects?

It is very important to understand what I want to say in this regard. No doubt, mothers are always loving, caring and nurturing by nature. No doubt mother must be respected everywhere. No doubt, mothers cannot stop crime and cruelty among society members. We cannot deny the mother’s  contribution to her children, whether she is educated or not. But at the same time, we cannot ignore mothers too when we talk about suicide bombers, honor killers, rapists, and terrorists.

Should we not educate mothers to teach their children about love, humanity, friendship, caring, sympathy, helping, generosity and gratitude. Should we not take measures to educate mothers before educating criminals, killers and suicide bomb blasters. Should not we deal with the root cause intelligently and wisely? Should not we take the mothers’ role seriously in eradicating the insecurity from the society? Should not we call mothers help to decide about our future’s peace and harmony in the most realistic manner? Only in this way, in my opinion the root cause of the unrest can be tackled with success.

Mothers can play a big role in maintaining a peace in the region. Mothers can stop the war of terrorism forever. Only mothers can perform such a duty in this critical time and help all of us miraculously. Only mothers can take the charge of bringing a change in society through their unconditional love towards their children and a firm attitude towards the negation of terrorist activities. Only mothers need to be awakened and get their children back on track!

 

Indirect Effect Of Mothers Gestures On Their Children

Parents do have a strong effect on their children’s personalities. Usually their attitude towards their kids and towards others is very important. Most of parental concerns are about kids education, leisure, social life and behavior in general, in terms of how they are getting along with all of this stuff. They rarely think about their selves, their beliefs, their values, and their behavioral aspects that may cause their kids behaving in a certain manner. Especially mothers (because usually they are primary caretaker) conscious or unconscious attitude towards their kids and others, has a great effect on their kids’ personalities. Assume one child is behaving rudely with other kids and the mother of aggressive child is watching that while attending a call from a friend she loves to talk. There could be several expressions in this regard:

The mother continues with no expression
The mother yells at her child and says firmly,’No’.
The mother continues her talk and mentions about the kids in a plain tone.
The mother says to her friend that she could not control her son’s rude behavior with others.
The mother tells her friend that her aggressive son is sometimes too much hyperactive, just like his father- she smiles while saying that.
The mother continues the talk and change her place to avoid the situation.
The mother says the other children not to speak with the rude one anymore.
The mother ends the call and asks the children what happened and then tries to calm down the rude one through polite arguments.
The mother yells at all the children for disturbing her a lot.
The mother takes the rude one with her and isolates him for a while.
The mother gives the rude one a piece of chocolate so that he would behave better.
The mother tells the other kids to follow the rude behavior as it is a symbol of bravery and power.
The mother tells the other children to hide themselves unless the rude one calms down.
The mother tells the lady that she is going to kill the rude one, but in reality she is not doing anything.
The mother tells the lady that she is quite helpless in controlling the kids sometimes.
The mother warns the kid about the father’s arrival soon.
The mother tells the rude one that she is not going to favor him anymore.
The mother tells the rude one that she will call a police.

And there could be several other expressions to solve the situation ahead.
Thus, in most of the cases, parents’ own attitude is directly related to their kids emotions and behaviors. Especially the mother’s own personality and her attitude in many matters play a significant role in the cognitive and behavioral development of their kids.
Thanks

 

 

 

 

The Best Gift Parents Give To Their Children

Parents are responsible for their children’s well being overall. It includes healthy food, good education, a safe place to live, a sense of unconditional love, and a sense of greater self-esteem. Parents at their level best try to fulfill all. They not only give formal education to their offspring rather informal moral education go side-by-side. Vigilant parents provide their children not only a clean, safe place to live rather a sense of surety within. Empathetic parents understand the importance of unconditional love towards their children and at the same time impose some limits to stop their children from being aggressive, disobedient and rude. Parents are well informed about their children’s level of self-esteem in schools and their work together with teachers to improve it their better future and a successful life ahead.
Though the responsibilities of the parents never end, what they do not understand in this regard is their responsibility to give their children indirect education, love, safety and self-esteem that will create long lasting effects. How can parents fulfill such a need:
By loving each other in front of their children
By taking care of each other in front of their children
By respecting each other in their children’s presence
By tolerating each other in their child’s presence.
By showing empathy to each other when children are around
By behaving nicely when children are around
Thus, their children will imitate their role models and learn a lot. When parents do something else and say something else, children cannot follow any of these. They b

 

ecome confused and do what they like based on their own immature calculation. Not only this, we, as parents, need not to pretend that we are loving, nice or caring – we need to be real, honest and pure with ourselves to convey our messages to our children in reality.
Thanks

 

The Universal Parental Religion 

There are many cultures in this world and all are aware of the name, ‘cultural differences’. We think we belong to a different region so our likes and dislikes are different. We feel we behave similarly while living in the same group and follow the same religious teachings that each one of us living around us belong to. For example, being a Muslim, we think all Muslims are alike because they share the same religion. Being a Christian, we think all Christians behave in a certain way. Usually people living in one group for a long time, share many things together – they follow the same teachings, cultural aspects, traditions, customs and other trivial ways of life.

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Self-Esteem – An Innate Trait

Self –Esteem is nowadays a common truth that everyone knows to some extent. We know when we feel low in esteem and when we feel high self esteem. We cannot say for sure, whether our self-esteem is real or fake, but we know that we are confronted with self-esteem issues and nothing else. You may find thousand techniques on how to gain self esteem truly and how to increase it day by day. You may find literature on how to maintain a healthy level of self esteem and become a successful human being as a result. In most of the cases, information is trustworthy and you can get benefit from such resources.

Here I am talking about the precaution not the solution of self-esteem related disorders. What do you think if we stop it from the beginning or try not to encounter with it throughout our life span. What if a child is given an immunization to prevent him/her from self-esteem problems in the future just like medical immunization systems? Can we provide our children a strong base to tackle with all kinds of self-esteem issues that might cause any severe disorder in their young or adult life? Self-esteem is visibly low in almost all psychological and personality disorders, so this prevention will benefit our next generation a lot.

The next question in this regard is how to prevent our nation from self-esteem problems? The answer is simple: we have to give them injections of low self esteem. We have to tell our children exactly what they will do, feel or observe when they face low self-esteem in their daily life. They need to understand all kinds of low self esteem and their severe consequences. Not only this, rather we need to give our children fake experiences of low self esteem and tell them how to get rid of it. These activities will train them for higher-level issues and they will not lose control when they find a real life threat to their self-esteem. In simple words, we have to educate them all basics of self-esteem and guide them through practical examples on how can they resist severe attacks of low self-esteem.

Self esteem is not limited to one field of life rather covers all areas of life and that is why it is very difficult to assess it as a whole and provide prevention skills. To tackle with its complexity, we need to assess our children from time to time and diagnose which type of information is vital for whom. Then, the best possible training might be provided to the students for the success of their future endeavors in general.

Safety tips for health, education, business, marketing, cooking, gardening and writing, save most of us in our daily life. We are accustomed to read them to get general information and to prevent us from commonsense mistakes. However, for psychological problems, we rarely look for others psyche and bother to improve ours. This is the main reason why we face troubles and usually it is too late to cure. We think we are the only one who is having this type of problem. Such thinking makes us more vulnerable towards helplessness and anxiety. Therefore, it is recommended to include self-esteem tips hand outs in all types of syllabi to prevent students from possible side effects of low self-esteem.

If I say that self-esteem is a contagious disease, it will not be very wrong. When we sit beside someone with low self-esteem, his/her ways of thinking affect ours in a systematic way. In addition, the same is true for us. As a result, we gain a new level of self-esteem (low or high) and unconsciously keep on delivering ours and absorbing others self-esteem from time to time. For this reason, we have to decide what are the golden rules that can prevent us from getting infected from others with low self-esteem. We need to establish a formula or pattern of beliefs that must be able to deal with such issues in advance.

Parent’s self-esteem is a great source of energy for their kids. By contrast, when parents suffer from low self-esteem, children’s self-esteem directly or indirectly is very much affected. To solve this problem, parenting classes to boost high level of self-esteem among their children are already getting inspiration in some of the areas of advanced world. Here the information that parents’ own level of self-esteem need to be raised to raise their children’s self-esteem is very vital. Educationists must have sessions with their pupils’ parents to see if the child’s low self-esteem has any connection with parents’ self esteem!

To conclude, self-esteem is very complex and common human trait and plays as a backbone in each psychological disorder. We can serve our children by utilizing our knowledge to give them proper training to deal with the self-esteem dilemmas. At the same time, we can equip them with a handful amount of tips to remain safe in the environment where low self-esteem threats are everywhere.

Thanks